It’s an inheritance one!

You are being very unreasonable. It is not the job of your sibling to provide for your child.

It is their money to do as they chose with.

It wouldn’t cross my mind to leave any of my money to nieces or nephews nor would I expect my DC to receive any from my siblings one of whom is childless. She can leave it to the cats home for all I care.

My DC is my responsibility not someone else’s.

It's more that sibling was happy to share family money when it was going to them but even though the OP may be dying the sibling has no compunction to behave in the same family focussed way giving forward.

The sibling isn't dying. The OP may be. There is no impending death if the sibling that you seem so fraught about

I think it depends on the finances of the families. If you had two high-flying well-off parents it would seem silly to get annoyed about a sibling leaving money to charity.

I'm your sister in this situation. We have a sister on both sides and a niece and nephew on both sides. Our sisters and their husbands are fairly normal earners. They own average houses with mortgages but don't have the kind of money that could give their children a head-start. We're in a similar position but without the expense of children so have a slightly bigger house and, I suspect, more savings. If we both died tomorrow our estate would be work around £600k with equity, savings and life insurance (most of this amount being insurance paying off our sizeable mortgage). It would feel cruel leaving our money to a charity when it could have a massive impact for our siblings. Our wills leave everything to sibling, if either predecease us it goes to their husband (the children are young) and then to nieces and nephews. The split remains 50:50 between the two sides regardless of who is and isn't here.

my DSis and I have had a similar conversation with DM. Her will was written when DSis still lived at home. The will states that if either DSis or I die before DM the remaining living DD gets the others share effectively cutting out GC on one side or the other.
In the end we decided it wasn’t worth the hassle and £ to change the will. DSis and I are very close and wouldn’t screw each other over.

OP is asking people to vote on what they feel about inheritance not her particular situation - well that's how they worded it. I don't feel I have any rights over other family members inheritance. We are leaving everything to our DC but that is our choice. I have seen some pretty grubby and entitled attitudes to inheritance by families of very elderly or deceased people.

Your hypothetical decision Ginger to leave some money to charity really falls under the YABU vote. You are choosing not to pass everything down the family line.

Of course it would be kind for the OP's sister to leave something for her DC under the circumstances but there's not a lot she can do about it other than bring it up which would probably be awkward. I would be having a conversation with the GPs though.

Tru
But she is clearly saying her nephew /niece isn't someone dhs she cares about.

50/50 charity /child would be fine.

I can't believe all the "YABU" answers. Your sibling is family, presumably they know about your cancer diagnosis. Why on earth wouldn't they want to help their nieces/nephews in the event of their death? Are we really so utterly individualistic as a culture we've lost the concept of mutual responsibility, duty and caring for one another?

DB has one child, I am childless. We both inherited equally when DM died. DB has specifically told us - DH and I - that we don’t need to leave DN anything, that they will be very well provided for when the time comes. DB and his DP have always earned way more than me. Of course if there is anything left over, taking into account possible care needs etc, DN will get it.

OP I am sorry about your cancer diagnosis but you are being a bit entitled as far as your sibling’s money is concerned.

But surely if you were in your sisters position you'd feel the same?

There are two different things here. Would your sibling take on your children and do what they can to support them financially if you die prematurely? Or will they leave their money to them.

My sister is wealthy and has no children and I would guess she will leave a significant proportion of any money she has to charity, though I hadn’t really thought about it until now. I wouldn’t expect her to leave anything to my children and I would imagine if she did it would be for a specific purpose. However, I think if I died suddenly she would absolutely step in to help support them if that were necessary. It’s a different thing to support your nieces and nephews whilst alive and if they have lost their parent, than leaving money to them after you die.

You can’t expect either but the first is a sensible conversation to have under the circumstances.

Simply put regardless of what came from where.
It is the testators choice at every level.
So someone gets money left to them, it is their choice what they do with it. Honestly, it is as simple as that.

I don’t think YABU at all, OP, but it’s ’the law’ on MN that anyone who dares to expect any inheritance, even from their own parents, is ‘grabby’.

Particularly since your sister had herself benefited from an inheritance, IMO she ought to pass at least some of what she’s got down the line. Especially since she must surely be aware how much harder it is for young people nowadays re housing costs - both buying and renting.

Firstly why are you assuming that your children will never be able to buy an house? You are writing your children off before (I assume) they are even adults.

I don’t have children, but I have a lot in assets. I find it quite irritating that my sibling makes it very clear that she expects her child to benefit from my death.

I would be thinking the same as you op. If your sibling is your kids guardian but wants to leave all their money to charity, I'd be seriously considering how in tune with my kids they are and how much they are considering what guardianship means. Its not the money, its the care behind it I'd worry about.

Maybe there's a silver lining here. Maybe its time to question whether your sibling would be the best guardian for your kids. Blood isn't always thicker than water.

That very much depends on the charity. If I were to plan a huge bequest to a charity rather than family, I'd be taking a long hard look at the accounts and general standing of all the potential recipients.

We asked for the wording in our wills to be changed so that if DB or BIL died before us that any money that would have gone to him would go to his children. The default wording was that if a sibling died before us their share would be split between the other siblings which surprised me.

We have our own DC now but before we had them our money was to be split between our siblings and cousins. DDad inherited money from various childfree aunts and uncles. I think it's fairly standard.

@BacktoBreathe I don't think there's anything you can or should do about your sibling but it might be worth talking to your parents about their will and discussing the possibility of you dying before them due to your cancer diagnosis. Say that if that happened you'd want your children to inherit your share from their grandparents, say you're happy for it to be put in trust so your DH won't have access. Do your parents know your sibling is giving everything to charity? Might be worth dropping into the conversation 'of course, my sibling can do what they want with their own money but are you happy for them to do that with all your money?' Suspect your parents haven't considered you dying first rather than it being a deliberate choice to disinherit their grandchildren. Seems very unfair for grandchildren to have lost their mother then lose out on an inheritance fromthatside of the family as well.

I heavily disagree with your focus about family money and how your sibling has got more help - it sounds like you’re clutching at straws and that’s all irrelevant.

However, I do believe leaving everything to charity, unless that charity has a significant meaning to your sibling, is weird. Yes the end user of charity may benefit but realistically that money will go on the CEO, the staff and keeping buildings going. I’ve worked with many charities and it’s a reason I refuse to give money to many of them. The smaller ones are much better though. If I had a choice between random charity and a family member, I’d always choose family. I find it weird if someone wouldn’t unless there’s a backstory.

So I think YANBU to feel upset but I don’t agree with how you’ve framed it.

I do think that, morally, if she inherits everything from your parents, she should at least pass on "your share" to your kids. However, I also think that your parents should pre-empt this by changing their wills to ensure that your share passes directly to your kids. Do your parents know that your dsis plans to leave everything to charity? I think this is the issue that you need to address first.

Surely if your parents have divided their estate between you and your sister in their will. If you predecease them your share will go to your kids. At least that's my understanding.

Giving to charity is a very worthy and generous thing to do.

Your sister is probably thinking she’s going a lovely thing, by helping those in need, and maybe think that by doing this, she is repaying kindness shown to her.

How old is your sibling? Because I was in my 50s when the last of my aunts and uncles died. How old are your children likely to be by the time your sibling might die? It's a very weird subject to be thinking about because, as a fully independent adult, it would never have crossed my mind that I would inherit anything from an aunt or uncle.