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Original poster

Wedding menu

387 replies

imnewhere2024 · 03/03/2024 20:28

DP and I recently got engaged (yay) so we are starting to plan the wedding. We are at very early stages but have run into a very interesting question. DP and I are both vegetarian for ethical reasons with our families and most of our friends being meat eaters. Venues are asking our preferences for menus so they can provide us costs so we need to make a choice on whether to provide meat or do a vegetarian only dinner.

For clarity, when we go out to dinner with meat eaters we have no issue with people ordering a meat option, but given we are the ones footing the bill, it feels like we have a say over what they eat. Honestly, we don’t feel good about paying for meat to be consumed on our wedding day, and would be offering a decent range of veggie options (not your bog standard risotto or tofu loaf etc) Friends have never complained about our dietary choices when we go to their homes or events, its pretty easy these days to cater for and we are not picky eaters at all but I feel weird imposing our vegetarian ideas on them. Has anyone faced the same issue issue or have any insight ?

OP posts:
MariaVT65 · 04/03/2024 03:21

Hi op, sorry I haven’t read all 12 pages of the thread but here are my thoughts:

Go with vegetarian food.

If people inc grandparents can’t cope without eating meat at every single meal then that’s pathetic IMO.

I would expect vegetarian food if the bride and groom are vegetarian, just like when I’d be a guest at your house or if I go to an Indian wedding etc. I eat meat but vegetarian food can be fantastic.

I went to a wedding last year where meat was served and it was all a disorganised shambles. Meat doesn’t equal great experience automatically.

S0upertrooper · 04/03/2024 03:12

I'm not vegetarian but I'd be happy with a vegetarian meal. However you mentioned pasta and pizza and I don't think that's very fancy and I'd kind of expect something a bit more imaginative for a wedding dinner.

JudgeJ · 04/03/2024 03:08

BeLemonFish · 03/03/2024 20:39

I personally wouldn’t care (as long as there’s something other than risotto 🤮 🤮) However, be aware that some people can get funny about things like this. Are you willing to fall out with people about it?

One of the most memorable meals I 've had was wild mushroom risotto at my daughter's wedding and I'm not vegetarian.

JudgeJ · 04/03/2024 03:07

BeLemonFish · 03/03/2024 20:39

I personally wouldn’t care (as long as there’s something other than risotto 🤮 🤮) However, be aware that some people can get funny about things like this. Are you willing to fall out with people about it?

One of the most memorable meals I 've had was wild mushroom risotto at my daughter's wedding and I'm not vegetarian.

sashh · 04/03/2024 03:05

I'd expect vegi food and I love meat.

I've been to vegi weddings, dry weddings, cheap weddings, expensive.

It's the people that make it for me.

The venue looks lovely. Oh and congratulations.

Iloveburgerswaymorethanishould · 04/03/2024 02:56

I’d actually be excited if it was a vegetarian menu!! I love my meat, but I also enjoy trying new things!!!

LilacMcMiaow · 04/03/2024 02:52

BobbyBiscuits · 04/03/2024 02:23

It's your wedding. Of course it should be vegetarian if that's your ethical belief.
I guess you could ask people to mark on RSVP if they want meat (in small print) But make it clear it's a beautiful celebration of all things you, which includes vegetarianism. Then order x amount of dry chicken based on the response. Haha.
They will flock to the veggie food no doubt.

😆
That dry scrap of chicken sounds like the meaty equivalent of some of the vegetarian “meals” I’ve seen sent out at weddings (not all, some have been great and better than the meat options).

101Nutella · 04/03/2024 02:50

I wouldn’t expect you to pay for people to eat meat especially if there are ethical reasons for being veggie.

I’ve previously been vegan and partner veggie. We would do veggie catering. There’s something everyone could like with veggie and really filling options with dairy.

normally starters and dessert are veggie anyway so only the main would be ‘different’. Your close friends and family wouldn’t expect u to serve meat. They’ll probs be some rogue answers on here from people who can’t imagine not eating meat with every meal!

id say pick a cuisine type which lends itself to veggie rather than fake meats.

Tatonka · 04/03/2024 02:48

Just serve what you want, it makes sense to have vegetarian if you are because of ethical reasons (assume you don't have any leather shoes etc). If it's good food, it shouldn't matter and if someone doesn't like it I'm sure they'll survive. Enjoy your wedding! Just do what you want (with everything)

Nosleepforthismum · 04/03/2024 02:32

Don’t worry about a meat option OP. People will expect it to be vegetarian given you and your DH (to be!) are vegetarian.

Having somehow managed to get invited to three vegan weddings last year, I would welcome a vegetarian one for a nice change.

LovePoppy · 04/03/2024 02:32

imnewhere2024 · 03/03/2024 20:41

So we are leaning towards our favourite Italian restaurant which is opposite our church. https://www.teatrohall.com/weddings/

They have great veggie pasta and pizza and can cater for allergies or vegan diets - veggie pasta I think can be easier to give to non meaters compared to a high end roast which most venues offer. Nut roasts are pretty awful and no one wants that really

On the topic of others - we think most of our friends would be ok, but there are a few older family members who would kick off and make comments. I’m a people pleaser so am more on the fence, but DP is pretty adamant about it, literally said “there’s a McDonald’s over the road, let them go there is they have an issue” which TBf I think is the right attitude. I just don’t want to cause conflict

That looks really lovely

im I’m curious though, what’s a half bottle of water ?

Yoyoban · 04/03/2024 02:29

Ponderingwindow · 03/03/2024 20:33

Serve a vegetarian menu.
just be sure to ask about allergies, and not just common ones.

This is such an odd comment. Surely you just ask people if they're allergic to anything and let them tell you what they're allergic to. You don't just ask them e.g. if they're allergic to nuts and assume noone is allergic to anything else.

BobbyBiscuits · 04/03/2024 02:23

It's your wedding. Of course it should be vegetarian if that's your ethical belief.
I guess you could ask people to mark on RSVP if they want meat (in small print) But make it clear it's a beautiful celebration of all things you, which includes vegetarianism. Then order x amount of dry chicken based on the response. Haha.
They will flock to the veggie food no doubt.

AprilDecember · 04/03/2024 02:07

I've been to two weddings with no meat. One where the bride was vegetarian, and I knew ahead there would be no meat. But they did serve fish, which I don't eat, and there weren't any other substantial main options so I was trying to fill up on couscous and cold vegetables (it was a very hot day). I was pretty hungry that day but it didn't bother me that no meat was on offer. I might have had a bigger breakfast if I'd have known they were relying on fish, but that's a me problem.

The other one neither the bride nor groom were vegetarian, they just preferred the veggie options offered by the caterer and it was lovely! A tasty and filling pastry stuffed with veg, yummy.

I'm a meat eater but I would never be mad at a meat free wedding.

LilacMcMiaow · 04/03/2024 02:00

innerdesign · 03/03/2024 21:03

@imnewhere2024 Those who have said they look forward to trying new things when they eat have the right mindset

See, it's phrases like this that make you come across as preachy and superior. It's vegetarian food, it's not anything unusual

That might be unusual for some people though. For example, among people I know, some have never eaten artichokes, aubergine, cous cous, courgettes or pumpkin (not all the same person). I’ve tried things (ingredients, dishes and combinations) at weddings/events before that I probably wouldn’t otherwise have given much thought to.

AGoingConcern · 04/03/2024 01:59

I’d expect vegetarian food (though wouldn’t judge you for it either way). Vegetarians shouldn’t be expected to pay for meat products, especially at their own wedding, and I feel the same for any ethical or religious dietary/beverage restrictions.

Guests can pick up a cheeseburger on the way home if they need meat. You’re not “forcing your beliefs” on anyone by you not buying them meat at one meal.

Geotheanum · 04/03/2024 01:44

Thanks for your post.
Have a fabulous day!

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 04/03/2024 01:43

Enjoy your wedding. I would love to see the menu afterwards. I bet most people will enjoy it.

Yes, I'm that weirdo who loves picking their favour dish of any menu, even if I'm not there to eat it!

Original poster
imnewhere2024 · 04/03/2024 01:35

Thanks to everyone for your insights. I just wanted non biased views and I certainly got them. I have to accept we are imposing our diet and views on our guests, but these are not strangers but 60 of our closest friends / family so would hope they would give us the kindness of allowing us to be comfortable on our day. Equally need to own the role DP and I will be playing I.e depriving them meat for an evening and be ready to receive comments / negative feedback.

ultimately, it’s about celebrating our union and our new life, if someone wants to throw a hissy fit, there’s a much bigger problem at play. We will be making it clear on meal will be vegetarian so no surprises, think most places expect meal choices pre wedding day, so they will be given a menu in the invite I expect. Equally, if people are so hungry they needed to bring hidden sarnies or pop over the road for a McDonald’s I would not be offended.

Thanks everyone :)

OP posts:
candyisdandybutliquorisquicker · 04/03/2024 01:34

I'm an enthusiastic carnivore, but I'd be expecting only vegetarian food at a vegetarian couple's wedding. If I was so dismayed at the thought of a non-meat meal I'd just eat a hearty meat-filled breakfast and fill up on drinks 😄

Silvers11 · 04/03/2024 01:33

@imnewhere2024 It's your wedding so you should do what you want to do. Might be an idea to at least put a note on peoples invites that the meal will be vegetarian options only? At least that way, no-one will get a surprise on the day?

I had a look at the menus on the site link you posted and it is exactly the sort of food which I would generally hate. At least if I had advance warning, I could take sandwiches and eat them in secret at some point, without you knowing!! Yes, I'm fussy and not everyone is like me! But you asked for views....

candyisdandybutliquorisquicker · 04/03/2024 01:32

caringcarer · 03/03/2024 21:11

I have a severe allergy to mushrooms. Even a tiny amount means I can't breathe, my throat and tongue swells and I have to have an adrenaline injection. In my experience vegetarians try to stuff mushrooms in many dishes. I don't like vegetarian food. I don't eat vegetables except cooked carrots and peas. I don't eat salad. I don't like things with onions. I don't like rice, couscous, pasta salad, anything with mayonnaise or spread, nuts. I avoid pastry, bread and high carbs as I'm on a high protein diet. I do like cheese but I'm not keen on eggs. I eat a lot of salmon, steak and chicken. It's not that I think anything terrible will happen to me, provided no mushrooms, it's just I don't like it.

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Honestly, you just sound like an awkward bugger. Don't eat any vegetables except peas and carrots? Don't eat salad? You have the palate of a toddler.

AmiablePedant · 04/03/2024 01:21

I think it would be perfectly appropriate to be all vegetarian--but do be sure it is truly robust vegetarian with eggs and dairy included. I don't mind forgoing meat, but would be truly irked if I were deprived of cheese. Restaurants tend to default to vegan if not kept sternly in line.

Geotheanum · 04/03/2024 01:17

TiIIyM · 04/03/2024 01:14

why is it acceptable to eat meat at the wedding of vegetarians

Why is it acceptable to drink alcohol at the wedding of someone teetotal?

It's just quite normal to give choices, rather than it being your own choice. However I agree with @Oohhyeah that it's a personal choice whatever you want to do at your own wedding.

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Absolutely.!
A wedding should be the personal choice of the bride and groom. If you love them and want to celebrate with them you’ll respect that choice.

Manyandyoucanwalkover · 04/03/2024 01:15

Decent food doesn’t have to have meat in it.