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Original poster

Wedding menu

387 replies

imnewhere2024 · 03/03/2024 20:28

DP and I recently got engaged (yay) so we are starting to plan the wedding. We are at very early stages but have run into a very interesting question. DP and I are both vegetarian for ethical reasons with our families and most of our friends being meat eaters. Venues are asking our preferences for menus so they can provide us costs so we need to make a choice on whether to provide meat or do a vegetarian only dinner.

For clarity, when we go out to dinner with meat eaters we have no issue with people ordering a meat option, but given we are the ones footing the bill, it feels like we have a say over what they eat. Honestly, we don’t feel good about paying for meat to be consumed on our wedding day, and would be offering a decent range of veggie options (not your bog standard risotto or tofu loaf etc) Friends have never complained about our dietary choices when we go to their homes or events, its pretty easy these days to cater for and we are not picky eaters at all but I feel weird imposing our vegetarian ideas on them. Has anyone faced the same issue issue or have any insight ?

OP posts:
DinnaeFashYersel · 03/03/2024 21:01

My DH is vegetarian and we had a vegetarian wedding 20 years ago.

I had a couple of grumbling uncles (they enjoyed the grumbling though I think) but apart from that everyone was fine about it.

And for once it meant my DH actually got a choice at a meal.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 03/03/2024 21:00

You’re paying for and organising the meal, totally reasonable to only serve vegetarian food and I’d expect it at a vegetarian’s wedding, the same way I wouldn’t expect a Jewish or Muslim wedding to serve pork.

Zanatdy · 03/03/2024 21:00

Yeah I’d be expecting it to be veggie and would be absolutely fine with that

bakewellbride · 03/03/2024 21:00

@Kendodd exactly!

Zaxi · 03/03/2024 21:00

Your wedding, your celebration, you're paying.

Simple

Veggie it is

PoppingTomorrow · 03/03/2024 20:59

Plenty of meat eaters have veggie meals from time to time without thinking about it. They're not going to waste away without meat at one meal.

(I'm an omnivore)

sunflowerdaisyrose · 03/03/2024 20:59

Wouldn't bother me at all if it was vegetarian food at a wedding of two vegetarians! Or anyone really. If the food is nice, I'm happy!

Kendodd · 03/03/2024 20:59

Ffs what is it with some meat eaters? Can they not go a single meal without meat? What terrible thing will happen to them if faced with a plate without meat on it!
Just serve veggie food OP.
Signed, a meat eater.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 03/03/2024 20:58

Sounds like you want to go for it so just so.

I would stay clear of the obvious "marmite" vegetarian choices though...

Goat's Cheese (I would rather not eat)
Tofu (most people hate it, even a lot of veggies)
Mushrooms (I love them but they are hated by millions)

caringcarer · 03/03/2024 20:57

imnewhere2024 · 03/03/2024 20:46

I do think it’s the principle of PAYING for meat to be consumed to avoid family conflict that has me set to do a veggie only meal. We have no right to say what people eat when we share the bill at a restaurant but when we host people at home they know not to expect meat so why would this be any different I suppose ?

Because in your own home you'd be cooking it. At a venue you wouldn't.

TheActualDuck · 03/03/2024 20:57

I'm a meat eater but my attitude would be that I'll eat what I'm given and as long as you cater for allergies and intolerances then all good.

Original poster
imnewhere2024 · 03/03/2024 20:57

I do take the point about it’s about hosting your guests and catering to them so we should consider a meat option but these people are our closest friends so I’d expect (and hope) the wouldn’t want to us to be uncomfortable crossing an ethical boundary to make them happy.

I just don’t want to come across as a bridezilla “it’s my day” type vibe.

OP posts:
caringcarer · 03/03/2024 20:56

My DH is vegetarian and I eat meat and we offered both options at our wedding. I really don't like vegetarian food so wouldn't come if that was all that was on offer because it feels like you are trying to literally force your choices of food down other people's throats. We always offer equal options when we host. I don't foist meat on to DH and he doesn't foist his vegetarian options on me. I feel this is more respectful. Maybe your friends and family won't mind but I would.

Mudflaps · 03/03/2024 20:56

I think the quality of the food is far more important than meat being served, the last weddi g we were at no one ate either of the main courses because it was just awful, this was a pricey hotel but unfortunately I've seen it more often than I'd like. Pick somewhere that the quality is excellent, the service is good (hot food served hot, no long wait between courses etc) and there'll be no issue with a vegetarian menu.

Lovingitallnow · 03/03/2024 20:55

I'm a Roman Catholic, I still chose a church wedding inspite of most of my guests not being religious. I felt for my day I could impose my views and beliefs on anyone who wanted to come. They were of course welcome to decline the invite.

You're vegetarians for ethical beliefs of course you're not going to support the meat industry on the most expensive meal you'll ever buy. I agree with dh, we'd have no problem with a veggie meal (we might dash out for a Big Mac if we were boozing though) (but to be honest we'd probably do that between the ceremony and reception anyway if a McDonald's was so conveniently local)

Crocsareanoforme · 03/03/2024 20:55

I would expect a vegetarian meal if the bride and groom are veggies, same as I’d expect vegan for the same reason. Our friends are ethical eaters so mostly vegan and I wouldn’t expect them to cook us a meat meal. It’s your day and one day meat free won’t hurt your guests. As another poster said, a great way to try something different too.

Snugglemonkey · 03/03/2024 20:55

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 03/03/2024 20:34

You see I care more about my guests than myself so I would be offering a range of options, I certainly wouldn’t be inflicting my life choices on my friends and family. In the same way, I wouldn’t expect my veggie friends to eat meat at my wedding!

just offer choices.

I agree with this. I would be happy with a meat free menu, but I know a lot of people who would not be. I think you need to cater for your guests. It is not in your home, you do not need to handle meat, so I think there should be a meat option.

Ariona · 03/03/2024 20:54

I'll go against it, but I think hosting your guests and making sure that they are also comfortable and happy makes a wedding day successful. So I would serve a meat option.

Original poster
imnewhere2024 · 03/03/2024 20:53

Thanks all. I do appreciate your input.

no we don’t want to serve meat, but I am conflict avoidant and would be heart broken if I saw / heard rudeness on our wedding day. I think ethically we are not going to offer meat - our wedding list is actually pretty small (under 60) so we have shared a meal with everyone there at least once in the last year so they know our stance. It’s one meal for one day, so I don’t think anyone will loose any sleep. We have taken future in-laws to veggie only restaurants and they loved it so people are open to trying things. Those who have said they look forward to trying new things when they eat have the right mindset and I just need to settle myself on the idea of a few nasty jabs.

OP posts:
Frozenasarock · 03/03/2024 20:52

I’d expect vegetarian food. And in the case of the menu at that venue (which looks lovely) I might not even really notice, it’s much less obvious it’s vegetarian when it’s that style of food anyway than if it’s all fake meat burgers and the like or a roast dinner without the meat!

Sparsely · 03/03/2024 20:52

I am not vegetarian but I wouldn't expect 2 vegetarians to provide meat options on their wedding day. Most don't eat it on ethical grounds, so it would follow they would be against paying for it on ethical grounds too.

innerdesign · 03/03/2024 20:51

@BeingATwatItsABingThing I would maybe offer multiple veggie options and only one meat. I have allergies and strong dislikes of mushroom and goats cheese but most veggie options seems to have one or both!

This sounds a good option. I suspect you'd find lots of guests actively choosing a veggie option in this scenario

JMSA · 03/03/2024 20:50

I say this as a meat eater, but I think it's absolutely fair enough to make your wedding meal vegetarian.
It will do no harm to anybody and I'm sure it'll be absolutely delicious.
Enjoy your special day when it comes! Flowers

Octavia64 · 03/03/2024 20:50

I'm veggie.

We had a veggie wedding. DH was veggie as well.

Some people did mutter about Mcdovalds.

Better than the French wedding we went to where the veggie option was beetroot.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 03/03/2024 20:50

Most standard weddings have a choice of meat dishes with one vegetarian option.

Would you consider going the opposite:

  1. mainly vegetarian option with one meat option or alternatively

  2. all vegetarian menu with the option of adding meat to some of the dishes? I.e mushroom risotto can become chicken and mushroom risotto if the guests really need meat

I suspect in a few years time all vegetarian menus will become more common place but don't think we are there yet.