Page 3 | Anonymous FB messages

BaaBaaBlackSheepOfTheFam · 2024-02-24T18:05:35+00:00

My ex and I broke up in 2022, when our little one was born. Things were quite volatile between us for a few months, a lot of arguing. However we've not spoken for well over a year. Since the middle of last year, I've received a couple of anonymous Facebook messages, from two different accounts with different names, no profile pic etc. The first one was along the lines of "Paul (not real name) has moved on, they've bought a house together, time for you to step back". The latest one, last week was "Paul's got what he always wanted, a little boy, Oscar, time for you to disappear and let him move on with his family". I don't speak to my ex at all and haven't done for over a year, bar the odd text mesaage in regards to our child. All contact with our child is done by him picking her up from nursery, keeping her overnight and dropping back to nursery the next day. I know nothing of his life these days however after the latest message, I did a bit of digging and it turns out he has had a kid, born recently. It rankled a little as our kid isn't even 2 yet, but we certainly weren't ever going to get back together, so whatever. I'm actually feeling really unsettled by these messages. I don't know who is sending them, him? The new woman? We don't have mutual friends. I don't have anything to do with him so why would I care if he's bought a house and had a baby with someone. Would I be unreasonable to go to the police about these messages? It's creeping me out knowing that there is someone who is contacting me but that I don't know who they are. Would the police even act and trace who it is and tell them to back off? I feel really....I don't know....invaded.

Original poster

BaaBaaBlackSheepOfTheFam · 25/02/2024 11:01

rainydaysandwednesdays · 25/02/2024 10:42

This would worry me too and I'd seriously question where your child is going and staying? It irks me a bit that you know so little about his home life when your daughter is going there to stay.

This person sounds a little nuts and they potentially have access to your child. From the message, and if it is the new woman, it seems like they have issue with your daughter and are suggesting she's unwanted.

I'd speak to your ex and get to the bottom of it.

As I've already said, I assumed that our daughter was going to our old shared house when he had her, he didn't let on otherwise. So I'm not sure why you're irked by me when this entire change of circumstances has been hidden from me and I was under the impression that she was at home with her father.

We did initially speak about things before we went very low contact with one another bar essential messages regaridng our daighter and I said that I had some stipulations, one of which being that no new partners be introduced until things are serious between them, for me that would've been around the 2 year mark. He said that he would respect that. I certainly didn't expect him to have moved in with a partner and have given my daughter a sibling before she was even 2 years old.

OP posts:

TravChief · 25/02/2024 10:55

If it is her, I would not be comfortable leaving a young child with her. I’d see it as a protection issue.

TravChief · 25/02/2024 10:54

Do you think the anonymous friend request was someone/her wanting to see your feed and to see if you’ve posted anything suggesting you are close with him ?

Original poster

BaaBaaBlackSheepOfTheFam · 25/02/2024 10:54

Beautiful3 · 25/02/2024 08:50

Do you think that he's cheating on her, and she wrongly thinks it's you? He could be using you as an excuse for being late home/popping out etc.

I don't think he would be cheating on her if things are hunky dory between them and they will be as i believe they've only been together 18 months ish max. So not much time for things to turn to shit and for him to then go looking elsewhere, in amongst buying a house together, having a baby etc..

He did message other women while I was pregnant/when our daughter was only a few weeks old, however we weren't together at that point, things had already hit the rocks with us and he was merely staying 3 or 4 nights a week with me to help with the newborn days. I do now know that the woman he was messaging when our little one was weeks old is the woman that he's now with, i recall seeing a message pop up from her on his phone when we were sitting in a cafe after having gotten a grocery shop from morrisons and our DD was around 6/8 weeks old at that point.. Not that I think that messaging other women while he was sitting in my house or out with me and his newborn daughter was acceptable, regardless of our relationship status, as he knew the effect it was having on me, especially at a time when I should've been able relax and be supported, being pregannt and a new mother. Personally if I had been him, I'd have been concentrating on being a new father. However we clearly have different morals and priorities.

OP posts:

rainydaysandwednesdays · 25/02/2024 10:42

This would worry me too and I'd seriously question where your child is going and staying? It irks me a bit that you know so little about his home life when your daughter is going there to stay.

This person sounds a little nuts and they potentially have access to your child. From the message, and if it is the new woman, it seems like they have issue with your daughter and are suggesting she's unwanted.

I'd speak to your ex and get to the bottom of it.

TotoroElla · 25/02/2024 10:39

For me the concern is he's made enormous changes in your DD's life without even letting you know so you can support her with the changes. This to me is not a father who is putting his DD first. Also due to these messages which presumably are from your DD's step mother I would have concern as to how she is treating your DD. You say she is with her father but you don't actually know this. She could be alone with her step mother. You say your DD sleeps in a cot in her father's room but this is not necessarily the case now there is a new baby. It's a tricky situation, but I'd be inclined to speak to the grandmother. I wouldn't let him being angry stop you doing something for the welfare of your DD. I'd also go back to one night because a new baby on the scene is hardly a stable time to start increasing contact.

Original poster

BaaBaaBlackSheepOfTheFam · 25/02/2024 10:37

AgnesX · 25/02/2024 10:31

Why don't you change your security settings so you can'tget messages from random people. Won't help with messages you already have but in the future anyway.

I've just deleted the whole thing. I've been wanting to move away from social media for a while now, it's a waste of time, so this has been the excuse I needed to get rid.

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Original poster

BaaBaaBlackSheepOfTheFam · 25/02/2024 10:36

Loubelle70 · 25/02/2024 10:24

Your ex is making up stories so his new girlfriend thinks hes hot material to other women. Its a controlling tactic.
Personally id message back saying ... I didnt want him a year ago..certainly dont want him now. No matter what he implies to you , have you thought he is probably trying to keep you on your toes? Hes not that special else i would still be with him and he is telling you fibs about me being interested. Take care.

Then id block any messages that arent from friends..id also block ex profile if hes on your friends.
You only have to converse about DC

"Hot material" 😂 Sorry but this made me laugh, you'd only need to look at him to know he's not hot material!

I've completely deleted facebook, if it is her then she can send herself mad thinking whatever. I blocked messages that weren't from friends however I then, yesterday, recieved a friend request from an anonymous profile. The pair of them are blocked from my profile, or were, it's now deleted.

OP posts:

AgnesX · 25/02/2024 10:31

Why don't you change your security settings so you can'tget messages from random people. Won't help with messages you already have but in the future anyway.

Original poster

BaaBaaBlackSheepOfTheFam · 25/02/2024 10:30

Americano75 · 25/02/2024 10:26

Do you still have any kind of relationship with his mother? Is it worth speaking to her?

I've not spoken to her in over a year. Talking to her would just cause problems I feel as he'd be angry that I'd got in touch with her seeing as we're no longer together and that would potentially stir up drama.

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Original poster

BaaBaaBlackSheepOfTheFam · 25/02/2024 10:28

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 25/02/2024 09:21

I would say it's either the new gf, or her mum/sister.

Screenshot the messages. He'll have no idea they've been sent. However, he's obviously telling someone that you're still chasing him/causing problems etc, or he's been saying he's having to go to yours because you're being problematic (to hide the fact he's having an affair or something)

Honestly, he'll shit himself when he sees them because he'll realise he's started a game that's got out of control and this is the first step of it coming back to bite him in the ass.

Show quote history

The thing is, I don't think he would've said that I'm still chasing him, it would cause him hassle. He's very much a man that wants a relationship where he gets peace and quiet and sex. If he's getting that then he wouldn't risk bringing drama in.

OP posts:

Americano75 · 25/02/2024 10:26

Do you still have any kind of relationship with his mother? Is it worth speaking to her?

mintich · 25/02/2024 10:25

You can trace her yourself. There are websites that generate links that will show the ip address of the person who clicks on it. I'd send her a link back and see where the person is that clicks on it.

Loubelle70 · 25/02/2024 10:24

Your ex is making up stories so his new girlfriend thinks hes hot material to other women. Its a controlling tactic.
Personally id message back saying ... I didnt want him a year ago..certainly dont want him now. No matter what he implies to you , have you thought he is probably trying to keep you on your toes? Hes not that special else i would still be with him and he is telling you fibs about me being interested. Take care.

Then id block any messages that arent from friends..id also block ex profile if hes on your friends.
You only have to converse about DC

SKG231 · 25/02/2024 10:22

It sounds to me like it’s his new woman and she probably thinks you’re still seeing each other or something along those lines.

their relationship obviously isn’t going well if she’s feeling the need to do this. Pity her and ignore it.

Original poster

BaaBaaBlackSheepOfTheFam · 25/02/2024 10:19

Nicole1111 · 25/02/2024 07:33

Message him and say
“Just to let you know I’ve been getting messages saying I need to move on from
you and disappear. They’ve also shared personal details about your life that you’ve chosen not to share with me. I’m confused as to the purpose of the messages because I have moved on. As the only remaining link to us is our child I wonder if the comment about disappearing is them hoping I’ll stop your contact, which I wouldn’t want to do. I have no idea who they’re from but I’m obviously concerned that someone in your life who may have access to our child is sending them and what that means for our daughter. If the messages continue I’ll have to ask the police to trace the ip address they originate from so that they can find the home address the ip address originated from.”
Then turn your Facebook back on so you can check if further messages come through.

Thank you, I like the sound of this message and it isn't conformnational/likely to cause issues.

OP posts:

Original poster

BaaBaaBlackSheepOfTheFam · 25/02/2024 10:17

EmilyGilmoreenergy · 25/02/2024 08:08

She would only see you have looked at her linked in if were looking from a logged in account yourself

A contact centre is not the norm it's for people that have relationships that have broken down often because of abusive behaviour to the point they need to use them and not knowing direct contact details is for safeguarding or a bail requirement etc so comparing your situation to that and suggesting it's normal doesn't make sense.

How old is your daughter because you have said 2 and 1

I'm sorry but it's completely insane not to know where your baby is and saying it's ok because she's with her dad doesn't cut it because for a start you can't even trust him to know your address and you actually have no clue she's always with him.

The messages are not the worst thing here just an additional red flag

From working in one previously, a contact centre is generally for abusive situations however we alao had parents who could not get along with one another to the point where they couldn't meet due to how toxic things were between them, so they used the CC as neutral ground.

My daughter is one. I haven't said she's 2. The only place where I said 2 in regards to her age is when i said "she isn't even 2 yet".

As I've said, I thought I knew where she was going. I thought she was going to our old shared house, he didn't say otherwise and allowed me to think that this was where she was going. The first message, I was a bit unnerved but wrote it off as shitstirring. I certainly didn't believe he'd be buying a house with someone thst he must've been with for what must've been 10/11 months at that point, max bang on one year, as hed generally a savvy man with financial matters (as opoosed to condoms clearly). The second message about the baby is where I did some digging and found out a lot of this to be true. Shes obviously gotten pregnant months into the relationshp and that's why they've decided to move in together etc. I don't care who he moves in with but I do care when it's my daughter that will be exposed to it all. He's not had her to stay since this last message as my subsequent digging and discovery of all of this following the message was only a few days ago.

OP posts:

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 25/02/2024 09:21

BaaBaaBlackSheepOfTheFam · 24/02/2024 18:38

Definitely not his mum, her and I had a really good relationship and she doesn't have a social media presence herself, uses an old Nokia phone ie no smart phone etc. Definitely not her. He doesn't have a sister or any close or semi close female relatives.

Show quote history

I would say it's either the new gf, or her mum/sister.

Screenshot the messages. He'll have no idea they've been sent. However, he's obviously telling someone that you're still chasing him/causing problems etc, or he's been saying he's having to go to yours because you're being problematic (to hide the fact he's having an affair or something)

Honestly, he'll shit himself when he sees them because he'll realise he's started a game that's got out of control and this is the first step of it coming back to bite him in the ass.

dottiedodah · 25/02/2024 09:13

Probably he new woman I would think. Maybe see what the police say ,I dont know if they would get involved though

OooohAhhhh · 25/02/2024 08:57

It's the new woman, I knew that straight away from the context of the messages.
I'd just send screenshots to him, so he can see he for what she really is, she definitely wouldn't be expecting that 😄
I'd love to message her back to say to grow some balls, but maybe ignorance is bliss. She willl know you think it's her from the screenshots you send to him, suspecting it's her anyway.

TroysMammy · 25/02/2024 08:53

I'd just reply "I don't care".

Beautiful3 · 25/02/2024 08:50

Do you think that he's cheating on her, and she wrongly thinks it's you? He could be using you as an excuse for being late home/popping out etc.

Beautiful3 · 25/02/2024 08:48

It's obviously the new woman. She wants to cut you and your child out of their life. I'd send screen shots to your ex, and ask if he knows who sent these? If your child is unsettled when she returns home, I'd tell him to go back to one night.

Pompom2367 · 25/02/2024 08:21

Op this situation is horrible I'm sorry

Ariona · 25/02/2024 08:12

Nicole1111 · 25/02/2024 07:33

Message him and say
“Just to let you know I’ve been getting messages saying I need to move on from
you and disappear. They’ve also shared personal details about your life that you’ve chosen not to share with me. I’m confused as to the purpose of the messages because I have moved on. As the only remaining link to us is our child I wonder if the comment about disappearing is them hoping I’ll stop your contact, which I wouldn’t want to do. I have no idea who they’re from but I’m obviously concerned that someone in your life who may have access to our child is sending them and what that means for our daughter. If the messages continue I’ll have to ask the police to trace the ip address they originate from so that they can find the home address the ip address originated from.”
Then turn your Facebook back on so you can check if further messages come through.

I'd do this.