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Original poster

Being woken "gently"

34 replies

mrsm43s · 21/02/2024 10:51

I'm possibly being unreasonable, but then again, possibly not!

My DH sometimes has to travel further afield for work, and therefore has to leave early. When he does this, he always likes to kiss me goodbye before he goes, even when I'm sleeping. He only leaves about 15 minutes or so before my regular alarm goes off, so I have no problem with being woken earlier and actually I think it's sweet after 20+ years of marriage that he still wants to do this.

However, my issue is that he, trying to be considerate, creeps around getting ready quietly so as not to wake me, and then swoops down to give me a very gentle kiss before leaving which startles me awake. It's really uncomfortable to wake up because I have the sensation of someone swooping down towards me.

I've tried to explain to him that kissing me before he goes is always going to wake me, and I'd rather be woken up by normal noise than by the sensation of someone moving down towards me. I've also explained that I'm fine waking up a bit earlier on the days that he's leaving early. But still he insists on creeping around because he "doesn't want to wake me". I think as a man, he just doesn't understand that a sleeping women is vulnerable and the sensation of someone swooping down towards you while you are sleeping is startling and sets off a physical response. It actually takes me a couple of hours to not feel a bit jittery after being woken like this.

So, am I unreasonable to tell him to not bloody kiss me goodbye in the mornings if I'm not already awake?

OP posts:
littlegrebe · 21/02/2024 13:15

YANBU. DH knows the only acceptable way to wake me is with coffee.

takealettermsjones · 21/02/2024 11:20

Put bells on his sock drawer 😆

PoliteTurtle · 21/02/2024 11:18

mrsm43s · 21/02/2024 10:51

I'm possibly being unreasonable, but then again, possibly not!

My DH sometimes has to travel further afield for work, and therefore has to leave early. When he does this, he always likes to kiss me goodbye before he goes, even when I'm sleeping. He only leaves about 15 minutes or so before my regular alarm goes off, so I have no problem with being woken earlier and actually I think it's sweet after 20+ years of marriage that he still wants to do this.

However, my issue is that he, trying to be considerate, creeps around getting ready quietly so as not to wake me, and then swoops down to give me a very gentle kiss before leaving which startles me awake. It's really uncomfortable to wake up because I have the sensation of someone swooping down towards me.

I've tried to explain to him that kissing me before he goes is always going to wake me, and I'd rather be woken up by normal noise than by the sensation of someone moving down towards me. I've also explained that I'm fine waking up a bit earlier on the days that he's leaving early. But still he insists on creeping around because he "doesn't want to wake me". I think as a man, he just doesn't understand that a sleeping women is vulnerable and the sensation of someone swooping down towards you while you are sleeping is startling and sets off a physical response. It actually takes me a couple of hours to not feel a bit jittery after being woken like this.

So, am I unreasonable to tell him to not bloody kiss me goodbye in the mornings if I'm not already awake?

YANBU op, my DH does this too… it’s hard to be mad at him but also WTf!

Octavia64 · 21/02/2024 11:17

Hmm.

I have possibly slightly more of a vulnerable woman reflex and I'd probably hit anyone trying to do that - I don't like people in my personal space generally and anyone unexpected in my space risks a reflex defence.

Yes I did grow up in a very bad environment.

I'd try to explain to him that you find it scary, and would rather he didn't? It's the kind of thing my ExH would only try once to be honest.

Rosestulips · 21/02/2024 11:16

I have a similar issue. I always have to get up before my partner so hardly ever get a lie in by myself. On the rare occasions I do he thinks I want to be awoken by his hands all over my body and I hate it

Why can’t I be left to lay in peace rararrrgh

He does stop if I say no but I’m already awake by then!!!

Mumoftwo1312 · 21/02/2024 11:15

I've literally sometimes said "who are you?!" in alarm when dh does this, if I'm deeply asleep. We've been together since 2010 lol. It's a reflex

Mumoftwo1312 · 21/02/2024 11:14

Yanbu I remember when my dh used to do this. He'd have been so offended if I'd explained what you said about the vulnerable woman reflex (although I think you're absolutely right and that's exactly what it felt like).

My solution was just to set my own alarm for when he'd be getting up. "Just in case yours doesn't wake you up"

MeinKraft · 21/02/2024 11:14

You could set your alarm for half an hour earlier on the days he's going so you know you'll be awake before he kisses you?

catsnore · 21/02/2024 11:11

Definitely not unreasonable! I'd tell him to bugger off quietly and leave me to sleep 😂

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