Spending downsizing cash

@Catza Depends on how you look at it. Most people don't even realise how bad they parents/grandparents are. It also depends how much you care about they every day life.

Until my husband's dad moved in with us, I thought he was more than capable of living alone. Wow, I was wrong! He didn't take or took his pills too often or not at all, constantly skipped meals and showers, wore the same clothes for weeks.
Yes, you can leave them be - but it doesn't mean they don't need care or they won't be better with care.

I didn’t vote because I think both are true really. Yes, it’s not financially responsible, but on the other hand who cares! I expect your mum is well aware that she has no idea how much longer she has.

Anyway, apart from the expensive holiday, that all seems like practical stuff, even if it’s on the luxurious side of practical.

If she needs care, and it all gets expensive and difficult, she may regret spending it. But if she’s gone in a year, you’ll be glad she enjoyed it. Unfortunately none of us can predict the future.

99% is quite some statistic.
I can't say it tallies up with my personal experience. One elderly family member needed care after a stroke in their 70s. This was shared among family members, albeit it's not an ideal situation.
Their spouse lived alone, fully independent before quietly dying in his sleep.
Grandfather admitted to hospital after surgical complications and passed away within a week. Fully independent and actually in FT employment up until the surgery.
Elderly aunt needed support of her husband in the last 6 months with shopping and cooking. Was housebound but relatively independent otherwise. 6 months after her passing, the husband took a fall outside the house and broke his neck. Gone within three days at a hospital.
When I worked as a carer, the vast majority of my elderly clients needed a visit to warm up some soup, check medication and have a chat. Something that in many cultures would not require involvement of a professional. I would say that over half of my clients were much younger and needed care due to TBI, MND, complications of AIDS and early-onset dementia. Based on this nobody should be spending any money as all of us might need care at any age.

My parents went on loads of trips when they downsized. I'm really pleased they did as they worked hard all their lives and made so many sacrifices for us.

When Mother was diagnosed with cancer in 2015, I asked if there was anything she wanted to do and she told me that she had now done all the things she wanted to. She died five months later. Let your mother enjoy herself while she can.

@midgetastic Not everyone gets council funding. Especially if you have a higher pension.

@BestHolidayDeals if you would have to worry about spending your hard earned money-which will effect your family- on care for an elderly, you won't think this way.

Katherina18...

Ref
"I can tell that you have never had to deal..."

Really ? You assume far too much !

Do you want to swap my life, for your life ?

I am fully aware of how some elderly people live
Some survive & do not really live

My thoughts stand, spend it while she can enjoy it !

I suspect your percentages are well off- thinking in my family - hum -

one moved to a sheltered home ( council funded and then I think care home for last couple of months - also council funded
One needed nurses coming in at end of life but died at home
Losing count of how many died in hospital after short illness -5 or 6

That's none needing "care" or anyone else to pay for them

And if they are , so what , she spent her money ? More people never had it in the first place

There are maybe 1% of people who live long and can be left living alone.

99% of the elderly needs care- maybe not 24/7 and not by professionals, but they do.

I can tell you never had to deal with an older person who needed care- it is a full time job and often it can't be done without a professional.
And let's not go into the finances- expecting your children to cover the cost of your care is selfish.

My mother did the same after my father died. Her house and garden are lovely now. Before, the garden was overgrown and the house stuck in 1979.

I don't think people realise that with modern medicine you can leave for a very long time- it's not necessary means it will be quality time.

Care home isn't just a place where old people goes to die.
My husband dad is leaving with us (severe dementia) but he would be so much better off in a care home. We have full time jobs and 2 kids, bearly have time to look after him. His mentally and physically declining becouse of this.
In a care home, he could be surrounded by other, be social, have lunch and dinner with others and activities.
He has enough pension for a care home (£5000 a month, which is incredible!) so thankfully we don't have to worry about the time when it gets really bad.

But unfortunately a lot of older people don't realise that family not necessarily will be able to take care of them (both time and financially) and they won't be able to live alone.
Children won't and can't leave them to die alone in their own home- so the other option is a care home. If they don't have enough money to cover it, it will fall on the children, which is unfair and most of the time impossible.

I understand your worry- unfortunately, like many old people she is in denial about her future, so you propably won't be able to do anything about it.

It is your DMs money

She could eat out every day
Go on a round the world cruise, on multiple holidays
Donate to charity
Enjoy life while she is still able !

Who wants to think about spending on carers, care homes ?

Nobody knows how long we have to live
Your DM could live to 105 be gone much quicker

I would be voting for her to enjoy her money. What she must not do is deliberately deprive herself of funds by giving chunks away or putting the flat in trust as if she does go into care that's not good. Hopefully she will have some fun and die without setting foot in a care home.

I think she's been quite smart with the money.

Most of it has gone to make her flat perfect for her needs and a lovely place to live.

My PIL spent £££ on their home when they retired to make sure it was in great condition and brilliantly maintained in anticipation of not being able to face doing this when they were older.

Realistically though she's spent a lot she's not going to be buying another new kitchen for example so I'd expect her rate of spending to decrease.

Having a nice home is really important as you get older and she's still got money to buy in care if she needs and eventually the LA will step in. They prefer supporting people in their own home (much cheaper) so it's good she's made it a nice place.

Reading this i think your concern comes from the right place. I‘d be inclined to agree with everyone who said „she‘s 87, let her have fun.“ but i just burried a 93 year old aunt who spent her last 3 years in a care home and had almost no cash left, but still a big house that could have been sold. Maybe just talk to your mother and tell her your concerns. She has every right to spend her money if she wants to.

Meanwhile i live in a country where children have to pay for care home fees if they earn more than 50k€ per year(which is not a lot) and my MIL sold her parents house, lives in a modern and spacious rental appartment, goes on vacations and retired early because she calculated(without the recent inflation) she could uphold her lifestyle until she‘s 85. She could have gotten an insurance for care but she didn’t. Similar story but she‘s decades 30 years younger and it might become our problem instead of hers like with your mum.
So maybe don‘t worry too much.

OP your mum’s flat would be sold, this would pay for two years care, then she’d either move to a cheaper one or possibly be allowed to stay there.
She may never go to a care home and be able to stay at home with care visits. I worked as a carer in the community and in a care home and have seen many very ill and frail people live in their own home right up until the end.

In that case - let her spend it! She has lived frugally all her life; and you'll want her to have some happiness.

So is there a certain age when you should stop spending any money, not go on holiday, do up your house or buy a car because you should save it for care.

Just so I know...

Your mum's money wouldn't touch the sides if it came to care needs. She'd need a lot more than she ever had to make any appreciable difference to the quality of care she recieved. If she doesn't spend her money it will only go towards paying for the same level of package she'd recieve for free if she had nothing. Plus only a minority of people need care. They scrimp and save just to end up leaving the money they could have enjoyed to their children. So unless that's what's concerning you, I'd stop worrying and be happy for her. It sounds like she's had a hard life, and she deserves this. Don't fall into the trap of being another source of control in her life.

Only about 15% of people over 85 go into care homes, though reading threads on here you would think it was only 15% that don't

I would spend the money, she will still have the flat anyway

If an 87 year old wants to treat herself to her first expensive holiday then good on her!

Spend it all. At 87 I would want as quick an exit as possible in fact I would be booking my spot at Digitalis if my health even faltered a little bit. My idea of hell on earth living in a nursing home I can see why your DM does not want to consider this. You know your time is limited at this age enjoy it til you cannot anymore.