Hiding from uninvited guests

There are better ways of dealing with it than this. Say you have a migraine, didn't sleep, exhausted but would love to see you next time.

In real life, it's batshit to tell someone that they are being batshit crazy - if you wouldn't say that to someone standing next to you, why would you say it completely unfiltered online? Could it be cowardice on your part?

Reading comprehension seems to be at an all time low on MN. OP's aunt and uncle are not driving 3 hours to visit her. They are visiting OP's mum and seeing OP's gran. The visit to OP is a side quest so all the pearl clutchers berating OP for not being available for the relatives travelling 3 hours to see her need to re-read the OP's post.
I'm amazed at all the wonderful boundary respecting families out that there that will just accept someone saying they don't feel up to seeing them. Wouldn't happen with mine and I'd be hiding too.

Really? If you ever want to benefit from having family nearby (although the family in this case aren’t nearby), you have to be permanently available according to their needs? You can never ask your mother if she’d mind looking after her grandchildren for a couple of hours because once in 2022 you were too busy to help her with the weeding?

I think your reaction is fine as long as you refuse all benefits of having family nearby. As someone with 3 kids and no family anywhere near, I’m struggling to sympathise. Unless I was unwell, my reaction I think would be to retain control by going to my mum’s, which is round the corner you say, have a cuppa, say you can’t stay long and stick to it. Then spend the rest of the day doing what you want.

Good on you I used to do that on a regular basis on my day off.

MN are a dramatic bunch, you are definitely not being unreasonable. You are literally ready to drop, not the time for (uninvited) guests. They are being the rude ones, expecting to be catered to, especially if they are the type to turn up, even after you've said you're busy. Glad you decided to hide away.

Funny how posters are saying poor aunt and uncle when they hadn’t even asked OP to begin with if they could come by. They passed the information through her mum. If you can’t talk to the actual person you want to see about visiting them, why should you be able to come by?

I don’t ask my aunt to talk to my cousin to go to his house when I’m visiting. I call him directly and ask.

Doesn’t sound like to me they’re close otherwise they would call OP.

This is weird - you’re 39 weeks pregnant and presumably not ill as you didn’t mention you were suffering.

They’ve driven 3 hours, an hour out of your day wouldn’t have been so hard?

For the record, i’m 38 weeks pregnant so i know it’s hard but it’s no excuse to turn selfish

its your guests who should have been feeling bad, for their lack of self-awareness!

Growing up we had some really odd extended family who would think nothing of travelling anything from a few hours to trans-Atlantically in the hope they could pop in for a visit. I never understood why they didn't just make plans like normal people.

Anyone driving 3 hours to just pop in without an invite is being completely rude and ignorant. I used to get this from my bfs parents. Every Saturday!! They'd stay for hours!! At first I was polite and made tea, sandwiches etc., listened to his mum's opinions on how I should decorate the house, get criticised over various inadequacies ... Eventually I spent 30 mins with them, then got on with housework and washing, which was what they were usually preventing. That or us having the morning in bed! It didn't stop them 'popping in' ... Go figure!
If 'hiding' is still going to spoil your day, then I'd definitely bring your car back, open the curtains and let them know by phone that it's not possible - you don't have to say why.
Enjoy your custard creams!

I get it.
I left my hometown and moved 30 miles away to force space between me and my overbearing, gossipy family.

Years ago we had some friends who would pop in after taking their kids swimming on a Sunday,straaifgr after tea,when all we wanted to do was set up for Mondays,pack ups,gym bags shoes polished.They Always stayed until at least 10 pm,the hard to get kids settled and go the above jobs,so very late to bed all of us.
we did at times close the windows and not answer the door,and I still feel bad about it.after a few times they got the message,and I still feel bad many years later!

No, never unexpected guest ready but with pre warning like OP had and if I didn't see them very often then don't see the problem tbh. Like you, I'm always busy as well, work full time, DC, but if expecting guests I prepare to accommodate. An arrangement, albeit a loose one, was made, so I would make sure to secure a time. Xx

I find it bizarre that you think people only deserve support if they’ve previously been available at a moment’s notice, 24/7, just in case someone feels like “popping in”.

My FIL nearly ripped our patio door off the runners trying to open it when DH and I had genuinely gone out one day.

The door had a feature that allowed it to be left ajar a little for air but locked. We came home to find the in-laws sat in our garden waiting for us. We let them in, I went to the kitchen and heard DH saying, somethings happened to the door, I went through to find him trying to get it back onto the runners, FIL looking like butter wouldn’t melt and MIL saying “I told him to leave it alone”

OMG - he would actually force his way into your house because he believed you were actually at home????! That’s awful ☹️

😂

Charming.

This, exactly.

For us it's a no. We need time to tidy and organise the house and then clean, mop and hoover. I mean, those brave souls who turn up at ours without warning MIGHT get us on a good day just after a bunch of housework has been done.

But more likely they'll have to make do with a hastily cleared table, things shoved off chairs, random cardboard boxes around the house in various states of repair depending on how long the cats have had them. Piles of washing on the landing waiting for their turn to move up the queue. Clothes hanging to dry all over the place including doorways, especially if raining outside. Tool boxes around the house where little jobs are being dealt with.

But we have some cherished friends who we don't mind turning up at any time and they know we'll always sort something out for them to sleep on and make some lovely food. We don't go into panic tidying mode because they truly appreciate us for who we are and don't judge.

You won't be able to play this trick in a couple of years as your little side kick will be waving brightly from behind a curtain and showing your unintended visitors their favourite Teddy.

Do you all have clean tidy houses at all times just in case visitors come by?

Usually yes but my visitors wouldn’t even notice if it wasn’t. They come to see us not our house

Don't come on here in a couple of weeks/ months saying how inconsiderate they are as they haven't been to see your beautiful new baby and showered you in gifts.🤷

A couple of hours!! Who has a couple of hours to host unexpected guests who happen to pop by? If relatives dropped in on me without a prior arrangement they'd have to make do with me doing laundry/waking the dog/cleaning the kitchen/cutting the grass/working, rather than actually talking to them, so what would be the point? If we have visitors, all those things need to be squeezed in before they've arrived or after they've gone, they can't just rock up for two hours whenever! Do you all have clean tidy houses at all times just in case visitors come by? How, do you not have a job?