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Original poster

Obsessing over 4th pregnancy. Help me stop.

35 replies

Littlepinkbag · 26/02/2024 19:40

I've 3 beautiful, healthy children, aged 9, 7 and 3. Happy marriage. 3 is our limit for all sorts of practical reasons.

I'm not broody. I don't want another baby, as such.

I feel desperate to be pregnant again. I've started tracking my ovulation and praying for an accident to happen. My husband is militant about using protection and I so want to be pregnant!

I'm 41 and assume my body is just crying out for one last chance. This isn't a gratitude thing, by the way. I can't tell you how grateful I am for my 3. It feels totally senseless, illogical, hormonal and biological. I can't help it, and it's driving me mad.

Please talk me out of this and tell me how U I'm being!

OP posts:
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Original poster
Littlepinkbag · 03/03/2024 16:32

Update. Since ive ovulated (think I have anyway), I've not been thinking about babies or pregnancy etc.

Biology! See you in a month!

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlepinkbag · 01/03/2024 20:07

I've just been thinking back to when I was a teenager and the very thought of being pregnant would bring me out in a cold sweat, because I knew my parents would kill me! Once I was old enough for my parents not to kill me should I have become pregnant, I've always been open to the idea! When I was on the pill in my twenties I would hopefully google 'chances of getting pregnant on the pill' 20 years later and I'm still googling 'chances of getting pregnant when using condoms' with a wistful little glimmer of hope! I would just keep getting pregnant until the menopause made the decision for me, if I could!

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlepinkbag · 01/03/2024 19:45

@lambhotpot the thing is that I'm already in the thick of it! I just stopped breastfeeding the youngest last year and she is still in nappies so I my mind it's not such a drastic case of going backwards. My eldest isn't even 10 yet, and I just love babies and toddlers. The thought of not having small kids anymore is bothering me a bit 🙃

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 29/02/2024 21:39

I have four ( all grown up now ) and would not recommend. Hard work and hugely expensive and much more expensive as they get older !

Hibernatalie · 29/02/2024 21:39

It's our age OP, I'm the same (age 40). Sometimes I put my hand on my belly and pretend I am! But in no way do I actually want another child. It's just hormones.

lambhotpot · 29/02/2024 21:35

Nothing in this world would make me want another.
I see babies im not all ooohh so sweet im more thank god its not mine.
You would be parenting all through your 50s think about it.
You want your freedom back at some point.
To go all back to baby days no sleep schools teen years oh god no.
Im 37 my baby is 19 & moved out and i have all my freedom back to do what i want.

Vettrianofan · 29/02/2024 19:23

I found three an odd number so had four DC 🤣 sorry <runs>

EmmaGrundyForPM · 29/02/2024 17:02

@HappierTimesAhead to be fair, she's a brilliant mum and she has done a fantastic job, despite a fairly useless DH. I'd have been dreadful, which is why I very happily stuck to two!

Original poster
Littlepinkbag · 29/02/2024 16:59

I see that 22% have said I'm not being unreasonable haha. Gosh the hormon3s are powerful. When I started ttc my eldest, I wanted a child. Same for the other two. I wanted another human in our family. This time around I don't know what it is I want but it's like an obsessive urge that my egg needs to be fertilised! It makes no sense. Thank goodness my husband thinks with his head!

OP posts:
HappierTimesAhead · 29/02/2024 16:03

EmmaGrundyForPM · 29/02/2024 05:01

One of my friends decided at 40 to go for baby number 4. Baby number 4 turned out to be babies 4 and 5. There's a higher chance of twin pregnancies in older mums.

😲 This made me shudder!

TheHorneSection · 29/02/2024 16:03

I had to be talked into having DC2, I was pretty happy with one child. I’ve also had an endometrial ablation so can’t even get pregnant. I do not want another child.

But fuck me, the pre menopause hormones sometimes! It’s insane, it’s like my body is just nudge nudge nudge reminding me I’m looking at my last chance. Bloody hormones.

Original poster
Littlepinkbag · 29/02/2024 15:58

So good to know that I am not alone in this absolute craziness! I keep thinking about how exhilarating it would be to see a positive pregnancy test, to tell people, to have the bump, to have a family photo shoot with me and my big bump and my kids gathered around me. My body just wants more and its the oddest thing.

OP posts:
maybein2022 · 29/02/2024 11:26

Ah OP I am the same. We have 3 and in fact number 3 was a surprise baby and now the longing for one more is intense even though we were only expecting to have 2! Realistically like you I know it’s not a good idea though.

stormonasummerseve · 29/02/2024 11:00

Ah see i feel lucky here because I'm 41 and my son is 20 so that brings me down to earth sharpish 😂

Genuinelyenquiring · 29/02/2024 07:38

Littlepinkbag · 26/02/2024 20:58

My pregnancies were all fine, generally. I never felt like 'I'm never doing this again'. Once the sickness passed, I just loved it. I loved everything about it, even the waddling. The births were all horrible in one way or another and breastfeeding was very stressful with all 3, particularly with the last one.

I know I said it's not a baby I want, but I kind of feel like I'd like to collect my babies like Pokemon cards. I love seeing what they look like and what their personality is, eye colour, what relative they take after. I find it fascinating. I love how the genetics work and have another son all lined up to be conceived and born, just so I can get a look at him. My youngest isn't actually quite 3 yet so I'm still in the baby phase anyway. Maybe I want to have another baby to be like a real life Sylvanian families and play with the baby like a dolly and look at how cute the little animals all are together.

I was an only child and always wanted a huge family; with each new child I feel like lonely little childhood me gets some kind of validation. I can't explain it. It feels satisfying to have a bigger family.my husband is from a big family and his memories are more Hunger Games style survival of the fittest race to survive amongst one's siblings.

It's a drive and feels very strong but also very natural and right to want more babies.

Ooooh I can relate to this and it's total MADNESS. A fourth would be a disaster for all sorts of reasons but I would love one more!!

Starspangledrodeopony · 29/02/2024 07:38

Hormones are mental. 😬

Scalottia · 29/02/2024 07:30

YABU. Nobody needs 4 children. Having a child at your age comes with more risk. Be happy with what you have. Just ignore the urges, it's just biology doing what it does. It will pass. 3 children is more than enough.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 29/02/2024 05:01

One of my friends decided at 40 to go for baby number 4. Baby number 4 turned out to be babies 4 and 5. There's a higher chance of twin pregnancies in older mums.

Original poster
Littlepinkbag · 29/02/2024 04:52

hollyandivyknickers · 28/02/2024 21:24

Breathe through it ! Three is lots now. You will wave the school run years without a backward look.

and there are more likely to be issues as you get older.

I had this madness. DH was dead set against. He prevailed and now I am very glad he did.

Ah, I work in a school and the school run is just me going to work! Which I love! Definitely breathing through it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlepinkbag · 29/02/2024 04:47

I think I've ovulated as the craziness seems to have lifted a lot overnight. My body doesn't feel like it's on the brink of creation, if that makes sense. Something has shifted.
I keep trying to think back to the last delivery. As soon as I was wheeled out of theatre, I told my husband to book a vasectomy. That was the first thing I said to him after our child was born! The recovery was terrible. Breastfeeding was torture: so painful that I was screaming in the hospital bed (very unlike me). I have the same urge to breastfeed wheb I have a baby, as I have to get pregnant now unfortunately!!! I got a lactation consultant as I had a low milk supply and was on a gruelling programme of pumping, breastfeeding, and topping up with expressed milk until my supply increased and it was brutal. It worked but it nearly cost me my sanity!

Then the sleep...my 3 year old only started sleeping last year. Some nights she was awake every 20 minutes. There were times I would be walking down the street and would really wonder if I would make it to our house without literally collapsing on the footpath!

We have no support as we live far from family.

In saying all.of this, every second of pain and discomfort has been worth it. My kids are amazing. Everyone comments on what fun, sweet, hilarious children my kids are and I just want to see what another one would be like!

But deep down, I know that 3 is the limit.

OP posts:
WithACatLikeTread · 28/02/2024 21:25

FirstTimeMum897 · 26/02/2024 20:06

Your brain/hormones are messing with you. You do not want a 4th child. Think about it. You'd be almost 60 when they finish high school. Think about all the school trips, tutoring, treats that your existing kids will miss out on because you chose to have a 4th. You're existing kids are almost all coming to really nice ages, you can soon reason with your youngest and send them to school. The chances of a disabled child at your age are so so so high, how will you cope with that?

Think how HARD a pregnancy at 41 would be on your body - I'm 35 and pregnant and it's no walk in the park. I shudder to think about doing this at 41/42.

There are so many downsides (although they are so cute and I love babies so I get it 😍).

I had my youngest at 35 and although slightly harder than the one at 30 it was still reasonably easy. You talk like you are geriatric.

hollyandivyknickers · 28/02/2024 21:24

Breathe through it ! Three is lots now. You will wave the school run years without a backward look.

and there are more likely to be issues as you get older.

I had this madness. DH was dead set against. He prevailed and now I am very glad he did.

JoleneTookHerMan · 28/02/2024 21:20

FirstTimeMum897 · 26/02/2024 20:06

Your brain/hormones are messing with you. You do not want a 4th child. Think about it. You'd be almost 60 when they finish high school. Think about all the school trips, tutoring, treats that your existing kids will miss out on because you chose to have a 4th. You're existing kids are almost all coming to really nice ages, you can soon reason with your youngest and send them to school. The chances of a disabled child at your age are so so so high, how will you cope with that?

Think how HARD a pregnancy at 41 would be on your body - I'm 35 and pregnant and it's no walk in the park. I shudder to think about doing this at 41/42.

There are so many downsides (although they are so cute and I love babies so I get it 😍).

I had my youngest just before my 40th. I will be nearly 60 when she's almost 20.
pregnancy was hard but not harder than with my first when I was a few years younger.

None if this I consider a 'downside'

'A disabled child at your age?' Really?

Sallyh87 · 28/02/2024 21:15

I totally get it! I don’t even want anymore children, I just have this uncontrollable urge to get pregnant. My health is poor and I shouldn’t but have a real urge.

Not the most helpful post as I have no advice. Hopefully it will just pass!

Littlemisscapable · 28/02/2024 21:14

I felt like this and then we had a fourth ! It has been fantastic but some things are harder.. the little gang of 3 he was born into are now a lot more separate and we are pulled in more directions.. he doesn't have as much company as they did at the same age..and obviously it is more expensive. At 45 I can definitely say it was hormones talking but it's a difficult time for women..big change is coming.focus on yourself instead and your identity/career when this phase is over..

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