Overweight child - help needed!

This book sounds great

I really recommend reading Ellyn Satter’s book- she’s written a few but ‘Your Child’s Weight, helping without harming’ -was life changing for us when we were struggling with DD’s weight.

It’s a bit of a mindset shift in that she’s very clear the aim is not about weight loss as such, but about ensuring kids learn to regulate their eating, and listen to their own hunger signals, so that they grow as nature intended- she’s clear that some kids are bigger than others and that’s ok (but she also explains really well how any kind of food restriction invariably has the opposite affect- kids will be hungry and just over eat at other times).

Her methods are pretty straightforward and involve regular meal and snack times, ideally as a family where possible, where you are in charge of what food is offered, and the child can eat as much as they like of these foods, within these meal and snack times. (And then no snacking at other times). A lot of the advice about portion size out there is woefully inaccurate, and she goes into all the research about this.

It sounds counterintuitive in a way to let them eat as much as they want (of the foods you’re serving that is)- and when we started it with DD it was a bit scary seeing how much she ate- BUT that is quite normal, and was a result of us previously restricting her portion sizes (as we had been advised to do- but hadn’t helped at all). Once she trusted that she was going to be able to eat until she was full (I stress again- at the meal and snack times we had decided on, and from the healthy foods we’d provided)- she completely settled down, with some days eating a lot and others less, as is the norm. She’s a very active and healthy weight now.

Not everyone agrees with the methods, but I’d honestly say give it a read (she has a website with lots of info too I think) and see what you think. I’d list it in my top 3 parenting books of all time, and I read a lot of them!!

We also bulk out meals with a bag of steamed veg.

We've also begun to point out about choosing 'healthy' options (no mention of weight). So when they ask for pudding but they had a milkshake earlier, we point that out and ask them to think about if having pudding on top is a healthy choice. Perhaps save the pudding for tomorrow.

We only really did fruit as a pudding when they were little. And we don't do treat pudding every day. Maybe once a week.

We signed upy lad to 2 lots of cadets and swimming club. Plus take him trampolining. It has helped slow the weight gain down. He is the same weight he was 6 months ago and grown an inch.

So, clubs to keep him occupied (something 5 days a week) and where they do a ton of exercise that they don't realise they're doing.

We have the same issue with the food obsession. I have to hide treats that we have. I've bought smaller plates so the food looks like more than it is.

Genetic testing has been done. Not PW or Kleinfelter. He is autistic though. Waiting on results of obesity generally testing.

I haven't read the responses so sorry if I'm repeating. It sounds like emotional eating, my son is 18 now and is the same regarding food (he is 6ft 4 and 18st) he acknowledged his problem was eating to deal with past trauma (he was picked on at school before going to a SEN school).
I know you will be exploring the food issues, but in the meantime to help his weight maybe start doing more physical activities to help, I've had to do this with my daughter who is overweight, she knows she is (I never say it to her, it's her own acknowledgement) so she has asked my to give her healthy food and I've got her swimming lessons and we go for walks. Maybe your son could do something active he loves? Make all his snack choices healthy. Also don't blame yourself

Yes, exactly. This is the up-to-date research on weight management issues for some people & why I advised OP to seek a specialist endocrinologist consultation.

Again, I appreciate the responses, he was involved in tea tonight (salmon with wholewheat pasta followed by greek yogurt and honey) which he enjoyed and I upped the pasta portion a little to see if keeping him fuller helps reduce the snacking

Perhaps up the protein? And add fibrous carbs such as baked sweet potatoes and butternut squash

Pasta is very 'empty', like bread

I was wondering whether joining something like the Scouts would help him.

It would add a bit more activity to his week and he might find it helpfully distracting.

If he is ok to use supplements, try chromium tablets to control his blood sugar, hence appetite.
If it takes to remove pasta and bread at home, you have to do it. It's empty calories and addictive, can relate to it. The food industries are profiting on children seeking for UPF and school meals aren't particularly healthy, often empty starch and a few veg.
Try to cook sone whole foods with high fibre content, like chickpea - chicken quesadillas with thick tortilla, spinach smoothies with oats / frozen berries and peanut butter. These foods will help ti regulate his appetite if he is willing to cooperate. Good luck 😊

I think @Duvetday1 is right and exercise rather than food rationing is the answer. How much sport does he do each day? Up that. Get him to join a gym or go out running. Then the weight will drop.

How much exercise does he get by playing football and cricket and walking? Because that could be very variable and I am wondering whether perhaps he's not exercising enough. Do you mean an hour of football or ten minutes in the playground?
I read a study a while back that said that children need on average 90 minutes of exercise a day. I can honestly believe that judging by my DS but I doubt many children get that. My DS is 12 and had an hour and a half of football training today, followed by an hour and a half of tennis later in the day. Tomorrow a football match and then rugby later in the day. That's his choice - he really does love it.
He's probably the most active out of his friends but they are also all pretty active.

Can he join a gym and you can go with him? Better gyms have junior memberships and sessions for parents and kids. My 14-year-old daughter regularly goes to the gym.

Going against the grain here too - but not having any snack items in the house other than fruit or veg sounds like quite a miserable offering for a 13 year old.. sorry, I just wonder how long you have made those the only snacks available, is it a recent thing or has it been like that since he was a young child? I just wonder if he is pushing back against this and indulging in the unhealthy food with his friends because he knows he isn't allowed any at home (even if you don't present it as that, maybe that's how he feels). No homemade cakes or biscuits or pizzas at all?

I get he's overweight but making certain foods 'prohibited' may be creating a stronger desire for food like chocolate and crisps, especially as he sees all his friends eating them, probably with little restraint. And I'd definitely make his portion size the same as yours. And maybe have higher fat content snacks available like humus, avocados, nuts, dried fruit, full fat yogurt, dark chocolate etc...

Honestly, I'd try and relax a little and do your best to get him more active. Are there any sports he likes that he can do on a regular basis? Can he walk to school everyday or go on regular long bike rides?

There was a study where teens given breakfasts with 35g of protein and they naturally ate on average 400 calories less. I was definitely a hungry kid and I think it was a lack of protein too. If he’s having salmon for dinner it sounds like you are doing fine. But try front loading protein instead, big hearty protein breakfasts.

Needs protein for breakfast rather than a smoothie or still have the smoothie with something in addition to keep him full for longer.

Is your son using overeating as a means of having control in his life?
You sound very involved, and I wondered if was feeling under pressure for being judged as overweight?
Are you able to involve him more in cooking , choosing and making meals. There are courses out there teaching young people to cook healthier.
My DD went through a phase a few years ago and put on a lot of weight. Covid helped us a lot. We went back to basics , plan weekly menu, helps me cook and shop on line - less temptation !
We go for more walks exercise but the emphasis is health and making better choices.
Its taken a few years but she’s 4 stone lighter and much less tired.

I think you need to give him full dinner portions.

Don't depend on organised outdoor sports for him for fitness/ running off the weight.

Swimming would be better - not weather dependent and a super all-body workout.

Or get him a gym membership and go with him to use cardio equipment and weights.

Does he do any sports?
Perhaps he needs to be more active and burn of the calories.

It is true that protein really helps reduce the kind of sugar craving hunger that prompts over-eating.

Add some vanilla protein powder or nut butter to the smoothie. Or make him an egg and ham/ham and cheese/smoked salmon and cream cheese wholemeal or seeded bagel thin for breakfast so the balance of protein to carb is good.

What kind of activities does he take part in when he is not at school?

I'm wondering whether a new activity would make a difference.

In terms of the psychology of food, any perceived deprivation or becoming over hungry is likely to lead to overeating. The food you’ve described him eating really isn’t much to fuel a growing teenager and I think it’s likely that when he gets hungry he reaches for quick easy food, which these days is normally full of crap. As a starting point I’d be trying to get him to eat more filling meals and healthy regular snacks.

I was a fat child and a fat adult, and I just recently started Saxenda, and frankly, I feel a bit angry that I've spent nearly 40 years blaming myself and trying so hard to lose weight, when it turns out that I literally just have it so much harder than people who feel like this (ie. not always able to eat) naturally.

The only times I've lost weight is when i've done prodigious, unsustainable amounts of exercise.

It might not be emotional eating/issues at all (I blamed my weight on that for years) - it might simply be that it's harder for him, because he has to manually control what he's eating, and he doesn't have the will to do that. It's a lot of work.

I was always hungry and craving junk food as a child. I think this was because I wasn't getting enough protein, as most of our meals were based around carbs with a small portion of protein. Once I started eating a good portion of protein at every meal those cravings vanished. Maybe try protein shakes, yogurts or mousses as a snack (doesn't have to be permanent) and see if that impacts the cravings.