It’s an inheritance one!

I’m very sorry for your cancer diagnosis and I wish you good health and a full recovery.

I would hope my sibling would leave my children a small bequest - a piece of jewellery to remember them by, something like that - but I would actually be very proud of my sibling for giving the rest to charity.

Inherited wealth only makes the economic gaps worse with each generation. I give 20% of my income to causes I believe in, and once my children have a sufficient leg up to have a basic house deposit (the same help I received), I have charity bequests in my will too.

They know that and understand why.

I agree it's up to your sibling what they do and if it was me as you I wouldn't be bringing it up with them. But going against the grain I do think this is sad that they won't leave their nieces/ nephews anything and give it all to charity.

Op, i get you are close to your brother. Why can't you discuss it with him?

I have something, but, it’s based on income as at the point you are diagnosed as terminal (thankfully I’m not there and hope not to be at least for a long time - I might be lucky and never be). The likelihood is I’ll start struggling with working full time and have to keep reducing hours and therefore salary. I’d already like to reduce hours but we’re not in a position for me to be able to.

Don't reply if you feel im overstepping with these questions, but have you actually had a diagnosis of terminal cancer, from an oncologist? I am one and we do not tend to give that message until we are sure there is nothing more that can be done. You sound like you are near the beginning of your treatment so it's far too early to make assumptions about outcomes unless you are diagnosed at stage iv or stage iii for most cancers.
So please don't assume you are going to die.
Have you had a cancer nurse specialist assigned to you? They are there to help you navigate the system and can also get you an appt with a benefits advisor. Generally Macmillan. Cancer specific charities can also provide advice and have chat lines, as do Macmillan and CRUK.
As someone who has been there I wish you all the luck in the world and hope the outcome is that you get to meet your great grandchildren.

And that's fair enough if you can't imagine leaving money to charity instead of family, but it doesn't mean that others are wrong to do so. It's a personal choice.

Are you close with your sibling? I am very close to mine - in the event of me & husband both dying they would get custody of our children. Would they? If you are not that close so then no I don’t think you should get the money

The main reason no one should ever tell anyone they won the lottery - is that people will always have an opinion on how other people should spend the money. Usually framed by what they want for themselves. It's no one else's business. Really with a 150k inheritance expected, OP has already spent that and wants more. How can I make it right to grab sibling's wealth for DC. No I wouldn't leave it to a group of sick people or cats in outer Mongolia, so I want that cash for my own ends .... sibling's wishes and values are not as important as how I could benefit from her money ....

I can understand where op is coming from. I do have children but our will does state that if we all pass, all money goes to family. Currently 50% to DH childless sister and the rest to the nieces and nephews from my brothers. Although we have decided to change it to give a bigger proportion to the nieces and nephews as feel (if the worst were to happen), they need the money more than DH sister.

I could never imagine leaving all mu
money to charity over family I love - even more so if I had revived money via inheritance myself.

I have the good fortune to be quite wealthy. None of my family or friends know and that’s the way I want it to be until after my death. It’s sad when people go through life in second gear anticipating an inheritance in the future.

You sound rather entitled OP and maybe a little jealous that your sibling chose to have no children?

Sorry about your cancer - but your itch is majorly with your sibling and their choice of what they will do with their OWN money.. which is insane!!

You should provide for your kids future.. you had them, they are your beloved babies!! Sibling should be able to do whatever they want with their money - it belongs to them - not to you.

Your sibling owes you DC's nothing at all, think they would be around for them though should something happen to you but to expect them to give your children (who do not exactly sound as though they NEED anything) their own wealth.. is incredibly selfish and rude of you OP.

We can all sit and delegate what so and so should do with their inheritance but end of the day its not your call to make. Inheritance wouldnt be such a problem if everyone involved would just be grateful for their piece and stop watching what others get.

Quite annoying actually and it is very rude to the person that passed on.

ANYone else's money is none of your business. End of.

@GasPanic

“My view is that you should be thankful if someone leaves it to you, and not angry if they don't”

so true!

I think your concerns are very understandable given your cancer diagnosis though hope things continue to look positive on this front.
As others have said, you may feel more reassured if you have a conversation about your siblings role in raising your children if you were not around - though am unclear whether you have a partner, they have another parent who would be the primary carer in your absence.
More concerning for me would be to understand whether the potential inheritance you expect for you and your sibling would automate pass to your children if you weren’t around or would your sibling become the sole beneficiary? If the second I would be upset by their decision to exclude your children from her will.
I know this is all very upsetting for you to have to think about but maybe being clear about this is what you need to stop you feeling the injustice of this along with the injustice of your own health
Sending lots of empathy and positive vibes your way x

BacktoBreathe I am sorry for your diagnosis; hopefully that cancer, if not treatable, is extremely slow-growing.

The thing is, everybody posting here will have their views shaped on their own experiences and it's difficult not to overlay those sometimes. My family set up is a bit on the cooler side, we have never inherited anything from anybody and the expectation has never been there either. We're close in an indifferent sort of a way, there if needed.

I think your plan to speak to your parents about your share is a good idea. It would be nice to think that it won't be needed but if the provision is there then you need not think about it again, you can rest easy.

There is no gracious way to speak to your sister about her will. Any provisions that she makes in it are her own but perhaps it's not as black and white as she's indicated and provision has been made for your children? I would imagine though, will or not, should she need to step in for you as arranged, that she would be loving and caring for your children. You're close and you wouldn't have arranged this with her if that were not the case.

People can be odd about death and wills. In our small family, we're all off to direct cremation, no service, no frills.

I wish you well, for your health and for your future plans.

And some comments seem to deliberately taking things out of contact: quoting half a sentence to change the meaning is a strange thing for dimllaishebiaith to have done.

I didn't

I have checked my posts and at no point have I quoted half a sentence to change the meaning.

Oh your sibling is your brother.

i am pretty sure itsthe default UNLESS the will says - but if i die first - give it all to Sister 1.

generally - leave X to Bob - Bob dies first - that gift fails.

BUT if Bob was their child (i think grandkids also get this treatment), and dies first, then Bob's share goes to bob's kids.

You have to specify you DO NOT want that to happen, for it not to happen.

OP my Aunty predeceased her mother ( father was already dead) , and her share of the inheritance went to my aunty's children, my cousins, not my Mum ( she was my mum's sister) . Cousins were adults at the time. You need to speak to your parents about their will and how it is worded and see if this would happen for your children. I really feel for you in terms of the cancer diagnosis but I don't think you are entitled to a view on who your sister leaves her money to, regardless of any help she received in the past. I am baffled by the idea of a family pot.

I sympathise with you, OP. I know my children are not entitled to anything from my siblings but given the circumstances you described, it would definitely hurt my feelings, and it would change how I see my relationship with them.

We dont know why the sister is childfree

I would certainly hope no one was starting conversations with total strangers behind my back about who I should or shouldnt be allowed to leave my money too simply because I have a medical condition which means I cant carry a baby to full term...

Or does the compassion only extend to mothers of young children?

I just re read the email.

It's £13.04p and is a 'seasonal chicken pasta salad'

I don't disagree with any of that, ProvincialLady and yes, it wasn't the OP who was suggesting to try to get her sister disinherited by their parents, it was another poster who is absolutely lacking.

We don't know what conversations have been had or why? To me, it's very odd to speak to family members about what's in somebody's will. I would talk about mine with my husband but not with siblings. That said, OP's sister is planning to stand in to help OP's children should she die. Presumably OP's husband will also be around to bring up his children/be there for them. Maybe that's how it's come about?

I think that most posters are struck by the inequity of OP's sister being judged for giving to a charity when if she had had children of her own, this wouldn't have been an issue. I agree with that to an extent because nobody knows how much money OP's sister will have anyway, to leave to a charity or whomever else yet, OP is extremely fixated on the 'family pot'. That thinking needs to go - or a family row will be the likely result.

I've learned a lot from this thread myself; namely that big charities are perhaps not the ones to support, local is better. I have a nephew and niece, and also my own children. I wouldn't hesitate to take them in (but they're older now), but I wouldn't necessarily make provision for them in my will - they have their own parents to do that. The fact that I have children is immaterial really. I wouldn't love my nephew and niece more or less if I left them money, I give them money for birthdays/Christmas anyway.

This thread has been useful as a cautionary tale; add Will provisions to the topics not to be discussed.

Agree with you, I wonder would people speak face to face like this to a mother with young children who has a cancer diagnosis - I hope not!

YABU. We're childless and it hasn't even occurred to me that our siblings might expect us to leave money for our nieces and nephews in our wills (we haven't, we plan to spend our money while we're alive and to leave any remainder to charities close to us).