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Original poster

Should I leave?

31 replies

Hubhubba26 · 16/02/2024 11:40

2 years ago my partner and DS relocated from a city to a village in the South, to be closer to my partners hobby and father. Its been a struggle to meet people and I have this constant feeling of not quite fitting in. My 5 year old son, usually social and outgoing, but quirky in his own way, also seems to be struggling to make friends. There is an air of differences being basically not welcome. Every day I ask myself why I agreed to this move and either I could turn back the clock. I do feel as I though we were basically bulldozed into this position.

I basically don't know what to do. Should I preserver or get out and move somewhere more open minded before this affects the 2 of us further? Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

OP posts:
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Wallywobbles · 16/02/2024 15:39

@RawBloomers this is wise advice.

RawBloomers · 16/02/2024 15:31

I’ve moved a fair bit, OP. I think it takes at least three years to settle into a new place - that’s if you work or have some other immediate “network”. And it’s normally harder with children.

I’m not promising you’ll like it, but I don’t think 2 years is giving it a proper go.

You say you’re looking for work - will that be limited because of needing to work around childcare? I think you’ll have more success fitting in if you can fully put yourself into something that you are interested in. So if your DH has work and his hobby (and family?) here I think you need to push for him to do more of the picking up the slack/default parenting/working around DS while you really push yourself forward in some way outside the home.

YoBeaches · 16/02/2024 15:22

Have a look around what is outside of your immediate village. Different clubs for you and or ds, plus work opportunities to meet other people.

You only need one friend for things to feel better. Have you made any mum friends yet through school? Could you get involved with the PTA?

What other things have you tried so far?

When you say diversity can you be more specific, are you feeling racial exclusion?

wutheringkites · 16/02/2024 14:18

How far away would you be looking to move?

C00k · 16/02/2024 13:59

Are you financially dependent on your boyfriend? It sounds like he won’t be moving, so your options seem to be stay, or move as a lone parent and transport your kid to his father for his contact time.

Original poster
Hubhubba26 · 16/02/2024 13:52

@Firstnews24 see my reply to @YoBeaches 👆

OP posts:
Barrenfieldoffucks · 16/02/2024 13:51

It can take time to settle, perhaps give it longer? May be easier when child starts school.

Original poster
Hubhubba26 · 16/02/2024 13:50

@Mamoun no I wouldnt. We'd have to discuss and work it through.

Glad your 2nd is now doing well x

OP posts:
Firstnews24 · 16/02/2024 13:49

Hubhubba26 · 16/02/2024 13:40

@Firstnews24 true. But do I want to raise my son in this environment

n ed more detail about the environment!

Mamoun · 16/02/2024 13:46

So you'd be happy to leave your husband for a move? It sounds like you're using the move as an excuse.
We've moved to a village and I am a city girl through and through but I would rather be with my dh and try and make it work in an environment that's not mine than be without him. My second child had difficulties adapting to school but we persevered and now she's happy.

Original poster
Hubhubba26 · 16/02/2024 13:40

@Firstnews24 true. But do I want to raise my son in this environment

OP posts:
Firstnews24 · 16/02/2024 13:38

that will play a big part in your isolation and boredom

Original poster
Hubhubba26 · 16/02/2024 13:34

@Firstnews24 looking right now. I totally understand why you would ask.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hubhubba26 · 16/02/2024 13:32

@ButWhatAboutTheBees I don't know. But I would say no as his school are pretty hot on kindness and stamping out bullying.

OP posts:
Firstnews24 · 16/02/2024 13:11

do you work op?

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 16/02/2024 13:10

Is your son being bullied or having prejudice based abuse?

Original poster
Hubhubba26 · 16/02/2024 12:56

@YoBeaches the lack of diversity and culture I was expecting, but I wasn't expecting to miss it as much as I have. I was hoping that this lack would be compensated by friendly mums and locals. It's actually turned out to be the opposite. There's a general feeling of a lack of positive energy and I've twice been warned by locals that "gossip is rife". We had a tricky time with my sons nursery (the only one in the village) to the point where I felt no other option than to sensitively raise as a confidential issue with the chair. Gradually all the nursery workers have stopped speaking to me including some of the mums.

I could go on...

I bet you're sorry you asked @YoBeaches 😆

Some days I can put on a brave face. On others it gets me down.

OP posts:
YoBeaches · 16/02/2024 12:31

Are you able to articulate what it is about where you are living that you don't like?

blooblom · 16/02/2024 12:18

So you already discussed about being in happy before you moved and the possibility of coming back etc? Do you think you've not put much effort in to be happy because in the back of your mind you had that to fall back on? I don't mean that to sound harsh, it's something I myself did.
Do you work? Do you have any social life where you currently live? Any friends? What do you mean by 'differences being basically not welcome'? What kind of differences? You or your sons?

Original poster
Hubhubba26 · 16/02/2024 12:15

@HelloMiss hopefully not

OP posts:
HippyCritical · 16/02/2024 12:09

What's the alternative, sit around hoping for him to change his mind while becoming more unhappy yourself? FTS. Does everything always seem to go his way by any chance?

HelloMiss · 16/02/2024 12:08

You will be splitting up then?

Would your partner go for residency? He's in a strong position with ds being in school

DustyLee123 · 16/02/2024 12:06

Would you be prepared to leave DH to move?

DustyLee123 · 16/02/2024 12:06

Hubhubba26 · 16/02/2024 11:49

Thank you @DustyLee123 I guess I'm just concerned as my son has just started school. But then I'm guessing he'd be happier if I was too?

Edited

He’s going to be in education for many years, don’t get trapped where you don’t want to be.

Firstnews24 · 16/02/2024 12:05

so it sounds like the issue is a bit more than just location

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