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Original poster

Honeymoon fund

80 replies

Silvesterthecat · 23/02/2024 20:32

Please can I ask what you all think is an appropriate amount as a wedding present where the couple have asked for a donation to a honeymoon fund?

Partner and I invited all day and evening, lovely country house style wedding, very close friends with the bride, mid 40’s and affluent enough although not a lot spare each month and the couple saved hard for a special day

i was thinking £100, does this sound enough?

OP posts:
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fleurneige · 25/02/2024 20:18

SameSameButDeliverance · 23/02/2024 23:11

I too hate the concept of asking for money and ‘covering your plate’ (especially the idea posed above that once should up the amount of it’s a lavish affair). I also hate the idea of paying towards a ‘honeymoon fund’. Book the holiday you can afford!

Nothing is compulsory. If I am invited to a great friend's or relative's wedding- I will not pay because I feel I have to cover our cost- but because it pleases me to feel they are not our of pocket for inviting me, and happy that there is a bit extra towards something they dream of. And why not?

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 24/02/2024 19:08

LouisCatorze · 24/02/2024 16:43

If you can only afford to gift £10, I'd be surprised that you'd accept an invitation to a wedding in the first place.

Why not?
You don't have to buy a new or expensive outfit, drink loads, you may not even have to travel far

Or after buying a new outfit, paying for accommodation and putting aside a fund for drinks you can only then afford an extra £10 but you want to go to support and celebrate with someone special to you

Lizzieregina · 24/02/2024 17:32

For an American wedding we’d give $200, for an Irish wedding €200.

My only English wedding was my niece and I couldn’t attend, so I sent £150.

Ultimately you should only give what you’re comfortable with.

TimetoPour · 24/02/2024 17:28

£100 is more than acceptable. It’s what you can afford and seems generous enough to me.

I’d be really upset if my best friend over stretched their budget over a gift and I’m sure your best friend wouldn’t want you to either.

TrtseHkpr · 24/02/2024 17:16

I think £100 is about right, provided it's affordable for you both.

Parker231 · 24/02/2024 17:13

LouisCatorze · 24/02/2024 16:43

If you can only afford to gift £10, I'd be surprised that you'd accept an invitation to a wedding in the first place.

So people without much money shouldn’t go to their friends and relatives weddings?

I didn’t care if anyone gave us a wedding present - we invited them to come and celebrate with us, not to bring a present or cash.

LookItsMeAgain · 24/02/2024 17:13

Silvesterthecat · 23/02/2024 20:58

Thank you. I was thinking that it’s cost a lot for the couple to host us, so in don’t want to appear cheap or ungrateful. I was thinking £200 would be nice on that reckoning but I honestly can’t afford that. She’s one of my best friends and the wedding means a lot to us all

Split the difference and go £150 (so £75 a head)

Mosaic123 · 24/02/2024 17:11

I would think a honeymoon fund is not really what they want.

What they mean is don't just give us random gifts. Please give us money only.

Calling it a honeymoon fund is a polite way of saying the above.

Many couples would already have things like crockery and toasters (traditional wedding gifts) as they often live together already.

merryhouse · 24/02/2024 17:03

Listen, if you want a £20k wedding then you save up £20k. If you can't afford to shell out £20k then you have a cheaper wedding.

Basically, you're hosting a party.

LouisCatorze · 24/02/2024 16:43

If you can only afford to gift £10, I'd be surprised that you'd accept an invitation to a wedding in the first place.

Parker231 · 24/02/2024 16:28

Amba1998 · 23/02/2024 21:17

£100 is the basic etiquette for a couple
all day

£50 for evening guests

Why? What happens if a guest can only afford £10 - should they decline the invitation?

Parker231 · 24/02/2024 16:26

CeaselesslyIntoThePast · 24/02/2024 13:20

I didn't realise wedding gifts were recompense for being a guest at someone's wedding.
You might as well sell tickets and charge people to attend !

Show quote history

I agree - you’re not gifting what it costs to host you. It’s irrelevant if it’s a quick registry office wedding with a meal at a pub or an all day event at a stately home.
You are being invited as a guest as your relationship with the bride and groom means something to them.
There is no rule as to the amount you should gift - personally I hate requests for money. If they need to ask for money to cover their honeymoon expenses, they should rethink where to go to.

newyearnewnothing · 24/02/2024 16:18

Stick £50 in a card.
It's enough for a bottle of wine on their honeymoon.

Stupidliefromfriend · 24/02/2024 15:58

I would give 200 absolute minimum but I'm in Ireland and it's different here.

LouisCatorze · 24/02/2024 15:39

£50 would have been an average type of present cost twenty plus years ago, so would think £100 at the very least but possibly more, depending on how close you are to the bride and groom.

Upsidedowncat · 24/02/2024 15:31

namechanged221 · 23/02/2024 22:59

How dreadful to ask for cash?

You might think so but that's what the majority of people do now. Every single wedding I've been invited to, they've asked for money.

I've never minded. What I do mind is not getting a thank you. Last 2 weddings we've been to we haven't recieved one.

Upsidedowncat · 24/02/2024 15:25

I wouldn't go any higher than £100. That seems the right amount for someone close.

telestrations · 24/02/2024 15:24

CeaselesslyIntoThePast · 24/02/2024 13:20

I didn't realise wedding gifts were recompense for being a guest at someone's wedding.
You might as well sell tickets and charge people to attend !

Show quote history

It is in most cultures

The idea is that everyone chips into everyone else's wedding and then when their time comes (or their children or grandchildren) everyone chips into theirs

AndromacheAstyanax · 24/02/2024 15:23

I’m a chopping board person. I value the wedding gifts which were given for our first home, and which we still have. I have no idea what they cost - that wasn’t the point. At least a chopping board doesn’t have a price tag on it.

dhxxx · 24/02/2024 15:03

I absolutely hate this idea of covering costs for a wedding and the couple making a profit. And I would hate if anyone who's invited me to a wedding is calling us stingy because we didn't pay enough to cover the day. I think £50 is fine for a wedding tbh, £100 is more than fine - weddings already a great expense for guests (outfits, hotels, drinks) without having to pay for the actual wedding too!!

Alloveragain3 · 24/02/2024 14:40

I always want to cover the cost of my meal and then give a bit extra.
This would usually mean £200 if both me and DH invited.

It's obviously a gift though, and I wouldn't give this if we couldn't afford it.

As an aside, I find it really depends where you come from.

When we got married 10 years ago, the Irish guests gave much more than the English guests; many of whom gave £10 or £20.
We didn't care. You don't get married to make money!

DoubleBingo · 24/02/2024 14:34

Wow you guys are generous! Limit I spend on wedding present is about £40-50 so that's the cash i would give if doing cash instead. It costs a lot to attend weddings.

pokebowls · 24/02/2024 13:54

SameSameButDeliverance · 23/02/2024 23:11

I too hate the concept of asking for money and ‘covering your plate’ (especially the idea posed above that once should up the amount of it’s a lavish affair). I also hate the idea of paying towards a ‘honeymoon fund’. Book the holiday you can afford!

Do you hate the idea of a gift list too? Because that's all this is. The gift they want is the honeymoon.

pokebowls · 24/02/2024 13:52

namechanged221 · 23/02/2024 22:59

How dreadful to ask for cash?

It's no different to having a gift list. The couple want their honeymoon as their gift.

aintnospringchicken · 24/02/2024 13:39

DH and I are going to a wedding in a few weeks time,all day invite. The groom's parents two of our closest friends. We gave £100 towards the honeymoon fund.

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