Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I hate hate hate being a mum today

89 replies

Nononoohnono · 19/02/2024 09:50

I’m just sounding off but oh god I just want to fast forward time.

My seven month old is literally fighting me. Grabbing chunks of my hair and yanking it, grabbing the skin on my face and neck and twisting it. If I put her down she flings herself around and screams. My poor three year old gets completely ignored because of it all, and understandably it’s affected him and our relationship. I don’t wish I’d not had them but I hate this stage so much.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
2mummies1baby · 20/02/2024 13:27

YouJustDoYou · 20/02/2024 11:28

OP, I was there, I remember those awful days, massive massive hugs and I PROMISE you it's not forever! That little baby will one wrap their little arms around your neck and tell you they love you. It;s the best, best thing in the whole world. They just have to grow a bit first, and it takes time, but you WILL be okay xxx

This made me cry! ❤

Original poster
Nononoohnono · 20/02/2024 13:20

I don’t know. I’m half tempted to stick her in a bouncy chair in the shed to be honest.

OP posts:
lostwithoutpronouns · 20/02/2024 13:03

God that sounds exhausting.

I found that with mine (especially the high needs one) the really miserable phases were just before a big development like walking or producing lots of words. With luck she's just about to crawl and will be busy pulling apart the rest of the world soon and not you.

(The high needs one is almost grown up and has been utterly lovely since he turned 18 months but I still enjoy watching him be intense at the rest of the world instead of just me)

But I do wonder if there's something with weaning. I've known babies who didn't take to food and seemed in pain to turn out to have allergies. Keep an eye on that, see if anything she's eating is making it worse?

Original poster
Nononoohnono · 20/02/2024 12:51

She hasn’t been like this since birth, which is why I’m fairly confident it isn’t reflux. She’s OK out and about but I do have to be home sometimes, and it’s difficult to get anything done and my three year old is very much ignored when we are home. It’s a tricky age, but it will get better (despite what someone said!)

OP posts:
shams05 · 20/02/2024 12:13

Would she sit in the pram? All wrapped up in the hallway with the door open so she can see what's going on.

QueenBee22 · 20/02/2024 12:04

OP has she been like this since birth? Does she sleep? My oldest child was like this, turned out he had a severe diary allergy and wasn't diagnosed until he was 9 months old. Any other symptoms? Reflux, eczema, constipation, messy nappies, congestion?

Lassiata · 20/02/2024 11:50

It's a tough age. Maybe frustration - how mobile is she? Mine were both very strong too, it used to be funny but quite weird sometimes when you're genuinely fighting to get something away from a baby! Sympathies and I know it's not much comfort but this will pass OP.

tralalalalalalalal · 20/02/2024 11:46

Solidarity. Currently hiding from my 2 & 3 year old. Not feeling very parent-y today. Just want a wine!

YouJustDoYou · 20/02/2024 11:28

OP, I was there, I remember those awful days, massive massive hugs and I PROMISE you it's not forever! That little baby will one wrap their little arms around your neck and tell you they love you. It;s the best, best thing in the whole world. They just have to grow a bit first, and it takes time, but you WILL be okay xxx

whiteboardking · 20/02/2024 11:26

Are you able to go to baby groups / toddler groups where she'll be put down?

Mischance · 20/02/2024 09:02

You need to be sure that she is not in pain. If you feel sure that this is the case, then I would put her down on the floor until she settles a bit.

2mummies1baby · 20/02/2024 08:56

Waxdrip · 20/02/2024 06:54

Sympathy, you're doing a great job. My high needs baby turned into a lovely child and our easiest teenager. But it was so tough. Hang in there.

I'm hoping my high needs baby does the same! She's already much lovelier at 14 months than she was at 7 months.

Mynaddmawr · 20/02/2024 08:56

My little girl was a violent little beast like this starting around 5 months and it eased off around 9 months. It made me so sad because I started to dread breastfeeding! It used to be this beautiful relaxing time and suddenly it was her trying to gauge my eyeballs out and pull/chew off my nips. I felt overwhelmed and pretty sad. It will get better ❤ you're doing a great job. Mine still fights me sometimes at 10 months now (last night she bit my neck like an actual tiny vampire?!) but now she's crawling and 8 teeth richer, some of that frustration seems to have ebbed. And she definitely understands no now, even if she mostly ignores me 🤣

MumInBrussels · 20/02/2024 08:50

My first was like this. For a long time, I was determined he would be an only child... (I now have 3 kids - it does get better once they can move and especially when they can talk, in my experience!)

I don't have any real advice - nothing much helped except wearing him in a baby carrier all.the.time - but lots of sympathy. You're not doing anything wrong and you're not alone - I think some babies are harder at different stages than others!

On the not taking Calpol though, will he take baby nurofen? It tastes different and so might be more acceptable... Here they also sell paracetamol suppositories for babies - maybe pharmacies in the UK do too? We found hiding medicine behind yogurt on a spoon to work when he got a bit bigger - he liked yogurt and swallowed it before he noticed the medicine. (I'd forgotten that particularly bleak period until just now. He grew out of it, eventually!)

Good luck, anyway, and I hope this phase passes soon!

2mummies1baby · 20/02/2024 08:47

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 20/02/2024 01:01

<clutches pearls at all the comments of "its the worst phase" etcetc from mums with young children.

I has 2 prem high needs babies due to growth retardation .... and i can honestly say , this is just a walk in the park compared to fast forward a few years.

What a kind and helpful comment.

2mummies1baby · 20/02/2024 08:45

Oh my love I know that feeling. I'm so sorry. You have my sympathy. X

whiteboardking · 20/02/2024 08:35

It sounds extreme hence suggestions.

Original poster
Nononoohnono · 20/02/2024 08:29

I’m fairly wits teeth. We’re just trying to survive!

OP posts:
Violettaa · 20/02/2024 08:07

Solidarity.

Of course you can’t ignore a screaming baby. People who say that have babies who whinge, not scream.

You need some time off. You need someone to take the baby for a bit so you can hang out with the 3yo, and take them both so you can lie in a dark room (or whatever).

You need to make clear to you DH/ DM / whoever that this is something you NEED or you and the children will not be ok.

It will still be shit after the time off, but you will be better able to cope.

Love from another mum who had a high needs baby.

Original poster
Nononoohnono · 20/02/2024 07:59

I don’t believe for a second any of you would actually try to sit and play with a three year old while a baby screams and flings themselves around getting increasingly frantic. (And if you would, shame on you.)

OP posts:
Moneybum · 20/02/2024 07:27

Lavender14 · 19/02/2024 10:38

Ah op that sounds so hard. Ds used to do that when he was fighting a nap or when he had trapped wind. I've heard some babies get really frustrated because they want to be more mobile than they are yet and then they settle. Is your wee one crawling? When ds was like that the only two things that worked were getting him in his pram and out for a walk or sticking him in the bath for a splash, both can involve your wee one.

I have also given calpol in these situations to rule out pain and I've used skin to skin and just stuck them under my dressing gown in their nappy for a bit. The sling helped me too.

But it's not easy, you're doing something really difficult and intense that requires a huge amount of emotional energy and I see you. You're doing amazing.

Do you have a partner who can take over for a while when you get home so you can have a break? I found a hot shower or sometimes 30 mins in a dark silent room when dh got home was exactly what I needed to reset a bit.

Also kudos on recognising that every day and every stage is different and none of it lasts forever. That alone shows you've really good resilience because it can be so easy to feel like it's never ending!

This is such a lovely and helpful reply!

minipin · 20/02/2024 07:16

Sending sympathy OP, it does get better with time. Wish I could come and help you have a break. Some great suggestions here, the issue with my ds turned out to be ear infections too, so worth getting this checked if you can. Swimming definitely seemed to help too.

Waxdrip · 20/02/2024 06:54

Sympathy, you're doing a great job. My high needs baby turned into a lovely child and our easiest teenager. But it was so tough. Hang in there.

TeeBee · 20/02/2024 06:54

I'm not sure anyone would enjoy motherhood having to face that OP.
Could you try swaddling her with a blanket when you're feeding or cuddling her so you don't get grabbed? And perhaps try a playpen lined with roll mats. That way, she can throw herself around all she wants without getting hurt.

Thelightis · 20/02/2024 06:52

@HoppingPavlova

I was think this too

Swipe left for the next trending thread