Work bestie borderline harassing me

With kindness, OP, you are overthinking this. It really doesn't matter if she sees that you've blocked her. It really doesn't. Do you think anyone is going to believe her version of events with her track record? Furthermore, does it matter? No. It's an essential skill to learn to be able to separate your own actions and boundaries from the "what ifs" around what the other person might do. Blocking her and putting her out of your mind will be a fantastic life lesson and learning experience for you, and stand you in good stead.

@roofusdoofus

As far as moving to Aus, I have a feeling that cat's already out the bag. I think your work probably already knows about it, even if they haven't said anything. You told her, she told 'work friends' in your current workplace, who knows who they've told and how likely is it that someone hasn't spilt the beans?

Since you haven't told them personally, they probably can't ask you directly and may be treating it as gossip.

You need to very firmly disabuse her of the notion that you are her friend. You have already told her not to send you these messages so I agree you need to block her, not respond to anything more and consider reporting her if she harasses you further. Let her do her 'worst' - most other people will probably have the measure of her.

No more mixed messages. It is hard when you want to be kind to people but she is not a person you can afford to be kind to. You don't even like her, and in the long run you are actually not being kind at all if you do not give her a clear message that you are not her friend.

You have received very good advice, OP, implementing it will ultimately work even though she will take a while to get the message.

There is an invisible click running with these kinds of people. It resets every time you let them contact you or respond to a contact. You absolutely have to go radio silent and ignore all contact. She will ramp up (google “extinction burst”) but eventually give up.

If you run into her again (not that you have the brass to do this) don’t play nice or act like this is a conventional relationship. Be brutal and abrupt and if you have the courage be overtly cruel. She will only stop hassling you when the very thought of your name makes her shudder.

I few for both of you… I wouldn’t worry. It will faze as she will need to sort out other work and find someone new. You do need to be cruel to be kind. Maybe next text is blunt as in I’m sorry but I’m so busy and it’s a conflict of interest messaging you while at work I’m so busy I can’t be on my phone all day everyday now. Let me message you when I get a chance. Worryingly I would also advise people around you, that this has been happening I’m sure they know anyway what she’s like. She could be dangerous. I had flash back of DA relationship reading your story like the love bombing. Thank god you’re going away. I wouldn’t worry as if she mentions anything it will be “her being her” and then also maybe comment oh could I do that I wonder? Laugh it off. The energy you have had drained from this person is too much. Sending love and strength of a normal kind.

I had a similar situation and it didn't end well. He tried to isolate me from everybody in the office. He was a compulsive liar and a total slacker in work. He told everybody I was his work wife, always tagging me on social media posts, constantly had a camera in my face on nights out. I was 10 years older, married and with three kids. It came to a head when I had major, life threatening surgery and he text me wanting to know when I would be back so he could do the roster. I contacted our manager. I never returned to the job but he contacted me on instagram and said I had got him sacked and I had dragged his name through the mud. I did no such thing. I deleted all social media and changed my number. Tip of the iceberg.

Just block her. People like her are dangerous.

Just block her, honestly. You're way overthinking this.

You sound like one of them that moans about her but actually loves the drama and attention of being wanted by someone

I imagine the relief when she said she was leaving was overwhelming! Now shes gone, block her on everything. Feel sorry for those still in contact (as they will be envious of you) and not give two fucks about what she says about you. Dont open the front door to strangers over the next year or so and ta da she will be harrassing her new bestie! 😆

Maybe to make sure she was actually leaving 😆

Does this sound like your "friend"?

1. Considering relationships to be more intimate than they actually are. (tells people you're besties)
2. Constantly seeking attention (how many socials does she harass you on..?)
3. Displaying dramatic and theatrical behaviour with exaggerated emotion
4. Being uncomfortable in situations where they are not the centre of attention....

If so, then you're dealing with someone with Histrionic Personality Disorder. I had a similar experience with someone like this and couldn't stand to be around them anymore. As soon as I started to distance myself the smear campaign started. She talked about me behind my back to mutual friends, started rumours, and when I didn't react to it she sent big dramatic messages on different socials, obviously trying to get a reaction. Blocked her straight away without responding, so she put up a public post about "cowards and fake friends".

I did the one thing that drives these people mad. I ignored it, ghosted her, and moved on with my life :) I'm sure she's found someone else to befriend and manipulate, but thankfully it's not me.

The only way to get rid of people like that is to be rude. It's difficult but it works. I had a woman in the neighborhood latch onto me like this and started showing up at my home everyday. I finally had to say "I'm sorry but we are not friends, I don't like you and you cannot come to my home anymore". I quickly shut the door after saying it so I didn't let guilt get the better of me and change my mind. She never bothered me again. They're like stray cats, if you don't go at them with the broom they'll think it's ok to keep coming back

I'm still not seeing any reason in any of your follow up posts why you can't block her. So what if she tells your boss about Australia? Deny it. It's gossip.

Surely the Australia thing is a total red herring. People's plans change all the time. If your work were to tackle you about this (itself quite far-fetched, I feel) you just have some rebuttal lines in place. Unfortunately, a close relative is gravely ill and you need to be here to support your parents; your Oz plans have been put on ice for the foreseeable.

You have a new job and [tinkly laugh] you are now keener to build a UK career. Oz not the attraction it was.

You have a new DP...want to see how that goes, so everything postponed.

All of these perfectly valid. But it isn't your employer's business.

If she does tell your work about you moving away, (which would be a whole new level of weirdness from her tbh), they'd be quite unprofessional to act on it. She's a not well liked, former employee. Her spreading gossip she heard in passing from your aunt on the street is not grounds for your dismissal. You don't need to be as cautious as you are being about her. She hasn't got any power over you. You are people pleasing as you don't like confrontation but it is just making things worse (eg responding to her wanting to go for a walk with a 👍). Just say "sorry I can't meet up this weekend" if you insist on responding. You don't have to explain a thing either. Just ignore her if she starts going on. She'll get the message.

Whatever you do she will be the victim. She does it to everyone else. Why wouldn’t she do it to you?

just block and delete her from the apps. If you want to send her a WhatsApp explain gong that you are trying to reduce phone time so you will tepsond when you are available.

she will move onto the next one x x d

@roofusdoofus I hate to break it to you but the probationary period ending makes no difference. Until you've been with a company for 2 years, you have no legal rights. Obviously signing a contract may give you certain company entitlements but it won’t stop them from letting you go if they feel like it

Putting the harassment aside for a sec, I'm not defending that at all. But why on earth did you go to the goodbye drinks when you clearly can’t stand the woman and evidently haven't since very early on. You not going would've communicated enough to solve the harassment issue quite promptly I think...

Your true friends know the real you. Just block her on everything.

I am much older now but almost exactly the same thing happened to me at your age. No social media as such then so not the same impact but I just completely went silent - no calls answered, no begging messages replied to. She sent gifts and all sorts. I gave e then to charity show - didnt even try to return them to her. Totally mad.

In the end she moved on to someone new. She spent the next decade (we still worked in the same industry) telling people she had no idea what she'd done to upset me. I never told anyone. And never gossiped.

Then silence. Never heard of her since!

So just block, stay silent and move on.

Voted YABU because YABU to jnot just block her. So what if she says stuff about you. Everyone presumably knows she's a drama queen car crash nightmare so who cares what she says. I wouldn't delete my SM and lose contact with other friends because of her. Just block her.

Just tell work about Australia. At the minute she has this weird power over you because you're scared she'll tell someone, just take that opportunity away from her and tell people. Why are you keeping it a secret? Are you worried work will try and fire you or something?

Once work know about this, you'll be free(er) to block her and have peace.

I may be a total cow but I would tell all your mutual friends what has been going on, the manipulation and how this has made you feel (also show them the screenshots in case she decides to play the victim and trash talk you). I would then straight up tell her to fuck off and never contact me again. She is no longer a colleague of yours, she doesn't respect your boundaries and she was never a friend. You owe her nothing and you will be in Australia soon so she is someone else's problem. Everyone else sees through her.