It’s an inheritance one!

1. why the assumption an old person would have an expectation of assistance from a niece/nephew?
2. there are many organisations - including charitable ones - that can 'do all the ferrying of old persons' (like pieces of garbage or flotsam 😒)
3. people may leave money to charity for many reasons - whether from wanting to do,some good once they're gone from altruistic reasons to more personal reasons (eg a legacy to a charity for personal reasons, such as a hospice or indeed those charities that help with The Ferrying of the Elderly).

Surely it's not that difficult to understand

So why is your ire/disappointment not directed against your parents cutting out your children from their will (should you predecease them)?

< sorry for your diagnosis >

Presumably these relatives will expect their nephews/nieces to look after them in old age? Even if they were wealthy, someone’s got to do all the ferrying of old persons back and forth to hospital, the medicine collection, the organisation of carers and home improvements, being at the end of the phone for emergencies……

I really don’t understand why people leave everything to charity.

The nasty post belongs to people who think that money is the tie that binds them to family and are keeping score of what they think they are entitled to.

This. It's not the OP who is unreasonable as I knkw what a cancer diagnosis does to someone, having had one and being responsible for giving them.

However, I do wonder if the sibling knew that any financial help they were offered and took came with such tight strings attached. Poor them for thinking that it was a gift or a loan given to them, with no expectations.

@Teddleshon my own family and I have our own cancer diagnoses at the moment, I do understand how shit it is, and you don't need to school me on empathy. But unfortunately the illness is not relevant because it's the sibling's choice in regards to where the money goes. OP's sibling has also agreed to be the guardian which I think is lovely.

I stand by my post. Your children, your responsibility. OP asked for opinions, that is mine. Doesn't mean it's correct but it's how I feel.

I think the conversation you need to have is with your parents about them leaving what would have gone to you instead to your DC.

SIL and her husband done have and never will have children.

Never in a million years would I expect them to leave anything to DS or any of their other nieces or nephews?!

I agree with you @BacktoBreathe I would be very upset too.

@Scalottia geez, op has had a cancer diagnosis. How about a bit of empathy.

@Sapphire387 I completely agree with you.

@daliesque so it’s fine for the sibling to decide to leave all their estate to charity rather than family but beyond appalling for the parents to decide to leave theirs to grandchildren rather than said sibling who will then leave it all to charity?

First post nails it.

I am tired of people making everything about their children.

You chose to have a child, OP. Your sibling didn't. Your child's financial future is your responsibilty, and nothing to do with your sibling.

Good on them for helping a charity. Your child is not a charity case, as you say you and your sibling have similar wealth.

Honestly the entitlement of some parents.

If I was a parent of you and your sibling and knew sibling was leaving their estate to charity I would leave my estate to my grandchildren. As I would be entitled to do.

And that sibling would be entitled to tell their entire family to fuck off and never have anything to do with them again.

I think it’s fair that family money is passed down to younger generations where possible . If I was childless I wouldn’t be giving money inherited from family to charity when I died if I could give to my niece /nephew . I wish you well OP .

I've got 17 dnieces and nephews. I've only left my youngest sisters DC money in my will but jewelry for all other nieces. The reason being is I know my younger sister doesn't have much to leave her dc. The others will inherit from their parents. For the same reason I also helped my same dniece who went to uni with a standing order help every month. Her younger sister will get the same help next year when she goes. My DNephew has had other help over the years with school trips and equipment for hobbies paid for. I think it's sad your brother doesn't want to help out his nieces and nephews. He could still leave money to charity too. I think given your cancer diagnosis you could ask either your brother or someone else you really trust to be guardians for your DC if you were to pass away. Hopefully your parents would pass your share of inheritance down to your DC.

Im not comfortable talking to my parents about what my siblings will says but I could ask if anything I would have got could go into trust for my DC without mentioning any reason why.

Nor should you be. And do ignore the posters who think that you should persuade your parents to change their will to exclude your sibling. All you can do is mention your share of the inheritance and how you want it to go to your kids. Anything else and you are at risk of your sibling walking away from all of you - as they would have the right to do so.

I agree with you OP, family before a charity who may use or misuse the money.
My sibling has no children and is going to leave her inheritance to my children and I am very grateful for that, I would do the same if the situation was reversed.

I'm with you OP. Of course it's her choice, but I judge her for it.

I trust when she's old without the support network having children often provides that she won't think she can rely on her niece/nephew for help with hospital appointments, shopping, day trips - you know the kind of thing that families would normally do for each other.

This. I agree, I don’t think it’s about the will. You need to have a conversation with your sister about your fears for your children with your diagnosis. It may well not have occurred to her that you are worried about what will happen in a worst case scenario

I agree and sympathise entirely with your point of view. I'm going through treatment for breast cancer, prospects for survival are ok. However, I spoke with my father about the possibility that he would outlive me. If I die before him, his will has now been changed so that "my share" will pass to my two adult children and not go to my utter arsehole of a brother.

To be honest, it’s a bit greedy to want your siblings money for your child, on the other hand I am TOTALLY OPPOSED to charities, and lining the pockets of executives.

I would leave my money to family, and if I had none, the families of friends or relations.

That is unusual OP. A friend lost her brother some years ago and her parent's estate is to be divided equally between the friend and her brother's children.
I would talk with my parents and see how they have left it.

I’m childless. My only sibling has one child. I’d planned to leave my money to that child, until I realised they viewed me with absolute contempt, as a poor relation. I’m therefore leaving them a small number of valuables and the rest is going to friends. If the situation were reversed, and I had children and my sibling didn’t, there’s no way on earth they’d be leaving me their money. So that’s it.

She's making HER death about this. Families are supposed to help each other. It's about giving when you have been given to.
Charity begins at home. Being motherless is never easy however if any stresses can be removed by family then why wouldn't you. It truly is no skin off your nose.

Sorry you've been ill. But you really can't rely on inheriting from a sister to help your financial stability. She has every right to leave her money to whomever she chooses. YABU.