It’s an inheritance one!

OP, does your sibling know that your parents will leave everything to her in the event that you pre-decease them? Might she be assuming that your portion will automatically pass to your children?

Couldn’t agree more!

That sounds like a very odd decision by your parents. Have they told you that and said why they would choose to do that?

As for expecting your sibling to leave money to nieces and nephews, no. They can do what they like.

Yanbu. If you're a close family, and have a good relationship with your sibling then of course its hurtful that they would rather help random people or animals or whatever than help their own nieces / nephews

Lots of posts saying it depends on the degree of closeness between the children and the aunt. I notice this isn’t being addressed by the OP.

I'd be more upset with your parents tbh.

I thought it was pretty normal for parents to leave estate to grandkids in the event that a child predecessors them.

Due to a recent death in our family we've all been updating our wills and everyone did basically the same thing: equal split to kids / cascading to their kids.

FWIW I think it's pretty callous of your sibling not to factor in the fact that your kids may need a little extra help if something happens to you. I'd be hurt by that too.

I can't understand that black and white approach. Does the level of need not come into the equation at all for you?

For me, it's much more complex than that. Family does come first, but not to the exclusion of everyone else, no matter what.

Sorry but YABU. My older sister has a much higher income then me or our younger sibling. She has no partner nor kids. I'm ok, have two kids but have some assets to leave to them. Other sibling has a disabled child who will need lifelong care. Older sister has told me that she will leave everything she has to our disabled niece. Even if i had little to leave my kids I think this is the right thing.
It's not the responsibility of your sibling to ensure your children's financial needs, just as it's not the responsibility of mine. She has seen where the money is needed - for yours a charity - and that's where it's going.

It's not what I have done in my will either but I have pledged a % to a charity dear to my heart upon my death and if anyone slagged that off I would be devastated.

Then I would ask if they could return the cash you helped them out with

My knickers aren't in a twist. What a sexist put down.

Yes I understand OP is concerned for her children's future. This is probably why the sibling has let her know now, so OP can plan knowing this in mind.

The sibling is not dead but who knows what life will throw at us, that's why the will is sorted.

It's your parents that are being unreasonable. I would speak to them in your position. Explain that you're worried about their grand children's future and your share be passed on to them

I can't imagine doing that in her place. Family comes first, always.

So why not ask your parents to change their will so that your portion goes to your dc if you pre-decease them? This seems perfectly reasonable to me?

Stop getting your knickers in a twist, they are not dead! It is the OP who thinks she might die and wants someone to help her child. That is natural isn't it?

Typical Mumsnet holier than thou voting. I agree OP. If I didn't have children I would have probably left some to charity but the house would have been left to my niece and nephew. No point stressing about it but it would certainly alter my feelings to my sibling if I were you. You need to let it go though. Sorry about your illness.

I'm astonished at the entitlement on this thread, and at the suggestion from many that it's somehow morally wrong not to leave everything to family, or that not leaving money to family is somehow evidence that someone doesn't care about their relatives.

My extended family is very close and we have always done a lot to help each other. We absolutely have each other's backs, but that doesn't mean that we automatically feel entitled to each other's money.

I have caring responsibilities for an elderly aunt who never had children. She is quite wealthy. I know exactly how much money she has and what's in her will because I have lasting power of attorney for her and have dealt extensively with her bank, her solicitor etc. She will not leave any money to me in her will, or to her other nieces and nephews, and honestly, it never even occurred to me to consider this. I have no doubt that, if one of us was in financial difficulty, she would bend over backwards to help, but none of us are on the breadline, so she probably just feels that her money can be used more effectively elsewhere. I understand that...my aunt probably wants to leave her own mark on the world, and leaving a sizeable sum to a charity of her choice is a way of doing exactly that. I don't understand why a pp described that as "a waste" - of course it isn't, if you have chosen the charity carefully.

Money is just money. It doesn't in any way represent what someone means to you or how much you care, and it's a shame in my view if decisions about money become the measure of a relationship. Yes, I would absolutely family to help each other out in times of real need, but not to feel obliged to leave money to people who are already well provided for. Family bonds are surely about so much more than this?

OP, it sounds to me as if your dsis feels that your own dc will be reasonably well taken care of. Perhaps she assumes that you have life insurance in place and that your parents will leave anything that would have passed to you to your kids if you're not around. If you're concerned that this isn't the case and that they will genuinely struggle financially - especially if something happens to you - then share those worries with your dsis, by all means. I very much doubt that she'll want to see them go without, but if she thinks that they're already adequately provided for, then it's not unreasonable for her to want to pass on her money in a way that will really make a difference... that's part of her own personal legacy and the difference that her life will have made to the world.

You don't sound upset with your parents for not leaving what would otherwise be your share of inheritance to your child.

Maybe the sibling is anticipating they may need to care for OP's child?

Maybe the sibling interprets "pay it forward’ to the younger generation" as being wider than OP's child - allowing other children who wouldn't otherwise benefit from intergenerational wealth to get a start in life.