It’s an inheritance one!

@neriah as someone who is big on family ties and is leaving money to all my nieces and nephews I think you are entirely justified in your decision!!

This thread has been so enlightening. I didn't agree with the OP on the first place. But having read the entire thread, when I return to the UK on Wednesday I'm changing my will. I've thought about it several times in recent years, and never done it. The main beneficiary is my nephew. That is the son of my brother who, within six months of learning his child was the beneficiary, never contacted me again - 9th January 2016 - because he was busy. Never returned a phone call. Too busy. Or an email, too busy. A couple of texts, but... yes, you guessed it, too busy. Nephew gets £100 at birthday and Christmas - can't be arsed to even text me that the voucher arrived. Two major surgeries since 2016 that could have been life threatening- my brother didn't even know about them because there was no point telling him - he couldn't give a shit.

I'm going with the middle finger - the other minor beneficiary is the Dogs Trust. I'm now leaving the lot to them.

just as well you’re not in charge of that then.

Mine are willed to animal charities. If someone disagrees with that it’s their problem 🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree that if you are getting substantial help from younger relatives in your old age you should try to repay them, and a legacy is often the way to do that.

That feels very different to me from assuming that you should keep all money in the family no matter what.

If I were in OP's sister's position I would be prepared to support relatives in hardship. I would be prepared to repay any help needed and given in old age. But that wouldn't stop me from having charities as the beneficiary of my will meanwhile.

Plenty of childless relatives don't get help from nephews and nieces, or expect it.

Childless relatives aren't back-up parents. They have their own lives and needs and goals

Yes, until they get old and expect help from their nieces and nephews who if they said no would then get guilt tripped by the whole "but you're family" refrain- Ive seen this happen multiple times. You cant wheel out the "you're family" thing only when it suits you!

I am not an animal person myself but lots of people give time and money to look after them in life. That's very obvious and there are good humans reasons to do so. It lessens suffering. So people can certainly leave money to animal charities without ulterior motives.

Yup. You got it. Leaving everything to animal charities is basically a middle finger to the world.

I can understand someone choosing to leave the lot to a charity that benefits people, possibly with a connection to the life of the person. Donkeys, dogs or cats etc? No, that’s just a ‘fuck you’ statement.

Ian Brady left his money to animal charities.

I’d ban legacies to animal charities. 👍

Id love to know what the relevance of this is?

Oh she’s leaving her own money to the British Heart Foundation, that’s ok, that’s a ‘proper charity’. She’s leaving her own money to Cats Protection, it’s disgusting she loves cats more than her niece presumably?

Haven’t RTFT, so apologies if a repeat, but what sort of charity(ies) is money being left to?

My sister has already made it clear to me fairly bluntly that her children are being brought up to understand that Auntie Dim has absolutely no right to expect any of their time and effort in my old age, just because I happen to be infertile.

She does however expect her children to profit from my infertility

My neice lived with me for a year, my nephew has lived with me for several years so I have gone rather above and beyond the average Aunt duties, in spite of being disabled myself, but still I have to be made aware that all of this still doesn't mean I can have any expectation of help if I ever need it from my neice and nephew. I've at no point indicated I would expected it, but still it's been pointed out to me on multiple occasions

My friends on the other hand, I spend a lot of time with their kids and they are bringing their kids up with the expectation that if your family friends have nowhere to go at Christmas or if they need a little help then you reach out and help. They actively model this for their children with older family friends themselves. So I know that if I am left alone in my old age that there will be three children who will always make sure I am never alone at Christmas

Whilst I still intend on leaving some money to my niece and nephew because I don't expect them to look after me in my old age just to "earn" an inheritance from me, I damn well intend on leaving some to my friends children too. Because apparently all this love and care and family feeling that people are told about isn't actually expected to flow to childless relatives, just from them.

TempleofBloom, I read it fine - this bit is the one I was querying, albeit it's very clear in intention as far as I can see.
If the opportunity arises I’d also mention the charity bit in you dsis’s will, purely to let them know, not to actively ask them to do anything about it - although they may choose to take that into account.

Literally in my first line I acknowledge those people 🤣 ! I say there are a few of those, but the majority who say they are childless admit that they are leaving their money elsewhere.

No, that is not what is suggested.

Just that in dividing their estate, the parents could leave half to the sibling and half to the OP, or the OP's DC in her place.

ATM the parents are saying that if the OP pre-deceases them the whole of their estate would go to the sibling.. Not to her DC in her place.

So suggesting that the parents adopt a very common structure of will making.

I get on fine with my family.

They don't need my money!

May I be struck down immediately if I ever become the kind of person who revises my will over a thank you note or lack thereof.

Except for the childless aunts who have said they would leave their estate to their nieces and nephews.

If my DC pre-decease me or we all go in the same horrible event my estate goes to my nieces and nephews, with other bequests to a friend (the DC;s god-free parent).

My childfree sibling and IL are leaving their estate to their nieces and nephews.

But unlike some of the aunts on this thread we all get on and are close, and the nieces and nephews socialise with their aunts and uncles, and send thank you notes for presents!

As someone planning to leave my (not terribly significant) estate to charity, I would also be likely to alter this to help a relative or close friend in hardship.

What you mean is that the parents should be told about the sister's charity plans so that the parents can cut her out of their plans altogether, yes?

Grasping isn't a strong enough word.

That seems really sensible and reasonable.

Nobody has to act as executor whether they are named in the will or not.

I'd have no problem - health and other commitments permitting - helping as an executor where the legacy went to charity. It's the last thing you can do for someone.

OP: If I die before my parents then anything they have when they die will go to my sibling. And so then to charity.

Assuming my husband doesn’t remarry then my DC will inherit anything my husband owns at time of death. he personally won’t inherit anything from his family.

afaik it is very common for a will to specify that where close family are concerned if a beneficiary is deceased then the money passes to the next generation - i.e grandchildren. Did they do a very basic DIY will?

Also - even if your DH were to re-marry he can still leave his assets direct to yours and his children, it doesn't all automatically have to pass to a spouse. As long as the surviving spouse has enough to live on there can be no challenge.

Good point.

Childless relatives aren't back-up parents. They have their own lives and needs and goals.

Many of them are also perfectly aware of the possible pitfalls of leaving to charity. They are capable of researching where their money will make a difference.

I find the view that leaving money outside the family isn't fair very strange. Inheritance isn't fair. It makes a huge divide between the haves and the have nots. I can see parents will naturally want to give their children every advantage. But the idea that every older relative should chip in to add to that advantage does not appeal to me.

I donate to charity now and I hope to do so after my death. Why should only the super-rich and their foundations get to help strangers?

In your opinion.
The sibling has already told the OP the plan, so clearly talked about it. What's wring with asking why? Isn't that normal conversation between siblings?
My siblings know the direction of my will, and vice versa. We are just open about it.

@Bellyblueboy it doesn't matter why. Sibling has simply made their decision to leave money to charity. It's not really OP's business why.

I am the childless sister, my sister inherits everything, if she goes first it all goes to her children. Everyone knows this.

I can’t imagine not wanting my lovely niece and nephew to inherit my house. It is worth quite a bit and, assuming it’s not used for care, would be a big boost for them (perhaps in their forties or fifties though).

have you asked your sister why? particularly as some of the wrath will be from your parents and therefore the kids grandparents?