Reason my DS has learning difficulties

That is interesting. It seems like depending on where you are on the spectrum though, you would feel differently.

If you are high functioning I would think you'd see it less like a disease to be cured.

If you are caring for your child who is nonverbal, unable to care for themselves, and may need to go into care I would imagine you'd give anything for a cure.

Please do not promote anything that Autism Speaks stands for. It is very much disliked amongst the autistic community.

Autism Speaks is a very controversial organisation - it frames autism as a disease that needs to be cured. Google articles written about them. If you are autistic, you are born autistic. You do not develop or catch autism.

Research is ongoing. Here’s some of what we know so far:

https://www.autismspeaks.org/what-causes-autism

OP you might think knowing why helps but really it doesn't help. My Foster son has moderate to severe learning disabilities, global developmental delay, some autistic traits, and FAS. The FAS is almost certainly responsible for the rest. That's what his consultant told us. Knowing why he has lifelong learning disabilities and is unlikely to ever be capable of looking after himself is heartbreaking. All we can do is try to work with what he has. Constant repetition for basic tasks or little rhymes to help him remember things seem to help. He has what his consultant calls significant memory deficit. Basically he forgets things if not constantly repeated and discussed with him. Actions can also make a muscle memory. I've been trying to teach him to cook 2 basic meals. He is a late teen. If we cook the same meal repeatedly maybe 3 times a week over 2 or 3 weeks he has some memory of what to do. If I don't cook this same meal with him for a week or 10 days he's completely lost what to do. I feel like we go round and round in circles doing this 'over learning'. Sometimes I wonder if it's even worth it. Same with reading. He knows some words providing we go over them every couple of days. If I try to introduce more than 1 new word every couple of weeks he just forgets a couple of the old ones he previously knew. I can't even feel angry at his Mother who drank all this alcohol and took all these drugs because she's dead from an overdose. He'll pay the price for what she did for the rest of his life. Sometimes knowing actually makes it worse. If I thought it was just random bad luck/chance, somehow it wouldn't be so bad but somehow knowing someone else's actions and choices caused it makes it far, far worse. In your case it is likely just random/chance or gene mutations.

He may have autism with learning difficulties which are related, he could have two separate conditions, he could have a condition that causes learning difficulties which includes autistic traits. Whichever it is it's nothing you have done and it isn't something a dr can give you the answer you want, who knows or similar is being honest. Spontaneous mutation to cause a genetic condition is definitely possible

My dd was non verbal at 3, nobody could tell me her prognosis ... speech did kick in so she copes in our world pretty well, definitely autistic but not the severity that was mooted aged 3.

https://www.lanc.org.uk/related-conditions/autistic-spectrum-difficulties-asd-adhd/

I do know that autism can be comorbid with other diagnosis.

My children are 25 and 21. Eldest very bright and we strongly suspect she has autism. Second daughter everything about her development and early years different. So I was shocked when she was diagnosed with Global Developmental Delay. However she does not have autism. I pushed for an assessment and the doctor who was the gatekeeper to full investigation said absolutely no autism.

I have questioned why so many times, there are no answers. Was it because we were in a car accident at 23 weeks gestation? Was it because DH fell asleep with her and she fell down the crack of the sofa as a new born? Was it because of the severe chicken pox she contracted at 16 weeks which started our journey with paediatrics. We had genetic testing , she has inherited one mutation from us both and one she has created all by herself, extra copy of a gene on chromosome 11 but this does not explain her intellectual disability.

DD2 slipped through the net. Didn’t get an EHCP until her mental health declined. She spent time in an adolescent psychiatric unit at 15. Very tough at the time but the teacher at that unit helped get her the EHCP she needed to get into special school. She has never taken any exam. Has zero qualifications. However after SEND school she went on to extended learning and then onto supported internship. This gave her work experience and she applied for another job and has been in paid work for a year now..

OP fight with everything you have to get an ECHP. It really opens doors. Don’t let your child struggle in mainstream school if they start showing signs of not coping. They mask for so long then burn out. We even had a period of home education until we got the SEND place..

autism is often genetic, occasionally related to being an older parent I’ve heard. I know a few highflying parents with autistic traits (investors, mathematicians, consultants, business leaders). They have had high flying academic children similar to themselves and also a child with learning disability and autism combination. To me (and I could easily be wrong) it’s like the flip side of the same coin, with autism manifesting in a different way. I’ve always assumed that the gene which makes a person excel academically can also make a person have learning disabilities … but who knows?!

Sometimes there's no obvious reason to why someone has learning difficulties and the cause can remain unknown.

There's nothing you did or didn't do that caused it.

My son sounds very similar to yours but he's a lot younger and has a genetic condition and most likely autism ( on the pathway) he is non verbal and cannot talk. The genetic condition came from his father (we found this out after both children were born).

We don't know if my daughter has the same genetic condition but at 15 months she can talk (not fully) but says a lot more than my son, is nearly walking and has amazing social communication skills.

Both my pregnancies were the same and both children have been raised the same.

It's nothing you did. You don't cause autism by doing something wrong. It's like any genetic condition - sometimes it just happens.

My eldest DD has autism and ADHD. She's struggling massively at the moment with education and socially.

My youngest DD is neurotypical and finds school easy and has good social skills.

I know it's easy to dwell on things and analyse what happened during your pregnancy and birth etc but when it comes down to it, it's just the luck of the draw really.

I hope your son gets the support he needs. Do you have support too as a parent of a SEN child?