It's a long post but need to give the background!
DH and I have been married 10 years this year, we have two DC ages 8 and 6. We met and lived in London until I fell pregnant and decided to move to either near my family, or near my in-laws. We chose my in-laws because it's a nicer area and DH was keen to come back here. Both sets of parents are approx 150 miles from London but in different directions, so it means I'm not close to my own family at all.
MIL has always been nice enough to my face but we've never been best friends, we wouldn't ever do anything just the two of us. She's never said anything until recently but I could always tell she thought I wasn't good enough for her son - that no-one would be. She's just one of those types!
She said to me when first DC was born that she's not the maternal type, she isn't a hands-on grandmother. Fine by me, I'm not the sort to want others around all the time anyway, although appreciate that children benefit from a grandparent relationship.
I was a SAHM for 7 years until both DC were at school so didn't need regular childcare; MIL would babysit every so often when DH and I went out but she always had to be asked, she would never offer. DC didn't like going there, they basically sat on tablets/phones the whole time with the occasional trip to the park. MIL wouldn't even think about taking them for a day out to the zoo or anything like that.
Then a year ago I got a term time job, 3 days a week, and we asked if she would do school pick up for 2 of those days each week and bring them home and stay with them until I'm home from work, so about 1.5 hours each day. She was happy to do it - great, it could improve their relationship, I thought!
Fast forward to just before last Christmas. MIL was upset about something trivial, she is a bit of a drama queen and gets upset like a toddler does. She said some things to DH about me, who in turn told me, and I said we need to all have a conversation the next day and get it all out in the open. I'm not a confrontational person at all, I hate it, but things needed to be said. So the next day comes and the three of us have a 45 minute long frank discussion - calmly, no raised voices - where she tells me that no one is good enough for her son, or her daughter (her daughter has been married for longer than us and has three children, the oldest being 8 years older than our eldest. She has always looked after them a lot but it's always the same with them in that they go to her house, she'll never take them out anywhere or do anything fun with them), she finds me unapproachable, we have nothing in common, and that I took her son away from her when we got married. (Bear in mind that he lived 150 miles away from her before we married, and now we live 3 miles away because we chose to come back here to start our family!! So as far as I'm concerned I actually brought him back to her.)
But what bothered me the most was when she said she doesn't care about anything or anyone in her life except DH and his sister...she doesn't care about her husband (not DH's dad), her elderly mum who is ill, her brother. Then she said "I love all my grandchildren but I wouldn't care if I never see any of them again."
Well. That's it. I didn't even really react at the time because I was dumbfounded! DH told her to stop talking then because she is burning bridges. She left.
DH apologised for his mum, he knows she's useless and has had many an argument with her over the years about how little she sees us and the kids. He said if I ever want to have it out with her and have a bitchy screaming match he will totally be on my side (not my style though!)
But ever since then you wouldn't even know she'd said all that, she's completely normal around me, texts me when she needs to and uses blowing kiss emojis etc, she's perfectly nice to my face. As far as I'm concerned I don't want her around us anymore, unfortunately unless we put DC in the after school club three days a week which is quite expensive, we need her. So I am civil to her, but I don't ask how she is and what she's been up to, like I used to. I won't go round to hers if I can possibly help it, DH can go and take the kids if he likes but I won't go. I don't want the whole thing brushed under the carpet because she said hurtful things (I don't really care what she thinks of me, it's the comment about my DC I don't like) but I don't know how to act around her. AIBU in not letting go in this way or should I just forget it and move on?