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AIBU?

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Original poster

This is not a date

65 replies

Mangococktail · 25/02/2024 16:23

Boss has asked me to dinner.

I've said yes as I enjoy his company. We are both single.

There was no weird atmosphere when he asked me. We were chatting and he said he'd like to talk more but in a meeting wasn't the best place to do it. We should go out for dinner.

We get on.

We've never flirted. We do discuss some shared interests and I do joke with him more than my colleagues do.

I have worked with him for 5 months.

When he asked I didn't think it was a date.

He said he wanted to go somewhere nice. He is renowned for normally being very unfussy about food.

He has not as far as I know taken any of the others for dinner. But the majority of them are in their first job...v young.

YABU...this could well be some sort of date
YANBU...this is clearly not a date

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
BobbyBiscuits · 11/03/2024 14:28

To me, a boss shouldn't be asking a junior staff member for 'dinner'. If he's got something to say, say it in his meeting. At most he could invite people for drinks after work, but again you'd hope it would be the whole team invited.

Sounds to me like he's trying to date you. If you don't want that (I would not advise dating your boss) then make it clear. If he looks taken aback then just don't go.

inabubble3 · 11/03/2024 14:15

Did the dinner happen? How did it go? X

Fannyfiggs · 27/02/2024 15:43

Mangococktail · 27/02/2024 14:00

Well...definitely not a date!

My boss has been argumentative and moody and quite dictatorial today.

It's all been quite tense and not pleasant and neither of us has mentioned dinner.

We have always got on but not today it would seem!

Is he on his period today 🙄

😉

Original poster
Mangococktail · 27/02/2024 15:37

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 27/02/2024 14:22

He saw the thread and he's mortified Grin

I really did wonder this 😂

OP posts:
Illpickthatup · 27/02/2024 14:29

What could be need to discuss over dinner that couldn't be discussed in a meeting room in the office?

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 27/02/2024 14:22

He saw the thread and he's mortified Grin

Original poster
Mangococktail · 27/02/2024 14:00

Well...definitely not a date!

My boss has been argumentative and moody and quite dictatorial today.

It's all been quite tense and not pleasant and neither of us has mentioned dinner.

We have always got on but not today it would seem!

OP posts:
manysausages · 25/02/2024 22:57

It sounds like you’re open to it being a date, but equally happy if it’s not - so you have nothing to lose.

Hope you have a nice time.

Noseybookworm · 25/02/2024 19:52

It sounds like he enjoys your company and wants to get to know you better outside of work. I'd just go and see what happens. Would you be open to dating him?

ForTonightGodisaDJ · 25/02/2024 19:15

Spinet · 25/02/2024 16:33

What if it is a date?

Lol I thought this said what is a date.

Disturbia81 · 25/02/2024 19:00

Men don't all prefer younger women. I know so many men with older women.
Why does it matter that there are more attractive people at your work? And that's in your opinion, maybe he thinks you are the most attractive.
Are you always so negative about yourself?

bringmorewashing · 25/02/2024 18:58

Not sure OP. It depends on your workplace and general relationship. I'm a freelancer and sometimes have dinner (or lunch or coffee) with either male or.female 'bosses'/clients I work for regularly, but it's normal in our industry and always expensed. It's partly discussing projects/informal networking, partly because we get on and it's nice to catch up! I've never wondered if it was a date so maybe your intuition is picking up on something?

I did go to an industry dinner event once with a senior colleague who somehow thought it was a date though. Yikes. Awkward.

willWillSmithsmith · 25/02/2024 18:27

gould · 25/02/2024 17:20

You're going on a date with your boss and he's dressed it up as something else

How can you not see this?

Have you heard the saying about doorsteps and shitting?

When your colleagues find out expect to be treated differently by them and not in a good way as they will no longer speak openly to you

I dated my boss (ended up long term, kids etc) and absolutely no one cold shouldered me or acted different. There were lots of bosses in the company though so it wasn’t like he was the CEO, which might have been different.

SurelySmartie · 25/02/2024 18:18

Likewise I don't fancy him but I do like him a lot.

I'm a bit confused.

uh oh complicado.

willWillSmithsmith · 25/02/2024 18:14

I had a boss once who suddenly declared to me I’m taking you out to lunch (in a gruff voice). He was a magazine editor and very quirky. I went because I knew there was zero agenda to it but that didn’t stop me being mortified when he ‘fed’ me some morsel on a chopstick 😁 Absolutely nothing in it though, he was gruff but a sweetheart.

I couldn’t say if your scenario is the same so you’ll have to go with your gut. And mine was work time lunch, not dinner.

BronwenTheBrave · 25/02/2024 18:04

He is a man. He will try and shag you.

Original poster
Mangococktail · 25/02/2024 18:02

Jennyjojo5 · 25/02/2024 17:52

I highly suspect, from the way you are writing this, that you want us all to tell you that this is most definitely a date 😉

I think I'd rather on the whole it wasn't. But if it is I'd just like it to be a very tentative one.

I have never felt less physically attractive than I am right now and whilst we do get on he's never given any indication of fancying me.

Likewise I don't fancy him but I do like him a lot.

I'm a bit confused.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mangococktail · 25/02/2024 17:56

ThisHonestQuail · 25/02/2024 17:51

It’s not a date.. yet! It definitely seems like he wants to get to know you on a personal level rather than work.

Yes. I think this is the case.

So I need to think where my boundaries are and what I'm happy discussing and what I'm not happy discussing.

It isn't that he is trying to seduce me that worried me but that I might reveal things about myself that impact his perception of me professionally.

I'm happy to get to know him better but there need to be parameters around that and what time it is or what anyone wears or who picks who up matters less than being clear in advance of what topics are off the table. (For example a sibling committed suicide...I was in a physically abusive relationship...neither of those are things I wish to share outside a close relationship).

This has all helped. Sorry if I've frustrated some.

OP posts:
CharmedCult · 25/02/2024 17:55

He has not as far as I know taken any of the others for dinner.

To be fair he used to go out a lot with Keith from Accounts. But six months ago Keith's wife had a baby and now Keith doesn't go out much.

Ok. Good luck on your fantasy date.

Jennyjojo5 · 25/02/2024 17:52

I highly suspect, from the way you are writing this, that you want us all to tell you that this is most definitely a date 😉

Original poster
Mangococktail · 25/02/2024 17:51

CharmedCult · 25/02/2024 17:47

Possible he wants to talk some work things in confidence. Possible he's just a bit bored and fancies some company.

Funny, it’s never Keith from Accounts that these bosses ask out because they want to talk work outside of work, or fancy their company, offering to pick them up from home and drop them off afterwards.

To be fair he used to go out a lot with Keith from Accounts. But six months ago Keith's wife had a baby and now Keith doesn't go out much.

There are much more attractive women at work than me. In fact I'd say I was the least attractive!

OP posts:
ThisHonestQuail · 25/02/2024 17:51

It’s not a date.. yet! It definitely seems like he wants to get to know you on a personal level rather than work.

Original poster
Mangococktail · 25/02/2024 17:49

DojaPhat · 25/02/2024 17:39

Of course if this all suits you then have at it but this doesn't sound like a typical day in the office to anyone who's never shagged their boss.

Why are you telling posters to 'calm down' as though what you've described is in any way typical. Your post pretty much outlines a good working relationship between you and your boss, that you say you're both single indicates that there is a part of you that realises that if any of you were in a relationship dinner at a nice restaurant would be questionable at worst.

Of course if I had a colleague with such a close working relationship with my manager who also happened to be getting into the swing of nice dinners I'd think WTF.

No. If either of us were in a relationship then it obviously wouldn't be a date!!

I've also been to Valentine's Dinner on Valentine's day with a third previous boss...and his wife.

I am sorry but dining alone with a boss is something I've frequently done. I've never kissed one! If that's not the case for you, fair is fair!

OP posts:
CharmedCult · 25/02/2024 17:47

Possible he wants to talk some work things in confidence. Possible he's just a bit bored and fancies some company.

Funny, it’s never Keith from Accounts that these bosses ask out because they want to talk work outside of work, or fancy their company, offering to pick them up from home and drop them off afterwards.

jeaux90 · 25/02/2024 17:40

Don't ask him. Just go.

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