Spending downsizing cash

If I was her I'd blow the lot and enjoy myself!!!!

This. Let her enjoy her life now and cross that bridge when it comes to it. MIL is in a nursing home in her late 60s, could be in for another 30 years. No one has enough money for that!! It’s not a luxury retirement home but it meets her needs (although yes is very depressing).

Let her enjoy her money. After my Dad died my Mum became horribly mean with money. She had no reason to be like this and had savings and a large pension. Ten years on she is now having to pay for care and all the money she and Dad had worked so hard for was never enjoyed by them.

I agree that it is unfair but with all due respect, there is a bigger problem in that we cant expect government and councils to fund proper care for an aging population and give proper SEN and vulnerable adult care and everything else without higher taxes. Someone has to pay for it. FWIW I'd be happier to pay higher taxes because everyone deserve dignity and support to live a quality life. But there is a disconnect because care isnt free.

The difference is that I would have insisted on paying for my daughter. She is doing something she wouldn't have chosen, much less spent 3x more on than normal to make sure I'm comfortable and is likely still at a point where her outgoings are at their peak in life and as a parent your instinct is to look after your kids. I cant imagine being willing to let my daughter front up for that when I have the money to pay for it. Even less so if I felt her dad had restricted how I could spoil her when she was younger.

I'm glad OP has found some peace on this thread x

My granddad spent years in a care home spent every last penny on care the person next to him paid nothing it was funded

if you haven’t got the money the state pick up the bill
there is no advantage to having money
tell her to spend it

She might have even wanted to go alone but DD asked to join her.

She might have offered to pay for OP. We don’t know, do we?

@BIossomtoes no, I cant imagine treating myself to an expensive holiday and asking my daughter to come with me and asking her to fund it herself when its 3x what she would normally spend and has lost lost her dad while I'm sat on £150k. Would you?

What a gappy and exciting year for her! I would leave her to enjoy it.

Almost everyone in my family died before even retirement age, only ONE family member (the very oldest living one) ever saw a care home. I also lost a healthy friend suddenly a few months younger than me last year... I'll spend my money while I'm alive and enjoying it.

I make zero plan to not enjoy life so I can be spend my entire life savings rotting in a care home (which likely will never happen because it would be a MIRACLE if I live that long).

I'm planning a complete flat refurbishment - new windows, new carpets, redecoration, the lot. I'm budgeting £ 40k. And that doesn't include the kitchen. And if OP's DM really splashed out on a holiday - top end cruise to Antartica, say - she could easily spend £ 10K.

spent 55k on decorating - not refurbishment, decorating!

New kitchen and bathroom is refurbishment. I can’t believe the horror at someone spending their own money on things that give them pleasure. Christ only knows what nasty judgemental comments you’d make if you could see my spending.

Even if OP is worried about her inheritance, 75k is crazy for decorating a flat and a holiday. Even 20k on a holiday for one means her mum has spent 55k on decorating - not refurbishment, decorating!

Its taboo to talk about inheritance but come on, I cannot even imagine not wanting to spend some of that on helping my child out, paying for a family holiday together, a chunk of mortgage payments, a bit of childcare, moving costs, an extension, days out as a family. Anything really that would be an investment in my child would feel better to me than spending it all on myself with the nicest things money can buy.

There was never any question about us looking after her …. my fathers parents lived with them and my mum said it nearby cost them their marriage and said she’d never want that for us.

You can see a financial adviser and transfer her property into a trust which will ring fence half of it. That means if she goes into care, only half of its value can be taken. We have just done this. It is legal and not classed as dissipation of assets, as it would should she transfer the whole house, given her age.

No pockets in a shroud.

My mum had to go into a care home and she paid for it from the sale of her house. She paid for approx two years and then the council paid for the following five years before she died. They never asked me or my brother to contribute. She also stayed where she was, no pressure to move somewhere cheaper.

I will ensure I have enough money to be able to choose a decent place and pay for a while but there’s no point going without and hanging on to a load of money.

Your mum should enjoy herself whilst she’s able to.

My Mum did the same, she had lovely time. She only had 5 years of life after my Dad, before she passed away. She blew a lot! His pension, the downsizing house money, lots of holidays to places my Dad would never have gone.

At the time I was worried like yourself, but in retrospect it wasn't anything to do with me and she had a brilliant time.

Enjoy life while you can!

You'll get people saying it's her money, cant take it with you etc but sometimes this sort of thing is upsetting because it forces you to see things in a new light. Perhaps your dad was never the baddie you/your mum had him pegged as but someone that had to take control of finances because she was always spendy? Now you're getting to peer over her disapprovingly and it doesnt feel very nice.

Either way, its not a responsible or healthy way to spend money.

Perhaps she thinks of she spends it she can use taxpayers money for care and that that care will be of the standard she expects. The reality is that a bit of private home health may allow her to spend years longer in the comfort of her own home, support the purchase of a mobility scooter, just generally make life comfortable. Cleaner, carer, home help, DIY.

If she had a plan, X for holidays, Y for decorating etc but as it is, she is spending what she and your dad worked hard for at an unsustainable rate. Almost like a shopping/spending addiction. You'll get people saying she can spend it as she likes but if she was spending his fast on takeaways, bingo, her friends, on clothes, people would be on the same page.

Are you worried as well that she is assuming you'll fill the role of home help, shopping, cleaning, caring etc?

Both my parents dropped dead so it still happens

Ha ha ha, a spare £200k😂😂🤣