I'm not looking after myself

The best thing you can do is stop buying the snacks & alcohol, if you don’t have it at home you can’t have it. There’s nothing wrong with having a coffee and cake when you pop into town as it’s then a treat and it’ll feel more like a treat if you’re not doing it at home.
Exercise can be dull unless you find something you like …. Instead just do more walking. Best of luck with it, you sound ready for a change and it will be amazing for your health and wellbeing

eating the food and drinking the wine feels good at the time but afterwards I just feel bloated and rubbish.

Well done on spotting that this is where some things are going wrong. I found the approach in Gillian Riley's https://eatingless.com to eat according to how you are going to feel after eating it and in the say 24hrs to follow.

Then I started drinking a lot of still water and generally followed the low carb high fat 'bootcamp' from here on Mumsnet. A very supportive set of threads to keep you company.

Hope to see you over there.

Another who found your post resonated! I am hypocritically drinking a glass of wine before my dinner, but know I'd feel so much better if I knocked it on the head for a while. It makes my diet worse, and while I am reasonably active I am not as active as I should be.

It's mainly boredom and habit, and it sounds like yours is similar - I have a busy job and once the day is over, and I've done the jobs / tidied / made dinner for DS etc I just want to have a drink and some nice food, or a 'treat' for finishing the day.

Some of the advice here is really good, and it looks like many people feel the same way.

Get a bin bag and throw out all the junk food. If it’s still in perfect condition drop
it off at the food bank. Don’t tell me your dc need them, they really don’t! You tell everyone Mummy is improving her health. No more alcohol in the house.

Find a good babysitter locally and start going out. If you can’t being yourself to exercise then put weights on your ankles. Diet is far more effective than exercise. You can start now. Order the weights. Chuck out the junk. It will make a huge difference!

The best way to start is just to start. Don’t plan anything. Start now. If you’re a sugar addict, eat some dried cranberries or grapes. Drink loads of fizzy water to fill yourself up. If you feel like the cake today, don’t eat it, eat a banana. You’ll feel like you’re denying yourself a treat at first but ignore the devil on your shoulder.

Knock the booze on the head for at least a month and you’ll be amazed at how much weight you lose. Although you say you’re not hungover, I bet you’ll feel more energetic after a few days not drinking.

Get up early and get your exercise out of the way. That’s what I do. I work FT with kids and once the day starts proper, there’s no chance for me to work out so I wake at 5.40am daily and do an hour of exercise. I also walk around more even when I’m WFH. I started this on 2 Jan and including mindful eating i.e not just shoving crap into my mouth unthinkingly, I’ve dropped a dress size.

I estimate I’ve lost over a stone but haven’t weighted myself. I don’t see the point, I’m just going by how I look and feel, and whether I can fit into my smaller clothes. Went out with my friends last week and they commented on how much I’d lost. I’d been gradually piling it on and was feeling really shit about myself. So I just did something about it.

I get a little kick out of challenging myself on how many calories and move points I’ve got on my Apple watch.

Start today. Start now.

@Porfirio if you have never been overweight then I'm afraid statistically you are much more likely to find staying slim easier. For the OP, she would have to do much more exercise than you do in order to lose weight than you do to maintain the same weight.

Regarding these two points -

1. 'I don't exercise. I have tried the gym and running. Just hate them. I do YouTube workouts from time to time but again I despise every minute and genuinely wonder how people do this stuff everyday.' -

I have never been overweight and 90% of my exercise comes from walking in the countryside. Is that something you might enjoy?

1. 'I don't have the time or money for hairs, nails or eyebrows' -

But you have money to buy cake and excessive amounts/fattening foods. Have you ever made a written note on how much you spend on food each week or month? If you cut down on the overeating not only would it benefit your health but you might be able to spend some money on a haircut that would give you a confidence boost.

How would it be if instead of focusing on what not to eat, you thought instead about what you can eat to improve your health? Kefir or kombucha for gut health, beetroot juice for blood pressure, porridge for cholesterol or a good protein-y breakfast to set you up for the morning? Could you get into being scientific about nutrient bioavailability? Would you feel motivated if you scheduled a health MOT in a few weeks and didn’t want the nurse to tell you off?

I know as soon as I think about cutting back on sugar I fixate on it more than ever 🥺

You'd easily lose weight if you stopped drinking - thats a very simple way of cutting down the calories considerably so I'd address that first. Replace your evening drink with something else like a big mug of tea (decaf at that time of day) or a big glass of fizzy water with a squeeze of lemon in or something. Your health would improve considerably overall and then other changes become easier to implement once you've got over the side effects of all that alcohol.

Exercise is boring but necessary. I work out 2 hours a week non-negotiably (its booked in my diary and I treat it like I would any other appointment). Its the only way that works for me.

You might never love exercise... and that's ok. In terms of weight loss, it's secondary to diet.
I have only ever lost weight through fasting. I am an all or nothing person so I'd rather not eat from when I wake up until 4pm and then be able to eat whatever I want in a three hour window rather than try to pretend that shit like dry crackers and cottage cheese and grapefruit are the same as a big homemade veggie curry with rice and a pint.

Just give up the wine and everything else will fall into place. Just change that one thing for a month to start with and then see where you are.

I lost 3 stone by giving up wine. I calorie counted too but giving up the wine gave me the motivation to want to eat better and start exercising. I still had my takeaways, chocolate everyday and pretty much ate what I wanted but it was a hell of a lot easier to stick to a reasonable calorie limit and to exercise without the wine fog.

Give it a week, then a month and then see if you want to continue! I bet you do!

@AhBiscuits

My dsis has spent a lot on Wegovy but hasn't really lost weight.

I don't think it works for everyone unfortunately

If you can quit the drinking everything else will feel easier and fall into place

Weight lifting will really

It's to do with the alcohol and insulin levels mainly.

If you can get through one evening where you eat low carb, stop and don't drink alcohol then the next day is easier.

Good idea about saving money from a pp. save the money and spend it doing stuff as a family or put it towards weekends away.

Spend lots of time outdoors with your dc. Run around with them. Footballs, bat and balls, gliding planes, see the ducks, go to farms, go swimming.
Get active as a family.

Eat good food that you enjoy and stay feeling good rather than crap food that you enjoy and feel rubbish afterwards.

I decided to throw some money at the problem and started on Wegovy. I've lost nearly 2 stone in just over 3 months and have 1 more to go before I'm a healthy weight. I can't overeat on Wegovy and don't want to drink alcohol either. As the weight has come off I feel confident and more inclined to do my hair, paint my nails, buy new clothes etc.
I joined the princessing thread and now do little things all the time to improve my appearance and health. Things like taking vitamins, using lip scrub, moisturising.
For me losing weight is the thing which has made other things fall into place.
If you can afford Wegovy, I recommend it.

Same here op 😔 . I'm also just really tired all the time. Assume it's because of my terrible lifestyle atm.

I'm tackling booze first. Just not having it at the moment. Also have started doing yoga and cooking from scratch more (no takeaways / convenience food and as little UPF as I can manage).

I can't bring myself to diet properly...yet...maybe ever! Too many memories of very restrictive eating which honestly backfires every time I do it.

I feel for you. I'd say a good start would be to visit your GP. You sound like you may be depressed? They should be able to offer something in terms of weight loss as well. It can be so hard to break the cycle of bad habits. The best thing is replace them with good ones. So, think of your favourite fruit? Buy loads of that and try and reach for that instead of crisps etc. Fill your fridge with loads of yummy things you like but are a bit healthier, ham, chicken, fish, smoked salmon, hummous, veg sticks, small portions of nuts/ dried fruit, youghurt etc.
If you like snacking, make up a snack box of all the stuff you can have in the day, you could do one for everyone or they can do their own of course. You like snacking and it's just about healthier snacks. Also add more veg to your dinner plate and try and cut portion size? Could you go out walking and swimming as a family a couple times a week? I used to do emotional freedom technique to control binge eating/ bulimia. It really worked, you just tap different parts of your face etc in a routine a few times when you feel like snacking when you know you are not hungry. https://www.healthline.com/health/eft-tapping#treatment

I am going through a very difficult time. I’m overweight, do no exercise and my mental health is bad.

I have been eating all the wrong things, but I decided to tackle that first. There’s loads of evidence to say that lots of veg and fruit is good for your gut biome and can affect your physical and mental health.

So I have dug out my old Nutribullet and restarted making myself a carrot, apple, tomato smoothie most days for lunchtime onwards. I’ve started making more stir fries as they’re relatively quick to make and you can add in peppers, carrot, shredded cabbage etc. soups and stews are similar.

Ive also discovered a range of prepared veggie dishes by Tesco. I think it’s called the Signature range and is found close to the fresh veg. Then it is just 25 min in the oven with some meat I can easily cook.

Im still overeating, and still eat choccies and a lot of ice cream after dinner. But I’ve gone from air fryer chips at least 3/4 times a week to say once every 2 weeks.

Baby steps and habit stacking.

Have you tried having a glass of fizzy water next to your wine OP? I find I drink much less if I do that, it's just a habit to pick up the glass when you're watching something, and it means you're not drinking the calories too.

A pal started exercising by doing short Joe Wicks on YouTube, and has now graduated to full HIIT sessions and is feeling (and looking) much better.

Good luck.

1 litre of bacardi is currently £22.50, usually less on offer. Add a mixer, which is a negligible cost as you would normally get the bacardi on offer.

A bottle of wine is £10.
6 servings of wine in a bottle = 12 servings. Less if drinking 250ml glasses.

A double shot of bacardi is 50ml so 20 servings in a bottle. Plus a few litres of cheapmixer.

"To be totally honest, not many people enjoy boring exercise but it's that thing of gritting your teeth to do it if it's important to you."

I totally disagree. Everyone I know who exercises a lot enjoys it, some of them are even addicted. Very few people can force themselves to do things they hate on a regular basis. People tend to start to enjoy exercise as their bodies get used to it.

"At the very least switch wine to spirits and a diet coke or tonic, ot will save shitloads of calories and money."

Calories, yes, but money?

One night (tonight?) without salty snacks or processed carbs and with water instead of alcohol and in the morning you will feel less bloated and more energised, a little better than you do now and have something to build on tomorrow. One night, tonight. Just give it a go.

Don't buy the food/wine.

Take long walks.

Find a hobby that you really enjoy.

Find something else to look forward to on weekends. There has to be something!

Don't do fad diets etc. Just make slow, sustainable changes to your diet.

The long term gain is worth the short term pain of eating less crap/drinking less wine. I haven't had alcohol in ages and I feel really good, skin is clear, more energy.

You can do it OP.

And by the way. Sugar is addictive. I find if I eat too much. My anxiety is awful. I want more once I start