It’s an inheritance one!

Nasty?
No, it isn't

Due to health issues you need to appoint a guardian. Is the father in the picture? Ate in-laws more supportive? If no other family then speak to sibling about your concerns about guardianship. Common sense it would be then.

I am a little biased in my views as a Muslim. You can gift before death but after you die your inheritance goes to family and divided between remaining family that may include distant relatives etc.
Personally So for me what they are doing is rather nasty.

OP the way you’re thinking here though is as if your sibling is going to die imminently thus leaving your young children with nothing.

Ultimately your sibling could live for another 40 years. There might not even be money to inherit, she might have to go into care when older, or in fact she might just spend it. It’s her money and her prerogative what she does with it.

She may in fact marry and her money will go to her husband when she dies, or his kids if he has any. There are so many variables when someone makes a will at a relatively young age that it’s really not worth even giving it headspace.
Your children need to forge their own path in life. Nobody should be growing up expecting an inheritance, because it’s not guaranteed.

We should never assume that one day we’ll inherit money from anywhere, as adults people are responsible for their own lives, their own earning, their own attempts to get on the property ladder, and if they inherit then it’s a bonus, but no-one has the right to anyone else’s money.

i have a family member whose child has made so many comments about their parent’s will, judging how much they’re spending on themselves because they feel they’re spending their inheritance, asking for some of their inheritance early to buy a house that kind of thing. It has caused such bad feeling that the parent ultimately snapped and has told them there won’t be an inheritance because they intend to spend it all. They might not, there might be money when they’re gone. But that is only relevant when they’re gone. Having a sense of entitlement to someone else’s money is crass and grabby.

This thread is a salutary lesson in why one should never discuss one's finances with others.
If the sister hadn't mentioned the content of her will, the OP would only have known once the sister was dead
By which time it would be too late to moan about the 'injustice of doing what she wanted with her own money' on MN

Wtf?
Executing a will isn't that diffucult unless you are chasing offshore accounts, numerous previously unknown beneficiaries to be located and several scrillion pounds of trusts/isa/etc to unwrap

@BacktoBreathe you make much of the money your DS has received from family.
Why not suggest that she returns that money to the family members before she leaves the rest to charity if she hasn't already done so?
Would you feel differently about her money choices if you were not ill?
Because at the end of the day, as with anyone, their money, their choice

Ok. So if you die (sorry) then least have husband about to care for kids

Sadly it's not up to your sister to provide for them

At least when you leave it for charity it should be regulated and used as it was intended.

Like the money Captain Tom raised 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don't believe all charities spend wisely.

@thefallen

Giving to charity is a very worthy and generous thing to do.

To some extent young children who have lost their mother to cancer could be considered as 'in need'. MN is really judgmental about this. I agree with OP as her sibling has had inheritance already.

I think you should check with your parents & explain that you are worried about the children & ask them to make sure they get anything that would go to you.

I'm not convinced that charities spend money wisely tbh so would personally keep any money in the family.

I think some posters are being quite harsh on this thread.

Given the circumstances you’ve described, OP, I can see why you feel hurt by your sibling. Obviously they’re acting within their rights, and you shouldn’t say anything to them about it. But I can understand feeling disappointed that they’re not planning to behave the way you would if the roles were reversed.

I am sorry about your illness.

Looking after them doesn't mean leaving them all of their money!

I wish you the best of health OP but YABVU. Your dc are your responsibility, and I don't consider providing a house deposit for my own dc as a 'need',so I most definitely would not have this expectation for my siblings. I'd be really horrified if my sibling expected me to leave everything to their dc.
My eldest was gifted some money from a (living) relative that was intended to be used for halls at uni. He spent it very unwisely instead and it made me rethink leaving him any significant amount after I die. At least when you leave it for charity it should be regulated and used as it was intended.

Your sister said she would take on your children if you and DH died. That is a HUGE offer and commitment for her to make. Yet you think that because she's not leaving small children all her monetary worth, she must not care about them...

"If I die before my parents then anything they have when they die will go to my sibling. And so then to charity."

Your parents must be upset and anxious about your diagnosis and future. Could you not ask them in the above scenario to leave your share to your children? Surely they would want to do this if they were planning on leaving you an inheritance?

I personally wouldn’t really think to count on a sibling’s inheritance.

I am the oldest (and wealthiest) of multiple siblings and we are all currently young enough that I am the only one with a will (I think) and none of us currently have kids. As my will currently stand, one close relative (not my parents) is meant to inherite my house, and 2 out of 4 siblings are meant to inherit my money. I have picked the siblings based on the relationship I have with them and the likelyhood they will need it most. I have purposefully left out both my parents and DB1 out of my will, and DSis1 is left out only because she is a minor and has two parents who are now providing her with a comfortable lifestyle and will be able to continue to do so since the rest of us are adults, which gives her a step up none of us have had.

Like I have said, we are all still young, and so currently it makes sense for my younger siblings to inherit, but if I was still to be alive in 15 years time (statistically likely based on my age), then I would probably edit my will and actually have the friends I am closest to inherit if I am child free, and give a token amount to nieces and nephews (if they were to exist) and a good chunk to charity (as I do care about donating to childhood cancer research).

Why will I desinherit my siblings in 15 years? Because by then they will be adults in their late 30’s and I would expect them all to be established and to fund their own lives and their children’s too if they exist. Similarly I know my siblings well enough to know I will never be part of their will, nor my kids, not for any bad reasons other that it’s not even something that would enter their mind I don’t think, nor would I have even thought to ever expect it tbh. And I wouldn’t even think to be offended either, if they chose to donate it all to charity, the pope or a dog down the road.

It’s their money, I don’t have any claim on it, and if any of my siblings started trying to claim my inheritance for their family, while I am still very much alive, I would be quick to rule them out of the will as it just seems incredibly bad taste tbh.

of course if one of my siblings had cancer and was to die, I would make sure my nieces/nephews don’t miss out on opportunities and having a comfortable life (as best as they can under the circumstances) and would help out as much as I physically and financially can while I am alive, but it doesn’t necessarily mean I would give them all of my money and put them on my will.

Fair point.

You posted about feeling sad, OP, and I get that. If you're afraid of leaving your children I can see that you'd want every sign your sister felt close to them.

But maybe she really does. And you don't know how things might change later anyway.

A practical step might be to say to your sister, thanks for the heads-up, I'm going to have a chat with mum and dad to ask what they can do to make sure my share goes to my children after me. Nobody could object to that if you're open and gentle.

There is another thing that maybe motivated your sister. You're talking as if it could be expected that your husband would leave his legacy away from your children if he remarries. He could, but it would be an awful thing to do.

Have you been talking to your sister like that? Because your post comes across as if you think she has more responsibility than him.

She may be pushing back against that. Are you in a position to ringfence anything for your children if necessary?

Hope everything goes as well as possible for you.

OP’s sister has raised this. With my sister we are close enough and open enough to discuss it.

I am executor of my childless uncles will. I know what is in it and he has talked it over with me a few times.

absolutely OP’s sister can do what she wants with her money - but she must have a reason not to leave it to family. Maybe she thinks OPs husband will get it?

i suppose some people are more open about these things than others - but the door is half way open her - the subject has been broached

Definitely talk to your parents, I find it very strange that if you died before they do that 'your' part of the inheritance would go to your sibling and not to your children.
Re the sibling, yes it's hurtful, but obviously they are allowed to give their money to charity. Hopefully not the bloody RSPCA but hopefully charities which will do good with the money and improve people's lives.

If I were them, I’d want to leave something to my briefs/nephews. Do they not have a good relationship?

if they decide not to, that’s their right. You being sad, sounds grabby