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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To avoid this restaurant?

121 replies

BobbyBiscuits · 03/03/2024 22:01

Took my mum for a family meal for the first time in a few months. She hadn't been well but felt strong enough to go in a taxi to this restaurant. We've been using this place for large and small group meals for about 7 years.
Everything was nice, we paid the bill and left an extra tip. There were 10 of us and mum was older than the others by 10 years plus.
While we were chatting, the manager interrupted and said to my mum
'how old are you?' she looked embarrassed so I jovially bit firmly said 'you know it's impolite to ask a lady's age.. haha'
I expected him to leave it but instead he responded with..
'oh, it's because my colleague thought you were at least 95' while chuckling.

She was mortified as was I. I said 'why did you say that, it's really rude?'

He mumbled sorry and then went back to his colleagues and burst out laughing.
Moments earlier he was simpering over my male cousin, but did he feel the need to comment on his age? Course not.

Mum is so upset a restaurant manager would come up to her and say this. She has not been out for months and feels her confidence knocked. She looked great and is in her early 80s.

Should we just boycott it? The rest of my family and wider group will still go I think.

Or contact the guy and ask for a proper apology, explaining taking about women's ages is rude again?

Or just forget it and hope he doesn't do it again.

Any opinions valued!

OP posts:
Flymetothetoon · 04/03/2024 04:23

@SoOutingWhoCares I'm guessing Michelle Fowler from Eastenders - Susan Tulley because I remember her being mocked for her acne back in the day by the red tops.

KomodoOhno · 04/03/2024 02:03

Definitely call this was terrible. Who in their right mind behaves that way! I want to hug your mum

Treehuggingmutherfunkin · 04/03/2024 01:51

Disgusting human being so unnecessarily rude. Write a complaint and review.

Dutchairfryer · 04/03/2024 00:55

SoOutingWhoCares · 04/03/2024 00:29

Sorry, I think it would be really unkind to name the celebrity given that I've also said they were unattractive. But I think you'd all have been gutted too had you been compared to her back then!

You tease!

Original poster
BobbyBiscuits · 04/03/2024 00:31

@SoOutingWhoCares Just give a couple of obscure clues? No need to name them? Or confirm the names we suggest, haha!

OP posts:
SoOutingWhoCares · 04/03/2024 00:29

Sorry, I think it would be really unkind to name the celebrity given that I've also said they were unattractive. But I think you'd all have been gutted too had you been compared to her back then!

Original poster
BobbyBiscuits · 04/03/2024 00:07

Thanks everyone for your feedback and kind words. I'm thinking of approaching the bloke and firmly saying it's not on. If I take it in the best way possible it could be ignorance as I fail to see why someone could be so rude for no reason. Maybe it's a cultural thing that being old is a compliment. I doubt it, lol but possible?
We love their food so it would be a shame not to go back but we won't without an apology and a bribe I don't think. Mum is fine now. She knows she looks lovely and not 95. Though we have a mate of 92 and she's gorgeous.

@SoOutingWhoCares yeah please give few clues at least on this celeb!? Haha x

OP posts:
trekking1 · 03/03/2024 23:53

SoOutingWhoCares · 03/03/2024 22:15

Ugh. He sounds horrible.

I was once devastated in my 20s when I made a real effort for a Christmas party at a "naice" Italian restaurant and the waiter spent the whole night insisting I looked like a very unattractive celebrity who was being mocked constantly in the press at the time for her appearance. I was really really hurt, he wouldn't let it drop and I was the only girl he kept commenting on. He also kept doing this thing of handing menus and taking orders from me last (and picking my gorgeous mate who I was sat right next to first then skipping over me).

I never ever went back there. Definitely boycott it. Your poor mum. That's a disgusting way to treat someone. Trip Advisor, Facebook AND Google review for that nasty piece of work writing exactly what you did here!

You can't just leave us hanging, who was the celebrity? I bet the celebrity isn't bad looking at all and the press was just being disgusting as usual

Teenagehorrorbag · 03/03/2024 23:50

Horrific! Definitely complain to both the individual and his boss.

My MIL is 96 and loves to tell people her age, then they always say 'wow, you're amazing!'. Perhaps this idiot had thoughts along those lines and meant well - but even if so, how incredibly gauche and thoughtless. Who on earth would try to guess a customers age - whatever their gender or potential age? Bonkers and rude!

I'm sorry your Mum had such an awful experience - I'd hope they would offer a free meal for you all, or something - but she probably never wants to go back there! Flowers

Ella31 · 03/03/2024 23:03

I wouldn't write or email, don't give them anything that they can sit on and think about. I would go in personally and ask for the owner and a meeting. Any respectable business person will want this brought to their attention.

The asking a woman is irrelevant, it's the mocking and intent to upset that stands out. I really hope you follow up with this as it's one of the nastiest things I've read. I hope your mother is doing ok

Bearpawk · 03/03/2024 22:58

Email them and complain

Easipeelerie · 03/03/2024 22:52

NomDePrune · 03/03/2024 22:49

A boycott won't make any difference to the restaurant; the manager won't notice or care if they never see you again. And emailing the restaurant means the manager will most likely see the message first and delete it. If it's a chain, email head office. If it's independent try to find out who owns it (hopefully not the same guy) and write to them (search companies house if it's 'ltd')

This is what I would do.

Brendaloves · 03/03/2024 22:49

I’d report them to environmental health and tell them all your party had a case of the brown lurgy 🍩after eatting there

NomDePrune · 03/03/2024 22:49

A boycott won't make any difference to the restaurant; the manager won't notice or care if they never see you again. And emailing the restaurant means the manager will most likely see the message first and delete it. If it's a chain, email head office. If it's independent try to find out who owns it (hopefully not the same guy) and write to them (search companies house if it's 'ltd')

Alicewinn · 03/03/2024 22:42

What a massive inappropriate cunt. Definitely complain

pensione · 03/03/2024 22:40

She was mortified as was I. I said 'why did you say that, it's really rude?'

Well done for speaking up for your mum. Most MNers would be saying ‘I was too shocked to say anything’.

Timshortforthalia · 03/03/2024 22:37

Your poor mum.

I would kick off really hard about this. I’m not usually a fan of leaving bad reviews online, but if someone did this to my mum, I would review everywhere.

Also email the restaurant directly.

WhateverMate · 03/03/2024 22:35

No point in asking for a false apology.

I'd put it in a public review like Google or something.

Maverickess · 03/03/2024 22:31

It's pretty damned rude no matter who it's said to, you just don't, no matter what the circumstances.

I'd email a complaint, though if he's the general manager then unless you can find the details for someone higher he's likely to be the one dealing with it.
I'd try a complaint and then depending on the outcome of that, a review. I'm actually really against reviews, getting threatened with them regularly when a customer doesn't get their own way and they're nearly always exaggerated to make them sound worse than they are, and publicly naming and shaming members of staff because we're not allowed any privacy (never mind other implications that might have).
But in this case unless you get a genuine apology I would be.

If a customer brings it to my attention there's a birthday in the party then I may ask if it's a 'special' one and feed onto the kitchen and we'll do a birthday plate, but even with the intention of making it nice for someone you do not ask, and you certainly don't guess uninvited!

I've had a few older people invite me to guess and the answer is always, always 21. It's about making people feel good, not feel humiliated.

Jackierussell123 · 03/03/2024 22:28

Precipice · 03/03/2024 22:08

I wouldn't come at it from a 'woman's age' thing. It would also be an inappropriate way to treat a man. It's just an inappropriate way to talk to customers, as it's something most people would find unpleasant and at best awkward.

Exactly. It’s also contrary to Equal Status legislation.

EasterIssland · 03/03/2024 22:26

Was it a chain? I’d make sure whoever is at the top of this company is aware about the awful behaviour of their staff and also leave reviews in google and trip advisor

cauliflowerqueen · 03/03/2024 22:25

I would definitely complain, and include his name or description.

I probably wouldn't go back, but if I did, I'd give the jerk the coldest shoulder possible. Possibly stare at him quizzically and then whisper to the others at my table. Petty, but satisfying to give him a small taste of his own medicine.

Wishitsnows · 03/03/2024 22:24

Absolutely complain and also let everyone know maybe on your local fb page or similar. That is disgusting behaviour by the employee. I just can’t understand why some asshole would behave like that.

unsurebut · 03/03/2024 22:23

That's so horrible! Definitely complain and leave a detailed Tripadvisor review.
Hope your mum is OK.

TempleOfBloom · 03/03/2024 22:19

I would write a letter / e mail to the owner saying what happened, that your Num was extremely upset and that it ruined the night for all of you.

I would do this, asking for an apology and a response, before going to social media.

Awful behaviour . Who the hell did those sniggering fuckwits think they were?