To get angry about sleep Apnoea issues

As PP have said, having OSA doesn't necessarily mean he won't be able to drive. My partner was put on a CPAP machine over a decade ago and has had zero issues with his licence because the apnoea is well controlled. The sleep clinic gets data that shows he's getting at least 7 hours of decent sleep a night (which is more than perimenopausal me).

When he was first diagnosed he was half waking several times A MINUTE because he'd stopped breathing and wasn't getting any oxygen. The difference in him once he got the CPAP machine was like night and day. And getting referred to a sleep clinic for testing doesn't take long at all.

Surely OP's husband realises that if he has an accident when he knows he may have apnoea it could likely invalidate his insurance? And I wish him luck explaining to the police that he avoided getting treatment because he didn't want to stop driving.

OP you're definitely NBU.

Wasn't the case with DH - his machine has a mobile SIM card in it and reports back with any incidents detected and compliance - so he was never stopped from driving. If he ever stops using it - then they'll report him. This was during the Covid lockdowns so relatively recently.

As for the change in DH - it was literally like I got the man I married back. Him falling asleep constantly and me having to do all the parenting (it was mid-lockdown and he literally fell asleep home-schooling the kids multiple times) was about to break me. I'll warn you it took a couple of GP visits until we got a one prepared to listen to us and not just go on the "lose weight" speech... but once he was fitted for his machine, three stone fell off him (wish it bloody would me) and his energy came back incredibly quickly.

I took video clips of him stopping breathing and doing the whole pneumatic drill splutter, leg flailing and generally resembling a Pokemon Magicarp routine to show the GP, plus they did ask me the amount of times it seemed to happen and how long it took before he did the splutter-flail-resume breathing routine as well - so I went to the appointment with him. I'm not sure the response that "when I start to worry I prod him back into action" was the acceptable one!

Sleep study was done at home as well- he had to go into the local hospital, pick up the kit and then wear it overnight - it dialled in with the results to the hospital and then he had to go back in for the fitting of the mask and collection of the machine. He was stopping breathing something bonkers like 100 times an hour at points.

See my later post- depends on how severe it is!

About 3 weeks after my ex started using CPAP , we were driving to supermarket as we did each week (I was driving). I had to pull over and tell him very gently and kindly to shut up!🤦‍♀️🤣🤣🤣. I was soooo used to driving with an inert, unconscious person beside me I couldn’t concentrate on driving with his incessant chatter and a degree of sudden onset backseat driving 🤷🏼‍♀️

the effect t is startling. As I said in earlier email, he had a severe and enduring mental health condition, and his sleepiness had been put down to that for years despite me arguing against it. His psychiatrist had also diagnosed him with depressive symptoms. Vanished completely when put onto CPAP. He lost weight, exercised more.

the sting in the tail for us was that he was so much better, that he thought he didn’t have mental illness at all. He stopped his antipsychotics- refused to take them. Hence now ex. I wasn’t expecting that and it wasn’t the outcome I had dreamed of. But it tells you how big a difference it made.

Been there and done that with my husband. It was awful. I feel your pain. He was moody, tired and generaIly miserable. I pretty much gave him an ultimatum. He’s been using a machine now for about ten years. Transformative. Hope it all gets sorted.

No this isn’t correct. That’d be a case to forward to police for prosecution for dangerous driving😱.

it is dependant on the level of condition determined at point of testing. For mild sleep apnea generally . But it is still strongly advised that people need to notify dvla but are ok to drive if they’re being treated.
for severe sleep apnea you have to give up liscence until you can show you are back in control using CPAP etc. needs consultation group to write to dvla.

I think it’s rare nowadays for people not to eventually get liscence back if they comply with treatment.

and as I said earlier, it is way better for you to notify DVLA as SOON as your Gp refers you to sleep clinic /test . DVLA usually will act quicker to give it back if you’ve shown you’ve taken it very seriously in not driving when in doubt.

Op, depending on severity, you need to inform the police or DVLA . He is an accident waiting to happen

if his reason for not seeing GP is down to driving, you can take that control away from him by reporting. Or threatening to. It’s no different than you knowingly not reporting him driving where drunk or drugged.

i only found out after my ex was on CPAP, that he’d once fallen asleep in a traffic queue and another driver had ordered him to park up and stop driving. He could have killed someone. Most of time I wouldn’t let him drive on his own. In his case he was ok with going to GP, but he had severe and enduring mental health problems and the Gp was saying it was caused by antipsychotics and refused to send him for sleep test. Took 4 years of me pleading for him to have a simple overnight test. He had severe sleep apnea as I had been saying for years

you also need to point out the numerous risks to his health- heart attack, high blood pressure, depression, and in longer term dementia

youhave my utmost sympathy, having a partner falling asleep in every conversation, getting lazier, doing same thing over and over cos they fall asleep wake up and forget what they’ve done, and in worse case watch them at the dining table behave like a tired baby with food dripping form their mouths becuase they fall asleep when eating. My exh once face planted his Sunday lunch I’d taken ages to prepare.

The good news is, that once on CPAP my ex “woke up” and became a different man ! He was back to his old chatty self, and was back driving in no time at all. Yep, it was a short term inconvenience whilst his license was withdrawn temporarily, but very easy to get back becuase he’d volunteered the information and the liscence. My understanding if you don’t volunteer to give it up temporarily as soon as you have referral , dvla are less easily to give it back when asked.

DH wasn’t stopped from driving.
He did have the CPAP machine pretty quickly and, as they can monitor remotely how long it is worn each night, they have said that if he doesn’t wear it regularly he may be stopped from driving because he does stop breathing so much.

It's likely to affect this guy's driving because OP describes him eating to try to stay awake while at the wheel.

My memory is sleep apnoea is acceptable to DVLA only if you have never fallen asleep at the wheel.

He will be stopped from driving (liscence has to be handed in so to speak) until he has

1. been fitted and instructed in use of CPAP machine
2. hes shown form the results of the CPAP he is having less incidences and sleeping for 6 hours

the consultant team can then write a medical update to give to DVLA . He can then reapply.

in my husbands case that took around 4 months of not driving, but dvla and CPAP fitting were pretty swift. And he was compliant with CPAP

I keep thinking of additional things! I wrongly assumed DH would wake from the 1st night with the machine, and feel 100% refreshed. He struggled with the mask in the early days and it was a few weeks before he started feeling much better.
His goes over the mouth and nose, and he asked for a humidified one. He no longer wakes up with a dry mouth.

Honestly this is ridiculous and he is behaving appallingly

Tell him he goes to the doctor and gets it all sorted or you will report him to DVLA. If he’s still not getting help then I would probably leave as this situation would do my head in.

Why does he want to live his life as an overweight slob?

If he loses weight and becomes healthy then the sleep apnea will most likely go away.

I couldn't be married to a Snorlax and you also have the choice to give him an ultimatum or leave.

I finally got myself to my doctor for this. I’m waiting for a referral to sleep clinic.
gP told me no driving. I don’t have a car so not an issue.
im praying for a help in this because im tired all the time. Still in bed now

Under the revised guidance from the DVLA he shouldn't be driving if he has suspected Sleep Apnea and excessive daytime sleepiness. The sooner he goes to the doctor, the sooner he can get it under control and be allowed to drive.

A dear dear friend was killed by a lorry driver w untreated sleep apnoea. As you can imagine, this devastated the lives of many people. I’m so glad you are going to report your husband - thank you.

He can die from sleep apnoea

Was he a different person after?

Previously, he would sleep on the sofa several times a day. We rarely went out in the evening or to peoples homes, because he'd fall asleep at their dining table! He used to open the car window to keep awake, but mainly slept if a passenger in the car. I found him asleep on the toilet one time!
Since getting the machine, DH has more energy and wanted to get fitter. His motivation is to not have to use the machine forever.

DH saw a respiratory specialist (although this was during covid, so mostly it was via calls). He was asked questions such as if he was a car passenger would he fall asleep, if he was driving does he open the window to keep awake etc. I would never condone lying, but I know my DH downplayed being tired when driving- for fear of it affecting his license.

Since getting the machine though, he no longer keeps the window open and I don't fear he will die in the night, or driving.

Maybe it's narcolepsy, diabetes, sleep apnoea, it's good he has a dr appointment but no he shouldn't be driving.,

My partner has just got his cpap machine, it is bliss. He had a heart attack and is on a lot of meds, but since being on the cpap machine he has come off two. You can drive once your SA is under control. From diagnosis to getting a machine is quite quick, so it's a matter of not driving for weeks. Your DH is now driving illegally because he knows he has a medical issue. You are protecting your children but not other people's. Personally I'd tell him that I'm going to report him. SA has an effect on health and the heart.