Spending downsizing cash

@CueilleLeJour my mum is 84yo and she is in a similar situation. I've told her to enjoy her money and spend it.

She spent money on her new flat but hasn't spent money on herself.

I take her away for weekends and to shows. I know she won't be here for decades, so I just make the most of it when I see her.

Honestly I'd worry less about her finances and more about her happiness. She's not daft she knows she's blowing through the money - might she regret it? Yes, but then it sounds like she has enough to live on, without the capital, so all's good!

I would say let her enjoy it... For one she has bought a home upgraded it so it should value more now... That's a good thing... And just think would your mum think about the amazing holiday she had or how much it cost?? I think she would remember the holiday .. if she lived her life not be ing able to spend and then had free access.. your going to go on a spree... Xx

Having worked in care let her go on a year long cruise and live the life of luxury! She will get her care funded if she is broke!

I'm a homecare worker so do it for a living... I lived around the corner and was taking them both hot meals everyday and I was in hospital myself having shoulder surgery and I had been home from hospital 1 hour when I got the call to say she had died

You said it yourself, it's none of your business.

So the whole of her married life she had your dad looking over her shoulder and now you are doing the same? Come on OP, let her enjoy spending for a change. Glad she went on an expensive holiday, it’s not much fun living with a mean man.

Let her spend it. If she needs a care home later if she has no money and her house is part of a living trust( with her children as beneficiaries) then it’s on us(taxpayer). If she has cash and simply owns the flat then it’s on her and her children.

The NHS don't pay for social care, only medical care via Continuing Healthcare (CHC) it is quite possible to be turned down for CHC funding as the bar is set high, your friend should get her dad assessed by the Local Authority for social care.

The main difference between what the state provides and paying yourself, is that if the state are paying, they get to decide when they deem you need care, and how much - whereas if you have a pot of cash of your own and are struggling at home you can decide to go in when you want.

The state will try and keep people in their own home where possible, with up to 4 visits a day, they will only pay for a residential place if they feel homecare is unsafe or not enough.

NHS CHC only funds for medical needs, normally chronic and terminal conditions, they don't fund dementia care save for the final "active dying" stage. So just because your friends dad is denied CHC, doesn't mean the LA won't provide, they may well.

Funding for elderly people whose life times of low paid jobs make it impossible for them to save is all our responsibility as members of a civilised society. I’m perfectly happy to fund people less fortunate than me from my Band F council tax.

If you have ever worked in either the NHS or local / central government you will know they are experts at pissing our money up against the wall.
If they got their financial houses in order there would be more than enough to provide better salaries for medical and care staff and better care.
But no one will fix it, because too many people are doing very nicely out of it.

Funding care for the elderly is only an insignificant detail for entitled freeloaders. Where do you think the money the state spends on supporting the elderly comes from? I wouldn't worry about grown up stuff whilst you are toilet training. The Pampers (other brands are available) are that way 👉

Sounds like the last thing she needs is to have you tell her how to spend her cash after a lifetime of not being allowed to do what she wanted with it. You could perhaps suggest she speaks to a financial adviser about where to best place what she’s got but aside from that I’d leave her at it.

I completely get this. Not 100% same but grew up in a BAD way. Mum had addiction issues which is where all our money went. Dad left when we were 4- 5 years old. We never had anything and growing up I managed to break the cycle. Mum got clean when children where born and we ended up moving her as house was in poor state! She downside round the corner from us and was left with a nice savings pot. Retired and had private pensions. We moved and she did too once again to be close for grandchildren. Our worry is the same. She is careless now but once again it’s the addictive streak within. What we have learnt is that any care that may be needed in the future ALL assets get a block on by care homes bank. So property and credit/debit cards. However long a person is in care (who has financial assets) it’s not deducted until the person has passed. So with my mum of care is needed, the care home “block all assets” and if she stays there however long they Talley up how much is owed and then once accounts have been deducted the property is marketed and fees are paid then any profit is paid to care home. Anything left is substituted I believe by social care. I wouldn’t worry as if the property has been redone as in kitchen bathroom ect. These will not need to be re-done for years/years so now after the holiday you may notice a decline in spending. May be worth while she has savings to ensure a funeral plan is in place and paid for so there won’t be any out of pocket expenses if everything does go.

Pedants’ corner’s that way 👉🏻

The local authority don't pay. We all pay.

My mum had Dementia, so trust me, I know first hand the difficulties involved.
It was hard trust me, but i made it work because that's what we do.
Both my Mum & Dad's passing and my lovely Mil and Fil's were dreadful ways to die in the end but I'm glad I was there for them.
If they'd have needed residential care, I would've found a way for that too.
All I'm saying is let her enjoy what is hers to spend, no-one has a right to judge what she is spending.

My ex husband's mother was like that, she never had much money for what she wanted. The last few years of her life she was a widow and had her first foreign holidays, bought nice things for her home. Good luck to her I say.

After lovely memories of nice holidays and a lovely home, nice memories, I could cope better if put in a care home. She'll have memories to sustain her.

YABU... It's her money, she's scrimped and had to be cautious for all those years so good for her!
My mum passed away at 86 and it was only the last few years of her life that she started spending too, she had also never had much spare cash so when she finally did, I persuaded her to spend it!!
Yes, she needed care in the last few years, but I gave her that 'challenging' care as you describe it gladly.
Instead of watching her finances, make the most of seeing her enjoy herself, and IF the time comes where she needs your care, give it.

If your mum doesn't spend it … a care home will. Let her enjoy the money :-)

I think if she was mid 70s I’d be more concerned she’d run out of funds. At late 80s you are on borrowed time and I think it’s fantastic she’s making the most of that money having holidays and making her home as comfortable as she can. I suspect she’ll slow down now that she has her flat as she likes. She still has the property to sell should she need a care home.

My mother is in her eighties, has a fair bit less than this woman’s £70k in savings & always encouraging her to go on holiday. £70k is a drop in the ocean when it comes to care home fees -about 18months of fees. Life is for living as long as you can and at 87, there’s not likely to be a lot of active life left. If she ends up as one of minority of people who needs residential care in the future, she can sell her refurbished flat to fund it. Plus she has a comfortable pension. Children can never be forced to pay for their parents’ care.

Indeed. A classic case of not RTFT.