Decision time-final embryo

I haven't been in this situation, but I think I'd go for it in your shoes. You'll always wonder otherwise. I get what you're saying about age, but plenty of people die before their time and leave their kids, it's not a given that you'll die whilst they're young. Good luck with whatever you decide.

I'd have to give it a chance, I couldn't donate personally, but I'm a real softie and wouldn't be able to stop myself imagining a sibling to my other children growing up elsewhere. I know quite a few older parents. One of my son's friends at school had a 70+ year old dad, men can do it! He's still alive in his 90s. I know a woman who had a baby at 52 naturally. Some parents sadly die young when their children are small. I'm mid 60s and could easily cope with an 18 Yr old (got two older sons living with me now who act like it sometimes 😂) but only you can make the decision with what you can live with💐

I have a couple of embryos left. I’m still technically young enough to use them (in the sense of, if I used them now and had a success they would be an adult before I hit 56) but I’m pretty certain DH and I are one and done. We hit the jackpot with DD and for many reasons I don’t want to go through all of that again. This means we’ll have to make a difficult choice about our embryos in a few years. I think I could warm to the idea of giving them to another woman/ couple but I don’t think DH ever would so it will be donate to medical science (probably my preference) or just stop freezing them and they will perish. It’s sad because so so much went into getting those embryos but I will get over the sadness. Only you know if you would get over the sadness of not using your Frostie.

Really tough decision OP but I would go for it. My mum's friend had an unexpected baby at 49 and she is a fabulous mum.
All the best to you.

How else do we train new embryologists though? Some of them need to be donated to help that.

I'm 44 and I wouldn't want to have a baby at 46. I have enough energy etc now but realistically my health is only going downhill and you'd need lots of energy and good health to see you through your 50s and 60s.

I wouldn't want to donate it to another couple either. I would always be anxious about whether they'd be treated well or truly happy. You just don't know what the parents would be like.

I wouldn't like to donate it to science, I wouldn't like the thought of them putting it through procedures or running experiments on it.

I think I'd rather have the embryo destroyed as it would draw a line under it all.

It's probably not ideal to have a baby at 46 but women do it! I remember my obstetrician telling me he'd delivered the baby of a 46 year old woman whose first child was in her 20s! I was 40 when I had my youngest.

I'm fortunate that, although I had fertility issues, and we struggled for years to conceive, I didn't need IVF in the end.

I don't think I could give up on that frozen embryo... I'd have to try, but with realistic expectations.

Maybe the embryos aren’t in the uk. Mine weren’t and we were presented with the 3 options, also after 5 years.

I’m glad yours was successful, as was mine on implantation no 3. I really wanted more children but my first pregnancy was too hard on my body to be able to withstand a second. It would have broken my heart to know there was possibly a child that I desperately wanted living with another family. I contemplated adoption but my health wasn’t good enough for that either so dd is an only child.

Personally I would donate it to science. It’s the same as having it destroyed but first it gets to be useful to a cause close to your heart, infertility.

I can understand not wanting to give it to another couple, I would find that hard

I think the 'leaving them too soon' worry is a bit of a red herring tbh. For two reasons:

1. you were happy with that 'risk ' with being say 2 years younger than you are now. Yes, statistically you will die when they are 2 years younger than if you did it then, but that's just based on averages and it's a pretty small number tbh.

2. having a sibling, so you've got more family, and someone to support you when the inevitable happens is doing to be really helpful.

What I would suggest though is that if you have any other having, especially ones with kids, that you try to stay very close to them, so that if you both were to become ill or did when they still needed support, the family support is there.

I am 52 now with a 9yo.. I had dc in my teen's, 20's, 30's and 40's.. Pros and cons of all stages of my life and having dc . And I could have been hit by a bus at any age!!

I think I’d have to go for it. Leave it to fate to see what happens. I just couldn’t be left wondering “what if”

Are those the only two options?

Our clinic would have let us do a natural transfer so no meds and at a time in my cycle that I wouldn't get pregnant. We didn't need that option because we didn't have any spare embryos but I thought it was a good option.

Is it because you feel tired and unfit? You’re only 46, so you can definitely get fitter and healthier.

Is because you think you’ll be too old when they are an adult? in my friendship group three have lost both parents (not through age) and are only in their 40s, one has lost one.

Is it affordability and quality of life for you and your current child? That I probably would struggle with.

I personally think 46 is too old

Is there a reason why you waited so long - 5 years since you had your first?

You can't just donate your embryo to another couple that's not how it works in the U.K. I don't think - the options are donate to science or destroy them - there isn't a box on the forms I have to donate. Not that I would anyway as I think it's morally wrong to give away effectively a full sibling to your existing child

I don't think you are too old.

I have a friend who had another baby at 47 (IVF - two embryos were put in) followed by a surprise success with their last embryo (not great quality one) at 48. Friend has no regrets.

I do not judge anyone's decisions. It is deeply personal. There is no right or wrong. Personally I couldn't donate as I'd never cope with thinking maybe a child of mine is out there/a sibling of dc's was out there - for others that isn't an issue and many families are made through these generous people. I also couldn't donate to science - but I so deeply appreciate those that do. If it were me I'd try again - if it works it works, if it doesn't it doesn't. It's one final embryo. I really don't think you are too old if it is only that that is holding you back...

My last arrived when I was over 40 - I love it. It has been so lovely to see my older children be absolutely besotted with a baby in the house. A very unexpected and wonderful addition.

It has nothing to do with the debate around when does life begin.

Unless you’ve been through having your body go through the egg collection process, sat waiting to find out how many of your precious eggs were able to harvested, how many fertilized, made it to day 3 and then made it to blast - you can’t have any idea how much that impacts your view.

For me they’re potential children, children I spent years yearning for, saving up for and yes spent £30k getting in the freezer, so it’s not just easy to let them go.

If it was me I'd give it a try for a successful pregnancy and whatever happens is meant to be. I would always wonder what could have been otherwise. I don't think you're too old to be a mum to a baby. I don't think there's any wrong answer either whether you decide to implant, donate or destroy the embryo that's all ok.