Tied into commitment made a year ago

School does not have a good or reliable breakfast/after school provision so far as I'm told.

Really? There must be other working parents in the school who access childcare somewhere. The mum needs to look into what they use.

She’s not, because she’d rather the OP did it for her free.

Have you discussed this more with your DH, @UntilThenAndTen ? I would be really cross that he didn’t have my back here.

Poor boy, it's good that you've helped out but fair enough not to do it forever. I would think after school club (doubtful there is no provision) or childminder for a few days each week would be best, then dad can juggle his work over 2 wekes rather than one early week and one late week. It would be nice for mum to set up, but you can't actually force her to, whereas if dad wants the relationship with you to continue then he needs to sort this out. You might compromise by finishing early one day each week and collecting both children then, if that works for your schedule. More importantly, it isn't clear when nor how he is contributing to your shared child's care, and how much of an issue that will be once your child is in school; having him consider all childcare as between you and your mum is quite the ick factor.

I don’t understand parents who have children and then think they can opt out of doing half the school runs because their ex has a new wife and so she should automatically be your free nanny, despite the fact SHE IS WORKING.

Does that apply to the actual parents who knew what they were signing up for when they decided to have a child? Is it terrible that the child’s parents are treating him like an inconvenience?

As a step gran I was looking after stepgc from age 2 to the end of the hols last summer but have been unceremoniously dumped as stepgc's mum's partner 's mum is a teacher and a far superior option than me now for helping with childcare.
My point is why should op get her mum on with the job, why is OP expected to lose massive amounts of money in the long wrong cos if the child's parent had a better option she would use it without a second thought to step mum's bond.
It's all jump jump jump for steps but no matter how high it's never quite right.

Thank you. I’ve always said that I’ll never climb mountains for people who wouldn’t step over puddles for me and when push comes to shove I definitely care about myself and my kids more than anyone else on this planet. If that makes me selfish then give me a badge and I’ll wear it with pride. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well said @Zoreos

Ordinarily when we get posts that say “My DP has left me high and dry for OW and I have no savings or funds to fall back on but I’ve raised his kids for the past 20 years and have no/ hardly progressed in my career”. Everyone goes “Women need to make sure that they don’t allow their careers to take a backseat while the man progresses as that leaves you extremely financially vulnerable and that is a dangerous position to be in”. Absolutely correct! Until it comes to the woman being a step parent, then you must allow your career to nosedive into shit because you must prioritise your husbands children over the future welfare of you and your kids. Especially when said DH nor his ex would never be willing to do the same even though those two people alone created that step child. Funny that. Fancy people actually having to be responsible for the children they bring onto the earth. 🙄 🤔

This! There are some cringey super posts on here

I don't think you are being unreasonable OP.

And "the other half" also works at yhe times mum can't have him. She has her own child in paid childcare so that she can work.

If your DSS's parents were still together they'd have to find a way to make this work but you WFH home and being self employed makes you far too available Op. It's very easy to say you don't have a boss to answer too but you need to give a decent service to your clients, if you're not supplying what your customers need, when they need it, you'll find them drifting away. Maybe your DH needs to see this in a financial light - at the moment you can pay your way, but private clients will be far less forgiving then a boss in an office

Then mum needs to prioritise her child and get a job that allows her to parent her child, not dump that responsibility on someone else.

If the OP were to treat her SC the same as her own child, the SC would be in paid childcare. Like her own is.

But the SC's mum has failed to arrange that, hence the OP's post. Did you not read anythingbthe OP wrote, and just decided tobturn up to giva an SM a bashing?

Could backfire, given what CFs she's dealing with. As in, once they realise how muxh she makes... " well, you could put that towards childcare"

Oh they don't 😊 it's just a few entitled people like yourself who seem to think a stepmothers role is to be both mother and father but with non of the rights. Fund the step children, do all the childcare/practical stuff for the step children but oi! They only have one mother so don't you dare overstep.
I'm so glad that the tide is slowly turning on Mumsnet. We just expect so so much from step mothers don't we? More than the actual mothers apparently. Certainly more than stepfathers and actual fathers.

i Would do it tbh but stay firm on school holidays and say their must be a back up plan they sort for sickness etc i would feel to bad for the child it won’t be forever but he wil remember you doing that for him forever

Both parents work full time and do alternate weeks of childcare.
The dad sorts childcare in his week.

Why would it possibly be the step mum’s job to do childcare on the mum’s week, when she also works full time?!

The mum needs to sort childcare on her week.

what would happen if @UntilThenAndTen splits with partner? He and ex are ok as they have had promotions but her career has been trashed through childcare provision

Seriously cheeky fuckers. Show DH this thread.

@UntilThenAndTen YANBU

You stepped in kindly to help when there was an issue but now you're quite rightfully asking for another solution .

Why isn't your DH taking your side???

The mum needs to find either a childminder for her week or perhaps consider a different school that has better breakfast and ASC provisions.

Well it's not possible is it? OP works too.

Look all 3 people work full time. Child's father has changed his hours so he can be responsible for his child during his contact time. Child's mother has to do the same, or come up with an alternative.

And ask her to pay monthly, in advance 🤗

So the mother doesn't want to change her work pattern to enable her to pick and drop off her child during her time, yet in your view the step-mother should be doing exactly that. Why is the SM expected to show more flexibility than the mother? It seems that SM's are only seen as equal to the parents when it comes to their time and money. Bet you wouldn't be so keen on the whole "3 parents" view if the SM was to discipline the SC as the parents would. Oh no, suddenly it's all cries of "you're not the parent" then.
If both the mother and SM are working it's down to the mother to sort childcare out for HER child, the same as it would be for any parent.