Won't marry or commit financially

I haven't read the full thread OP, but I simply could NOT stay with a man who favours one child over another, regardless of whether only one of them is his. He isn't a good man and he's certainly NOT a good father! He's CRUEL, and SELFISH! Dump him and make a home for the 3 of you, and I hope he's lonely as hell in the home that he wants so badly to keep for himself. HATE men like this!

I would get my own place and leave in your situation.

You won’t like this but the reason why he won’t marry you is because he doesn’t love you the same way you love him , he is Poe ably for the little you say also a narcissist who is not able to love anything that doesn’t seem to be controlled or a possession to him , which is why your son is never accepted .
Im about to get married on my 40s , life is not over once your 30s are over . You deserve so much better

You aren’t being unreasonable OP. I live in Australia and after two years of living together (or sooner if they have a child) all the assets held by both partners go into the asset pool in the case of a financial separation. This is regardless of whether or not it’s in one person’s name only or if it’s a business run by one partner. They have the same financial settlement as married couples.

After reading some of the shocking threads on here I think marriage is essential in the UK if you have a child or income / equity of your own that you would like to jointly share with your partner in a protected way.

I am really surprised so many people live together long term considering the lack of financial protection. I am assuming that people are just unaware or perhaps they believe a split will never happen to them?

This changes my opinion completely. Your FIANCÉ?! As in he asked you to marry him?! It not like you’re with someone who was never keen on marriage that you’re asking to change their opinion. This bloke ACTUALLY ASKED YOU TO MARRY HIM. I get people can chance their opinion but the complete lack of communication from him is ridiculous. You need to drive that point home to him, he actually made a promise to marry you and now he’s negated on that. Why did he even ask you if he didn’t want to?

Also the fact you own a BTL together I think changes the house problem. You do own a house together. I understand him not wanting to have to share financially the house that he worked hard for so isn’t sharing a BTL a compromise? However you need to be putting what you put into his house into a BTL of your own. No helping him pay for any improvements etc if it his asset until you have enough to buy your own home.

And why on earth do you pay for everything for the children?! Why is he not paying his share of his own child…..more money you can put towards a property of your own.

I'm sorry, but this in itself should be reason to LTB. I feel for you older child, can you imagine what that is doing to their self esteem? Their step father massively favours their sibling and they feel hurt by this. Please wake up.

I think people assumed your son was 8 or something and got completely carried away. Sorry it went like that op. Some of us (perhaps with older kids) saw it differently. Sounds like you have a good handle on it all.

You’re changing the goal posts, you knew he didn’t want to marry but had a child with him. It’s reasonable for him to protect his assets, and you’ve bought a house together to supplement your pension.

im not sure why everyone is telling you to leave him, he hasn’t done anything wrong

You need to hear this OP: a guy who loves you would not behave like this. Time to take a long hard look at your relationship and decide if this really is all you feel you are worth 🥺

Maybe start acting like a grown up then? And stop posting horrible comments too someone over the internet?

Just a thought

@Charlotte778 disgusting post

We're not 'girls'.

I genuinely feel sorry for your children because of how your 'partner' treats them. From what you first posted, you were extremely passive and your priority was getting a ring on your finger.

I don't know why you posted the thread but I hope you got what you needed from it.

I hope your okay OP. Just remember its a bunch of strangers on the internet. They don't know you. And lets be honest, their opinions don't actually matter.

Well jolly good for you

I own my choices

I think the question you have to ask is would he do this if he was with his absolute ideal 10/10 woman?

If the answer is no, then you aren’t mrs right you’re mrs good enough for the time being. Someone comfortable and easy until the 10/10 comes along.

sorry I know that’s mean to say.

Wow
I really am in shock at some of the animals women's replies on here, calling the OP a terrible mother just because of a few replies on a forum.

Absoulutely disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourselves. We're supposed to build each other up not tearing each other down. The funny thing is, I bet half of your own lives aren't in order and you definitely wouldn't say that to the OP face!!

I wonder if you tell your children it's wrong to bully, while being a cyber one yourselves.

He's not going to marry you, OP, I don't know how much clearer he can make it for you. You aren't the one. He will probably find someone he does want to marry and then you'll be gone.

For your youngest child's sake then, make provision for that now and sort your finances/housing plan out now.

Time to cut your losses and move on, but I appreciate that may be an upheaval, emotionally and financially. He won't give you what you want, he never will, and quite frankly I would be doing the same as him with regard to protecting my investment.

I just read the massive drip feed @Charlotte778 about owning another property together. While I still think a 10 year old (at the time) should come first your financial situation is a bit different to how presented in the first post. You won't be left penniless. I'd think about how much maintenance you want to pay towards the home you live in together...

This. Exactly this.

Don't underestimate the damage a deceased father/absent father and emotionally abusive step fathers can do to a child's mind.

I speak from experience

Your older child will likely never heal from this, even after years of therapy. The poor child.

Your older child lost a parent and this man massively favours his 'own' child? I'm sorry @Charlotte778 I would never ever accept that for my dc who have lost a parent. Never.

Your partner wants the benefit of a wife without any responsibility towards her financial well-being or stability. I would not accept this for yourself, but mostly for your older dc or even younger one. It's not reasonable for the father of your child to leave you in such a precarious position.

Unfortunately it sounds like you are both to blame here, he shouldn't of gotten involved with so one who allready has children as it was clearly a deal breaker for him and you shouldn't of had a child with him without first getting married as that was your deal breaker by the sounds of it, pre nups arnt legally binding so that would never work either