To be upset with partner over this?

Well, clearly there very much were mixed messages on his part, since it’s emerged he’s not as against another child as he originally thought - demonstrated by the fact that he wasn’t that bothered about using contraception. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't think there is any 'mixed' messages.
He's honestly told you that he doesn't want another child. Again, it's also true that condoms feel rubbish.
Just because you've told him the risk (of getting pregnant) is there, doesn't mean he wants to alter his behaviour.
You're over thinking this, pretty sure he isn't.

OP is not his fucking mother, fgs. He's a grown adult. He can make his own choices about what to do with his own penis, and work out what the consequences might be
Absolutely. I have the often unpopular opinion that the man ALWAYS has the final say about pregnancy. If they do not use protection, they can't complain

Jesus, why is the bar for men always so damn low?
But it is not always about the bar being low. It's more about how someone would actually choose this FOR their child. That THIS man is what the child deserves as a parent with a lifelong connection for both mother and child. We can't throw that line out but not ask about women who choose for their child to have a father that did not want them. Yes, he may not prevent it and he cannot moan about it later, but that doesn't change FOR THE CHILD that they were not wanted and had a twat chosen FOR them because someone was actually NOT thinking about the child 🤷‍♀️

But she is complicit and will no doubt feign shock and surprise when she falls pregnant.

To be fair, tbis is such an odd comment.

Why would the OP ‘feign shock and surprise’ when they have both been knowingly and willingly having unprotected sex……?

You can disagree with someone without being a complete arse about it. Fair enough you think the op is wrong (though it is still not her responsibility to stop a pregnancy her partner doesn’t want, a concern for a potential child is not invalid). But you’ve completely crossed the line of badgering the op on this thread and now being rude and quite frankly aggressive in your replies. The time to step away was when you were clearly getting incredibly aggravated by a child who doesn’t exist and is very unlikely to considering the circumstances.

Oh dear, you really do think highly of yourself don't you? The only person embarrassing themselves here is you, both for your situation and your responses.

To be clear, I'm not invested in you. You are a faceless internet stranger. But you asked for advice and I think that you're wrong. I have a sneaking suspicion you don't like hearing that though. Or the word 'no'. Oops there's that narrative again.

Anyway just for the avoidance of any doubt about my creepy investment, I'll step back now and wish you well for the future. I think you may need it.

Ahh I see, the replies that disagree with what you're doing are all 'weird narrative' but the ones sympathising and agreeing with you are perfectly valid. Gotcha.

Look, nobody is 'invested' in you and this sham. Get over yourself. You posted on a public forum for advice and because you haven't been unanimously told it's fine you're now being insulting.

Your initial question was 'am I right to be annoyed at the mixed messages' and I still maintain that the fact you've literally been told he doesn't want a baby means it isn't mixed messages. His actions are perfectly selfish and gratuitous. You are choosing to read more into it because it's what you want.

The wider message that you don't seem to understand or want to hear is that a baby will be brought into this who isn't wanted by its father. Maybe he'll come around, maybe he'll learn to love it. But as it stands right now he's told you he doesn't want it. To me that's not the same as accidentally falling pregnant or finding yourself as a single parent as a result of circumstance. It's a choice. And my opinion is that it's feckless of both of you (him more but you too for being complicit).

I'm sorry that this isn't what you want to hear.

Ok maybe I didn’t word it correctly. He’s a dick for not wearing a condom, not sure why she’s still with someone who doesn’t want to wear one but also doesn’t want a baby but I’m saying she also has to stop and say “no condom no sex!” Why risk a potential unwanted (by him) pregnancy?!

I think you are further forward. You have an exact answer.

The man doesn’t want a baby, he’s made that very clear. However, liken it to your own scenario earlier, where you said that if you became pregnant and he said “terminate or I’m leaving” your next best choice is to go along with it and be a single parent.

He’s saying that in the same situation, with a choice of leave and be single, or stay and have to be a dad to another baby, his lesser of the evils is to stay.

So, you:

top option: have baby as a family
second option: have baby as a single mum
third option: no further babies

Him:

top option: no further babies
second option: have baby as a family
third option: leave you as a single mum

I think it’s really clear.

Just to add, though, the contraception is his problem, not yours. You’ve been more than clear with him about your current fertility.

But OP will have to deal with the consequences too. This isn't something trivial, it's potentially bringing an unwanted child into the world.

@MsRosley when the consequences could affect the entire family I would argue OP has a responsibility too. He is a twat, no doubt about that. But she is complicit and will no doubt feign shock and surprise when she falls pregnant.

Why is it so hard to accept what he’s literally telling you - he doesn’t want another child!

He's also said he wouldn’t leave you or force you to terminate, because he’s obviously a respectful person….but that doesn’t mean he WANTS one, and it’s wrong of you to keep pressuring him into it.

OP is not his fucking mother, fgs. He's a grown adult. He can make his own choices about what to do with his own penis, and work out what the consequences might be.

Jesus, why is the bar for men always so damn low?

This child would have a father who actively would prefer that they didn't exist.

That's not quite the same thing as being a single mother by choice or having a very wanted child with an inherited illness.

Actively deciding to bring a child into the world when you know its father does not want it is cruel.

The idea of apportioning blame for bringing a child into the world is ridiculous. This is a child's life you are talking about. Making a child is not something you do and then say 'Oh well, it was his fault'.

They both have the responsibility and the power to not bring a child into the world who will be unwanted by its father.

What do you suggest the op do to rectify the situation?
If you don't want a child, you use contraception or you don't have sex. It's not complicated, and again, it is completely within OP's control to make that choice.

(Or better, perhaps, leave this idiot!)

You're not on the same page, though. He still doesn't want another child. He doesn't have the urge or a desire for another like you do. He's apathetic and uninterested. If you go ahead and have another, it will be because you (just you) want one.