First date AIBU?

The OP says that the guy have her a bullet pointed list of 3 options to choose from.

It’s that part which me and a few others have said we’d not be v keen on. But horses for courses 🤷🏼‍♀️

I've never really 'dated' as such (all 3 of my relationships happened kind of organically) but if I were I'd love those options! Maybe not the badminton so much as there's less chance to chat. Axe throwing sounds really fun!

As I say I don't really have dating experience but the idea of sitting and having dinner and just talking seems really awkward for me, especially if you're online dating - surely it gets horribly boring just regurgitating the same stuff about your life, job, likes and dislikes, hobbies etc over and over? An activity based date could be fun and break the ice and then you could go on for dinner or drinks if you wanted to feeling like you'd already made a bit of a connection.

If it's not for you though then at least you've found out now!

I would hate this 😂but agree with most that there's nothing wrong with it per se, just indicates that you probably aren't very well matched.

I wondered if I had missed something too..

Fair enough
Did I miss the bit where OP suggested to him what she'd like to do?

They sound fun but too much of a time / cost commitment for a first date. Fine for subsequent dates though.

This.
I would love this. But would hate a meal and all that awkward shite. Others love that.
He is probably less conventional than you neither of which is bad

Yes but you'll hardly be talking when doing the activity so you'll have to do something right after to figure out if you have anything in common. Not to mention it's more expensive than one drink or coffee to figure out if you have any chemistry or it's an instant ick. Also people can confuse the fun/adrenaline of doing the activity itself with connection.

There’s a place near us that has all of those indoors (plus more) and there’s a bar, food etc too. I think his suggestions are fine, it’ll be a laugh and break the ice. Equally if it’s not your bag that’s fine too…just tell him.

Best rule for dating is to not commit a lot of time and effort and money to a first date to someone you've never met.

Drinks or a coffee is perfect first date material because if you don't fancy him or click, there's an easy out and bit hours of some activity you're stuck doing with a person you don't like.

You did the right thing. I feel people who want to do activities with a stranger the first time they meet them are people who are quite naive OR struggle with connection OR just lonely and want something to do more than meet someone.

That's why first round job interviews are a short informal chat not a full on 3 hour assessment centre or interview.

Perfectly normal first date ideas. He’s trying to switch it up from just going for a drink or dinner and it’s quite usual.

Nothing wrong with him showing you who he is as soon as possible. It's more interesting than the generic coffee/pub (which surely everyone on OLD is sick to death of anyway). Those activities are fairly standard, it's OK to be into them and it's OK not to be into them. If they're a total turn-off to you then neither of you have to waste time on each other - result. Personally they're not up my street but I'm not averse to trying something new and if I liked the look of him I'd go for the axe throwing, anything that gets frustration out is a good thing. Archery would be out as I'm too competitive but I'd also be terrible at it, so I'd end up sulking. Never heard of batting cages before and they look boring.

Not sure how much conversation or discussion took place before he suggested them (ie was the ball obviously in his court to make a suggestion, or did he come out with these activities without giving you a chance to make suggestions of your own) but if his vibe was a bit bossy, that's another good thing to know upfront.

Is there any reason why you were sitting back letting him choose instead of making a suggestion yourself?

I'd think he's trying to weed out fat/unhealthy women.

Yup. I prefer to have discursive conversation which goes along the lines of:

“what kind of thing are you into, for first dates?”

“I prefer x/y/z”

”Oh I prefer a/b/c”

”Haha, we seem to be liking different things here!”

”Well shall we compromise and say L?”

”Or how about M/N/O?”

”M sounds a great compromise - see you on Weds at 6pm”

I'm no big fan of 'dating' as in a series of meetings in order get to know a perfect stranger, and agree with PP that a 30min coffee in a public place is plenty for an initial meet up.

Are these suggestions for the very first time you meet each other or have you had an initial 'screening' low key meet up (or might you know each other already as friends or acquaintances ) and are looking to actually have a first date.

That would change things massively for me.

He's making it clear from the start that this is the kind of thing he's into.
Would you feel the same if someone said
Pub
Cinema
Cafe

The person who came up with the idea on the original post was male I believe

I think they are much better ideas for a date than a meal. You get a much better picture of what he's really like.

I think he sounds fun!!! I did axe throwing on a first date. It was a blast.

I wonder why you read a gender element into it? My thoughts weren’t based on male / female dynamics. They were based on my thoughts about reasonable, healthy & effective two-way human interaction.

YANBU Those particular activities all sound shit. I think an activity for 2nd or 3rd date is good. But for the 1st date, it should just be coffee so you can chat a bit and make your excuses early if needed.

It sounds like he's maybe been on so many dates, he's bored to tears. Or has no idea how to date and is intimidated by the prospect of meeting you. Either way, don't bother.

All the choices sound really boring. Like a reality show cringey date activity, and he watched a show and got ideas from that.

How long do people think these activities last. Axe throwing is an hour with 2 people, our closest batting cage is booked for 30 minute sessions , archery is usually an hour session.

Axe throwing
• Archery
• Batting cage

Sounds awful
Not sure what a batting cage is

Go for a drink instead