Anonymous FB messages

I don’t think they are wild assertions. I think you should read all your posts back and imagine it was a stranger writing them. For one your ex might not be physically abusive but he sure is an emotional/mental abuser, cheating and lying and playing weird games does lasting damage to a person, giving them low self esteem and trust issues.

Being that your previous job was in a safeguarding field, I’m sure you’re familiar with the statistics of a child being in danger from a parents new partner (even women) I mean it’s a common heartbreaking news story.

All that you have described on here isn’t normal behaviour, it’s even more alarming that it’s coming from middle aged adults.

For a start your ex partner doesn’t sound like a decent man. God knows who he’s living with, I would be sick with worry. Young children can’t explain what’s happening to them or advocate for themselves, this would definitely be a safeguarding issue for me.

turn off messages in fb so that nobody apart from your friends can message you x

But a contact centre is 100% different. The child/ren aren’t taken anywhere and addresses of parents are known.
How do you know your ex isn’t leaving your dd with his new partner while he goes out? You know nothing about the woman who is maybe feeding, bathing, dressing, talking to your child. she might be suffering from PND, maybe struggling to cope with her own baby and resents another very small child being there.
You really need to know more about where your dd goes and who she is with.

Op well done for managing this really tricky situation. It sounds like a nightmare.

I think a lot of posters here are clueless about the system and maybe imagine Father's have no rights.

You think the op should police where her daughter's Dad goes and who with?

And how do you suggest she does this?

Could he be having an affair and using you as an excuse to get out of the house?

Or has he saved someone else's number under your name, so when he's texting other woman, your name comes up, and now she's getting suspicious?

Personally, I would be tempted to write back and be polite etc, just ask what they mean and who they are talking about. You'll have your answer pretty sharpish.

My db split acrimoniously from his wife and they had a four year old son. He had remarried quickly to a woman with two teenagers so no stranger to children herself. This woman and her teenage daughter treated my nephew terribly (he told us shocking things as he got older). Second wife did all the things like refuse to let first wife know their new address, sent her nasty messages etc First wife rightly refused to let her ds go somewhere she didn't know the address for, so they had to tell her in the end. Second wife was extremely jealous of my db's relationship with his son (again, we are talking people in their 40's who should have known better). Second marriage didn't last long, thank goodness, for my nephew's sake. I would log a complaint with the police and I would go to court to arrange official maintenance and contact and get CAFCAS? involved if you are worried about the welfare of your daughter, they represent the interests of the child. Someone close to your ex is threatening you and I'm guessing it's his new woman, I certainly wouldn't be letting my child go into such an unknown situation.

This.

.

You only found out a few days ago, so before that you admit you had no idea where she was staying and who your ex was spending time with. You say he hid it from you, you as the child's mother have a responsibility to her to make it your business, to know where she is and whose company.

Sorry to hear you're going through this.

My prediction it the other woman and she was on the scene when you split it before. She knows she can't trust him and is worried that he will go back to you.

Professional job or not she can still be mean to your daughter. Keep an eye on this. She is jealous of your daughter and that you still have contact with him even if it's only the occasional text.

Speak to him and show him the messages. Hopefully he will tell her and she stops contacting you. Looks like she doesn't have access to his phone or she would have snooped and seen you are not seeing each other.

I would feel unsettled by these messages too.

Also, if he picks your daughter up from nursery and keeps her overnight, wouldn't you want to know his home set up so that you know who is around your child?
He literally has another child (a half sibling to your child) and you didn't know.

If it was my daughter, I would want to know who else lived in the place where she was staying

Benicebenicebenice Stop blaming OP for her ex's behaviour. He has parental responsibility.

BaaBaaBlackSheepOfTheFam I think I would show the messages to your ex and express concern. Unless you think there is any possibility he is using stories about you to make her jealous?

What do you expect OP to do?

If she refuses contact and goes to court the ex partner will be awarded contact, a lot of what you have typed is 'what if' nonsense that nobody knows.

My mind is blown. You are not safeguarding your daughter. You have no idea who she is spending time with and where. Is he leaving her alone with others? Does the new woman have a peado brother/father/nephew....is she a frigging peado herself? Is she sending the messages? Does she resent your baby? Is she being cruel on the sly? Is she neglectful of your baby's emotional well being? This is insane!!

Yeah, I see your point. If the woman is decent, and cares about her granddaughter then it's a shame she's not a better ally.

He doesn’t want to risk bringing drama in? Is that a joke? He’s got two babies under two with two different women! First woman doesn’t know the second woman and second baby existed until an anonymous message a few days ago! First woman has no idea where any of these people live. I’d say he FUCKING LOVES drama wouldn’t you?

This, for me too.

Logic suggests it is his new partner and that she resents ex’s periods of contact with OP’s child, or having the child in her home. From a safeguarding perspective, this sets off alarm bells. I would not allow him to take our child unless he can confirm that new partner is treating my child well and that she is not at risk there.

I would now change privacy settings on FB too.