Bathing arrangements for 9yo

My just turned 9 yr old gets himself a shower every morning.
We turn it on as he's just a tad too short, but he does the rest including drying.
He is ND.

I dry my DD who's 9 but this is because she has long hair and she hates the wet hair touching her. I'm trying to encourage her to dry herself as I think she should be doing it herself now. If she objected there is no way I would be doing it for her. She's entitled to privacy.

Post footy ds 9 showers alone like 4 times a week! . Sunday night is bath night. I am in the bathroom the whole time. Catch up with ds time! Sometimes have music or a Disney film on to sing along!! I am dm BTW...

Who is doing the drying , is it your friend, is he /she the parent. Who mentioned it to you .

My dd is ND and insisted on privacy by age 5. She switched to showers for safety and I would stay in the hall and help minimally. I really can’t even imagine needing to help a 9yo bathe or a 9yo who would tolerate the invasion.

If the child doesn’t want help drying, then she should be left to it alone.

My 9yo likes company so she often has her 6yo sister in the bathroom (the 6yo doesn't share the actual bath, just hangs out with her sister for a while)

9yo is fine to wash and condition her own hair though (long, curly and needs to be tangle teased whilst the conditioner is in which she also does) and she thoroughly washes and dries herself. She just likes to have someone with her to chat to.

A nine-year-old should absolutely be allowed to bathe in private and doesn’t need help to dry themselves. It’s pretty horrible to insist on drying a child who doesn’t like it. They’re not a toddler.

Sometimes I sit and chat to my 9yo whilst she's in the bath, mostly I don't, but that's quite a recent development. I don't dry her, but I do sometimes pass her the towel and wrap her up like a 'baby burrito'.

Otherwise she showers, dries and dresses herself. Sometimes I help with body lotion application afterwards and help her dry her hair, but only if asked to.

How did the conversation come about? If she was looking for advice couldn’t you have said something reasonably tactful then and there like ‘isn’t she showering by herself yet’?

I can’t say I’ve ever discussed DC’s bathing arrangements with friends, not since we’re talking toddler years and bedtime routines anyway. Even friends or family that we’ve stayed with or been on holiday with, I have no clue how involved in the process they actually are! So how and why you’re aware of the situation is quite relevant I think as it’s not really a normal conversation! That said though, she already has her own DD telling her she hates the towel drying and won’t stop so god knows if she’d listen to you and she clearly doesn’t have much/any concept of boundaries or privacy when it comes to DD. You might be best staying out of it!

I just tell my 6 year old to go and have a shower and he sorts himself out. He probably wouldn't object to being babied a bit and getting some help from time to time but I wouldn't insist on helping if he didn't want to. Surely at 9 the child is old enough to ask for a bit of privacy whilst washing and dressing, if that's what they wanted.

DSS would have been showering from about 7 by himself. 7-8 dad would have checked hair was washed / soods rinsed off properly, talked about how to wash ect but certainly by 9 he was told to crack on and go have a shower when needed.

If the 9 yo is objecting then I would say not very fair. But my 4 yo is currently learni g to dry himself / wash his own hair / body so mabey I go too far the other way

I think I'd have said at the time that my 9 year old would HATE me drying him off after a bath/shower! I think by that age it's definitely not the norm and the child would be more than capable of drying off.

I don't see what it's got to do with you?

If friend mentions it again, just pipe up and say "well 9 is plenty old enough to do bath time/towels/whatever alone, especially if they're asking"

Then nope, make your life easier and more pleasant by not getting involved in innane non events 🤷‍♀️

Sorry I assumed you had observed

She told you she dries her child but they don't want dried and no future conversation took place? Like 'oh why?' or similar.

This is one of the weirdest things I have read, I wonder if it's poor communication skills both between you and your friend and your posting but the idea of a conversation being so lacking strikes me as odd

How are you so deep in with this child's bath routine yet unable to speak up to your friend when the child voices dislike?

My granddaughter bathes and dries herself, eventually when she's finished all.the faffing about. I only enter the bathroom at her request

DD is 9 and asks me to stay in the room and chat with her, she can wash herself and her hair and dry herself but will sometimes ask if all the bubbles are out of her hair or for me to dry her back.

I'll leave it up to her to tell me when she's ready to go it fully alone and wants more privacy.

I still have to wash my 10 year olds hair. If they are comfy with it then I don't see an issue. Let them decide. 9 is old enough to do it alone.

My 10 and 8 year olds both shower, wash their hair, bodies and come out and dry themselves and put their jammies on.

8 year old has bum length hair and still manages great.

This is what I do. I'm a foster Carer and I have always been advised door unlocked, not too much water, check water temperature before you leave room and DC gets in. Then over 5-6 years you can leave the room and just go back to wash their hair if needed. They don't need hair wash every day. Knock on the door every so often to check they are ok. Playing with bath toys in warm water can be relaxing for DC. They can get out and towel dry on their own from 5-6 years. PJ's on by themselves. If DC has SN's then more assistance can be offered if necessary.

Are they an only child? When you don't have others to distract you and juggle it's tricky to know when to do things at the right age especially if you don't have other children like nieces and nephews. The right age of course being the moment the child expressed they don't want you to do it and are physically capable of doing the task themselves.

Recommended minimum age for bathing unsupervised is 8 I think so they are in that transition phase now.