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Original poster

Wedding menu

387 replies

imnewhere2024 · 03/03/2024 20:28

DP and I recently got engaged (yay) so we are starting to plan the wedding. We are at very early stages but have run into a very interesting question. DP and I are both vegetarian for ethical reasons with our families and most of our friends being meat eaters. Venues are asking our preferences for menus so they can provide us costs so we need to make a choice on whether to provide meat or do a vegetarian only dinner.

For clarity, when we go out to dinner with meat eaters we have no issue with people ordering a meat option, but given we are the ones footing the bill, it feels like we have a say over what they eat. Honestly, we don’t feel good about paying for meat to be consumed on our wedding day, and would be offering a decent range of veggie options (not your bog standard risotto or tofu loaf etc) Friends have never complained about our dietary choices when we go to their homes or events, its pretty easy these days to cater for and we are not picky eaters at all but I feel weird imposing our vegetarian ideas on them. Has anyone faced the same issue issue or have any insight ?

OP posts:
BrokenWing · 04/03/2024 00:29

SleepingStandingUp · 03/03/2024 23:53

In lots of places it simply isn't possible to cater to everyone's preferences. We had the choice of three mains so we have a veggie option, chicken and beef. If someone's preference is seafood and someone else loves lamb, well I couldn't pick five separate meals. Even if I could, say the lamb choice is mash and someone else prefers it with vine roasted tomatoes and veg. Most caters catering for three courses for 70odd people won't offer endless choices and variety if it's being cooked properly

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Of course you can, so you hedged your bets with veggie, beef and chicken. It is likely most people will choose something they enjoy. If you served a menu with restricted choices of beef, beef or beef. Then much much less likely.

ClairDeLaLune · 04/03/2024 00:26

Presumably you are veggie because you don’t agree with animals being used as food. So you especially wouldn’t want that to happen caused by you on the most memorable day of your lives. Serve a veggie menu OP. Be true to who you are on your big day. Anyone objecting isn’t really a person who is worth you being concerned about.

thebestinterest · 04/03/2024 00:23

I went to a vegetarian wedding recently, which was mainly a potluck. Food was okay. Upon returning home we chucked a chicken in the oven as there wasn’t enough protein (if any) served at the wedding.

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 04/03/2024 00:18

Go veggie, OP, your friends and family know you're both vegetarian, so go meat-free at your wedding. I have vegetarian friends and I'm always looking for interesting options when catering for them. I'd love to go to an all-vegetarian event like a wedding, and see what options the caterers offer. I'm a big meat eater but would definitely enjoy an all-veggie menu.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 04/03/2024 00:17

SleepingStandingUp · 04/03/2024 00:04

So you'd honestly miss the wedding of someone you love dearly unless you can have alcohol? Sorry but that does sound like you have a problem, even if it only arises in social issues

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Now that's a massive twist on what I said!

I wouldn't miss the wedding of someone I loved dearly if it was alcohol free.

However, if I had travelled to a wedding and was making a day or weekend out of it and I would enjoy a drink as part of it. I don't drink much but absolutely enjoy a drink as part of a celebratory occasion.

I don't enjoy having my choices being policed by others either.

There is an alcoholic problem one side of my family, thankfully my generation appear to have avoided it so far. As a result, I'm very aware of my alcohol intake and how easy it is for alcohol to cause problems for people but thank you for your inaccurate judgement nonetheless.

Saz12 · 04/03/2024 00:14

Honestly, most mass-catering is crap, the food isnt a highlight of any wedding I've been to.

Of course you should have a vegetarian menu! Just have the discussion with awkward guests before the wedding, and avoid them over the meal.

feelingfree17 · 04/03/2024 00:14

I’m a meat eater, but would be more than happy to eat vegetarian at a veggie friends wedding. As you say, it won’t be the boring run of the mill offering, so I would go ahead. I quite often have meat free meals, and really enjoy the delicious wide range of vegetarian food.

ChewbaccasMrs · 04/03/2024 00:12

Honestly it's your day and I'd be far more concerned that the bride and groom were happy than I would be about what I was going to eat and I am a meat eater myself but lots of vegetarian meals are gorgeous and I'd be happy to go without meat for the day.

Congratulations on your engagement 💐

Geotheanum · 04/03/2024 00:11

imnewhere2024 · 04/03/2024 00:04

It’s actually on the cheaper side. Maybe that’s london prices but most places start at £145

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1998 - 4 course meal ( vegetarian ) was £25 / head at Cooling Castle, kent

£5 / head for evening food of cheese and lovely breads and pickles.

blown away by todays prices

MintyCedric · 04/03/2024 00:08

I would have no problem with a vegetarian menu so long as I wasn’t expected to eat vegan cheese 🤢

AliceMcK · 04/03/2024 00:06

Echo others, would fully expect a vegetarian menu if either one or both getting married are vegetarian.

caringcarer · 04/03/2024 00:05

You see @SleepingStandingUp wedding she offered beef or chicken so I would have enjoyed either of those options as I enjoy meat options at weddings I go to so I am not a difficult guest to please like some are suggesting. At my wedding we offered roast beef and Yorkshire puddings, roast turkey, pigs in blankets, roast potatoes or mashed and 4 different vegetables plus an aubergine lasagne, a green salad and garlic bread. We also had a tomato soup starter option as well as salmon pate.

Original poster
imnewhere2024 · 04/03/2024 00:04

Geotheanum · 03/03/2024 23:41

Blimey
Ive just looked at the prices pp.
Is £100/£120 per person really what people are paying these days.

off subject, I know, sorry

It’s actually on the cheaper side. Maybe that’s london prices but most places start at £145

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 04/03/2024 00:04

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 03/03/2024 21:19

I was on your side with the vegetables but no alcohol is where I would bow out and I'm not even a big drinker!

So you'd honestly miss the wedding of someone you love dearly unless you can have alcohol? Sorry but that does sound like you have a problem, even if it only arises in social issues

SleepingStandingUp · 04/03/2024 00:01

caringcarer · 03/03/2024 23:45

They were probably being polite.

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Or like most people with a healthy diet they just liked the food.
I did a meat lasagna and a veggie one, everyone liked both but half the meaties were clamouring for a taste of the veggie one and thought it was even nicer than the meat one. Next time I just did veggie lasagna and it was all eaten (and we're not in a situation where 100 people would feel obliged to force it / there's always tons of other food).

Obviously an allergy, the planners need to know and it needs to be avoided. If guests have a restricted diet by choice (so outside of the actual allergy) then unfortunately that's a you problem. You can't expect them to give everyone pork, carrots and peas because that's what you want.

User442681bgt · 04/03/2024 00:00

Looks a great menu but give a meat option. Last wedding I went to you pre selected.

pizzaHeart · 03/03/2024 23:58

YoureALizardHarry11 · 03/03/2024 20:32

It’s not a hardship for a meat eater to eat a meat free meal for one day. If anyone has an issue, they don’t have to come, but the ones who care enough about you won’t make a song and dance over a lack of meat.

This^
And I’m a meat eater.
I would consider myself lucky to attend a wedding with vegetarian menu, it could be very exciting.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/03/2024 23:57

movingforward96 · 03/03/2024 22:20

@SleepingStandingUp I don't think it's on to police people's comments / views about a food choice! Of course Op shouldn't tell her partner to tell his brother to put up and shut up, what level of superiority is this

I think when you're too immature to know your behaviour is rude and hurtful, it's perfectly acceptable for someone to have a word before hand and tell you that it will be. I'm not saying don't invite him or kick him out, but clearly someone needs to pull him up on his manners!

4CandlesNotForkHandles · 03/03/2024 23:55

caringcarer · 03/03/2024 23:45

They were probably being polite.

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Wow.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/03/2024 23:53

BrokenWing · 03/03/2024 22:42

At a wedding of two vegetarians I would expect a vegetarian meal.

Would I look forward to the meal? No
Would I eat it? Probaby, but I'd have a filling breakfast/lunch just incase

Personally I would want to be the best host I could, I would want all my guests to look foward to my wedding including the meal, and I would also cater to my guests dietary prefetences rather than just my own, the same way they would consider mine.

In lots of places it simply isn't possible to cater to everyone's preferences. We had the choice of three mains so we have a veggie option, chicken and beef. If someone's preference is seafood and someone else loves lamb, well I couldn't pick five separate meals. Even if I could, say the lamb choice is mash and someone else prefers it with vine roasted tomatoes and veg. Most caters catering for three courses for 70odd people won't offer endless choices and variety if it's being cooked properly

DreamTheMoors · 03/03/2024 23:53

No matter what you do or serve or say, somebody is gonna be offended.

Make yourselves happy on your happy day.

Geotheanum · 03/03/2024 23:51

caringcarer · 03/03/2024 23:42

I know quite a lot of vegetarians, my DH is one. I know a couple of devout vegetarians who have 3 DC and believe none of them have ever eaten meat. They often boast about it. In fact the middle child regularly eats meat when out with his friends but pretends to his parents he ate a veggie option. I've seen him eating chicken nuggets and pepperoni pizza too. He's too afraid to tell his parents he likes meat. He's 13.

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If veggie parents are anything like us what kids do as they get older is up to them.
just like changing religion or in my case going veggie at age 14

Of my 3 veggie sons ages 23, 20 and 20. Two are now vegan and ones still veggie.

Everyone is different, they can do whatever they like when they get older as long as it’s legal.

frequentlyfrazzled · 03/03/2024 23:51

caringcarer · 03/03/2024 23:29

But I like several varieties of fish, most meat including steak, gammon, pork steaks and chicken, that's really not hard to cater for.

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But it's not just about your specific tastes is it?

caringcarer · 03/03/2024 23:50

Frozenasarock · 03/03/2024 23:46

Yes it is hard to cater for when you combine it with you don’t eat vegetables (except two), salads or carbs, plus you don’t eat onions, eggs, mayo, spreads… what kind of menu do you envisage that caters for your restrictions that also covers the more typical meals most people might want to eat? Do you expect a special meal with any kind of sides or you literally just eat the piece of meat or fish, ignore the rice or veggies or whatever it came with and consider yourself happy and well fed?

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Yes, that's exactly what I do. I eat a chicken breast possibly 4 or 5 little bits of penne and peas/carrots. Sometimes just a bit of fish. Protein is very filling. I eat lots of fruit. 5 or 6 lots a day.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 03/03/2024 23:50

I know you don't want to have Indian food but just as an aside, I think Indian food is one of the best cuisines in terms of vegetarian options.

I think it's because it's just so full of favour, whereas with a standing wedding roast dinner, then meat really provides most of the flavour.