It’s an inheritance one!

50/50 would be ‘fine’, would it? How magnanimous of you to decree that about how someone else decides to bequeath their assets.

Personally I don’t understand people who wouldn’t leave (most of) their estate to a younger generation of loved relatives. Especially where they themselves have inherited it. Unless of course there is already a huge amount of wealth.

Is your sibling actually writing a will? Or just blethering?

I will never cease to be amazed by the sense of entitlement some have to other people’s money.

I’m in the position that I’m quite well off, and am childfree. I have several nieces and nephews, all adults, with varying degrees of relationships, some I’m very close to, others I rarely see or have any contact with. One of my siblings has been quite vocal about the fact that they think I should be giving large financial gifts to all the niblings annually (well, they say all but I know they really mean their DC 🙄) and also that they assume I’ve allocated an equal split between all niblings in my will. Nothing could be further from the truth! I have bequeathed substantial portions of my estate to two small local charities that are very dear to me and have bequeathed to those niblings with whom I have a close relationship. I have no intention of leaving my hard-earned money to people I rarely see and don’t particularly like, simply because they’re faaaaaaaamily.

Same here (& I hate awkward conversations!)

If your parents reply, oh but everything sister gets will go to niece/nephew, I think you'll have to have to awkward conversation. It's better to have some awkwardness, than for your children to lose their inheritance.

That's a really good point.

Leaving everything to charity is fair enough if you have no dependents I guess, but leaving a percentage to charity (rather than a fixed amount) can cause huge problems for the other beneficiaries because it is the duty of the charity trustees to be absolutely ruthless in maximising value of their inheritance rather than being sympathetic and flexible about things like family jewellery.

If I were close to my sibling, I'd be hurt and upset that they were actively choosing not to help their nephews/nieces, particularly in these circumstances. I think you're not unreasonable to be upset but you can't change anything. Ask your parents to ensure, if this is their wish, that your children are provided for in their will (and casaully mention your sisters intentions too if you think they might consider it relevant).

My DM’s will states that if either me or DSis pass before her then the living sibling will inherit everything. The will was written many years ago when DSis still lived at home and had no DC’s. I did point out to her that her will would exclude GC’s from one side if one of us were to die before her! This isn’t what she wants and was prepared to change her will but as a family we decided it wasn’t worth it as DSis and I are close and wouldn’t screw over the others DC’s.

Might get hit by a bus tomorrow

I wouldn't find this awkward, your siblings inheritance/will is separate, what you want to speak to your parents about is what would happen to any inheritance they would have left to you in the event you predecease them. It's what would come to them through you otherwise, and you should consider whether your own will needs updating to reflect your health changes. Any share that would otherwise go to your sibling is irrelevant. I'm sorry to hear about your cancer, it must be a very difficult time.

OP, I'm sorry to hear about your cancer.

As for the inheritance though, think of it like this - unless your sibling already has health problems, it is quite possible they will live into their 80s, or even older, at which point your DC would be, what, 60? Inheriting your sibling's money at that point is too late to set them up in life, or help them buy a house.

I do think that rather than all your parents' money going to your sibling if you predecease them, your share should pass down to your child.

The reason why this can raise problems is that charities can be very forceful in claiming their share of legacies very quickly, making it difficult for the executors/ inheritors to find the money immediately if e.g. the estate is tied up in property.

I agree that it’s important to give to charity if you can, which is why I’m doing it during my lifetime.

Nasty post.

Your parents' wills are much more worrying than your sibling's, given your state of health, and I think that you have the right to talk to them about it in order to safeguard your children's future.

However, it's possible that you've misinterpreted the situation. In most cases under English law, if a parent leaves their estate shared between their children, then if one child dies before the parent, leaving grandchildren, then the grandchildren will inherit the deceased child's share, even if that's not what the will explicitly says. It's a specific piece of legislation (Section 33 of the Wills Act), because in 99% of these tragic situations that's the right thing to do. It depends on the precise wording of the will though, so do check with your parents.

Setting aside the heart-string pulling bit (sorry you have cancer OP, but that really isn't relevant) then this takes entitlement to a whole new level. Now not only must parents ensure that they pop their clogs before blowing all the kids inheritance on care homes and other ridiculously expensive luxuries, but siblings must ensure that they make adequate provision for their nieces and nephews.

It's all very transactional, isn't it? Keep a tally book of who has had what over their lifetime, then ensure they pay back an appropriate amount to justify their existence. So said love is what binds a family. Around here it seems to be cash in the bank.

My DM died when I was very young.

Her parents left their estate to their remaining DC (my aunts and uncles).

One of them told me at the time that there is a provision in his will for me (although I expect most will go to his own DC). The other aunts and uncle haven't mentioned anything and I've no expectation that they'll include me in their will. In fact, it's never crossed my mind whether they will or won't.

Losing my mum so young has made me fiercely independent. I had a different upbringing than my cousins, with far less love than they enjoyed. But, at the end of the day, it's made me who I am and I'm proud of what I've achieved.

My DH and I rowed when making our wills. He firmly believes every £ should be left to our DC. I made a provision for a proportion to go to charity in mine. It's important to me that my advantage benefits more than just my own family.

The underlying issues here seem to be that 1) you have understandable fears about what will happen to your children if you die , and 2) you had notions about the closeness between your family and your sibling which your sibling does not reciprocate.

You can’t do anything about your sibling’s will. It’s hypocritical of him/her to accept financial help from family and then not consider the needs of other family members, but you can’t force his/her hand.

You should speak with your parents to explain that you are trying to plan for your children’s future in case you die before they reach adulthood, and ask whether they are mentioned in their will (usually your share would go to your children if you predecease your parents, so you need clarity on what’s been written).

You also need to speak with a solicitor about setting up trusts for your children from your share of property/ money , because there’s every chance that your husband will remarry and his new wife will inherit everything from him.

That seems weird OP standard in most Wills would be for your children to inherit- i would definitely ask your parents about changing this

This is quite unusual. Your inheritance share normally passes to the children in a typical will set up if you predecease your parents. Perhaps your parents haven’t rewritten their wills since you had children? If they died intestate, inheritance rules would give your children your ‘half share’ between them.

Its your Sisters money ,but yes I would feel a bit put out that they wont even be giving them anything at all. Its difficult to say anything obv .However it is your DS money to do with as she thinks fit

This is the easiest bit to try to resolve. Explain to your parents the impact of you dying before your sister - ask if they want to ensure that their grandchildren are protected that their will is changed so that if you die then your inheritance from Your parents would go to your children.

I mean you're obviously U as it's their money and choice, and would be very U to raise it with your sibling. But I also understand how you feel. I am childfree by choice and am likely to die before any of my siblings due to a life limiting illness. I'm married but my DH has an HA flat which we live in and are happy in so he has no need of money for a house purchase etc. As it stands he gets my pension and any savings, then my life insurance (a not insignificant amount - £1m) is split four ways - between DH and my three siblings, or if they die before me, their kids. I want to see my siblings and their kids set up in life (sibs all in low paid jobs) as well as DH have a decent amount.

I personally can't imagine giving it away to charity when there is a clear need amongst family members who I love and care about.

So sorry you're unwell, OP, but I think what your sister does with her money is her choice, and it's entirely understandable that she wants it to be used to help others after her death. She's been decent to tell you, so that you can factor this in to your own inheritance planning.

Rather than be angry with her, you'd do better to have a chat with your DPs about their will, in the hope that they specify that your "share" of their estate goes to your children should you pre-decease them.

Well, that depends a lot on the financial set-up of the charity. Many get involved in dodgy things they shouldn't, and pay an awful lot for their own staff and overheads. It also depends on the financial situation of your own family, which from OP's post sounds far from ideal. Giving a donation regularly to charity while you're still alive is a good thing, making a gift in your will is good, but leaving the whole thing to the worthy but unknown 'end users' instead of your own loved ones who may be struggling, is not my idea of mutual responsibility and caring. I'd describe it as uncaring actually.

I don’t think YABU to feel how you feel. It seems like it is tied up with you’re worry around your cancer and your children’s future.
I think it is strange that if you die your ‘share’ of your parents estate goes to your sister and not your children. Can you share your concerns with your parents and ask them whether they would consider changing this?

I've got my parents' wills here, so have just checked their provisions. If I die before my sibling, my share goes to my children equally. Are you sure this isn't the default position for wills for most people?