Or is it really rude to make your food preferences known if you aren't the host?

I wouldn't invite people over without checking there is anything they don't eat first, even aside of allergies.

i don't eat fish/seafood, mushrooms or sweetcorn and will not grin and bare it just because someone has spent money/time making it for me. So if you hadn't asked me, i just wouldn't eat it which would be a waste of both the food and your time. I'd just stop on the way home for something i do like if i was hungry.

I've catered parties like this.

It is actually simple.
2 starters
2 or 3 main dishes
2 desserts plus some reserve nice ice cream in the freezer
and let people choose.

This is madness. You aren't running a restaurant you are having a dinner party for your friends!

It's commendably nice of you to be prepared to go to all that effort to attend to peoples whims but honestly I couldn't be bothered. Any expectation that a host would go to all this trouble is really self centred.

I have a friend who is super picky about food. I know her well and cater for it. But she lives in fear of dinner parties. YANBU, but I guess I would like to know before they arrive if everything I have made is impossible for them to eat.

Obviously it is rude NOT to tell the host about halal, kosher, allergies, veganism, etc. You need to give fair warning on the non-negotiables!

If we are having new people round to eat I would always ask if there are things they don't like before planning the meal in order to avoid any embarrassment on either side. DH is coeliac so I always let hosts know in advance. Also the fact that he just can't put a prawn in his mouth. I considered myself easy to please. Can eat most things if it is put in front of me. Did draw the line at the stuffed ox hearts served up by a friend because they were her husband's favourite meal. A good job DH was away for work at the time. He may just have had to excuse himself from the table. I coped but it made me feel a bit queasy .

I usually ask if there is any allergies or anything they hate to eat but I wouldn’t rush to invite them again if I was presented with a list tbh.

I used to be a very fussy eater which has gradually got better and better over the years, from cooking myself to also eating things I wouldn’t normally have at other peoples houses. I was also brought up to eat whatever was served if someone else was hosting. There was only one where I had to force down a gag (vegan Mac and cheese) but I still ate it and washed it down with extra wine. I think if I had such sensitivities to certain foods or textures I’d be telling my host well in advance and offering to bring my own depending on how bad it was.

It also depends on how many people are being hosted. It gets more rude if you know your host is trying to cater for a lot of people.

I’d rather know if someone really doesn’t like something. One of my friends loathes fish but loves seafood. I’m not allergic to shellfish but loathe the texture and aftertaste. I forced some prawns down after being given them at a friend’s house but had to hold my breath when eating them. I then said I can’t eat seafood anymore as I had a reaction when I ate something so they don’t cook them anymore-a lie but don’t want them to feel bad! But regarding my friend’s loathing of fish, I’d rather know-there are loads of other things I can cook. I normally ask tbf if having people round.

Yes, I would.

if someone extends an invitation you can’t accept, you decline politely.

Imagine being invited to a wedding and saying yes but only if you change the timing because I’m not great in the mornings?

Imagine being invited to join a book club, accepting then telling everyone you can’t cope with fiction, has to be non-fiction.

The person who is extending the invitation is putting themselves out. Not the guests. So, decline if you don’t like what’s on offer. And maybe offer to host yourself. It’s the height of arrogance to accept and THEN lay down conditions.

This is a difficult one op. I am of the opinion that people should just suck up what they don't like on the grounds that if you host and put the effort in, the guests should do their part as well, and that applies when I am a guest too.

Having said all that, I have an issue with diary foods that makes me ill so I need to be clear about that in advance.

It's the way of the world now, so many people have different preferences, allergies or intolerances, so if I am hosting, I always ask "is there anything you cannot or prefer not to eat?" when I invite them.

Well, I can only say what I would do in that situation and that would be to make a selection of dishes that my guests could choose from so everyone is comfortable and a good time can be had by all.

I don’t think expressing likes/dislikes when asked affects one’s ‘class status’. That’s a ridiculous thought process. But I’m not a snobbish, arrogant person with a superiority complex and complete lack of empathy for my friends.

People brought up on ready meals and industrial, mass-produced, highly processed foods are likely to be more fussy. I come from a culture of a more varied diet where fussiness just wasn't a thing and you ate everything. Also very few people were overweight when I was growing up.

It seems to me that the main issue with this one was that your friend's let you know at such short notice. I think with any eating issue - whether it's an allergy, preference, disorder etc - it should be mentioned at the time of accepting the invitation. "Oh, thank you so much for that invite, we'd love to come for dinner. Just to say, and I'm sorry if this is tricky so please do let me know if we can bring anything - but we don't eat any seafood and DH has a weird aversion to cream. Can't even look at the stuff".

You're welcome. 😂

To be fair, I wouldn't class what you describe as "fussy eating" but rather a medical condition/eating disorder. HTH.

I agree entirely.

Yeah I know it's weird, I seem to be the only person in the world that isn't a fan. But I don't like common spices that tend to be in Indian food. It just seems like so many spices at once. And strong spices. I can eat the bread and my friends now makes some dishes I like, there's a coconut dish I like now. Which is surprising since I'm not a fan of coconuts either. So I'm better now than I was originally, but only cause I went to their home and ate what they provided.

Surely up onto a point? If I was hosting a dinner part and one really isn't into fish, another hates lamb, the other one isn't a fan of eating chicken of the bone, and another one really really has a hard time eating beef, WTH do you do?
And then it's a bit of a list ie, I dislike beef and garlic and really would appreciate if there was no beans and I'm really not a salad person . Fine (albeit rude) if it was one person, but your hosting apart of 12. And everyone gives you a list?? Really is rude and sorry to say, somewhat low class.

Your menu does sound quite difficult. Many people don't eat seafood or fish, and cream makes some people sick if in food. Lots of sauces. Not very considerate.

Haha, I wonder if we know the same person? I got a similar list from a 'friend', although she was weird in lots of ways and I've stopped inviting her round!

I'm surprised at the number of people who think others should make themselves suffer discomfort or unpleasantness in order not to be thought 'rude'.

It's not just about avoiding gagging or vomiting, which people seem to reluctantly accept might be a good reason. It might be that something triggers uncomfortable bloating or reflux which might keep them awake half the night or affect how they feel all the next day. It might cause them awful wind and they know they've got to spend the following day with work colleagues or family and don't want to be farting all day long. It might leave them feeling slightly nauseous or with a stabbing pain in their guts for the rest of the day, or with a touch of the runs. And they probably don't want to tell you these embarrassing and personal issues to give a reason for their so-called 'rudeness'.

In a nutshell, people are allowed to take care of their own well-being because that takes precedence over politeness, and it would be really great if you judgey people would stop being so rude as to insist that your feelings are more important than my self-care.

Is that really that unusual?

"Odd people"?

Fucking hell.

I misunderstood and yes, it’s not fussy.

I suppose the likelihood is that someone who has lots of food restrictions and is invited to this sort of scenario, is likely well known to the host so this is to be expected anyway.

lots of people are saying that this is a modern thing.

Well, yes it is because the wide variety of food that we have available today is relatively new.
I am 56.
When I was a child, spaghetti bolognese was adventurous.
Very limited veg available, very limited fruit and all seasonal.

Most people ate a meat potatoes and 2 veg style diet.

So, if people did have a sensitivity to onions or tomatoes (both of which are actually quite common) it never came up, because no-one cooked with onions and tomatoes, and thick sauces were not common either.

If you look at traditional meals, lots of them are surprisingly gluten free, and dairy free, and low in common allergens and not spicy.
See my post above about - cook a roast
That deals with most of the common food preferences.
Then you just need to work out the vegan/vegetarian part!

So, if we are now putting eg 1,000 ingredients on the table as opposed to the under 100 in the past, it is not a surprise that many more people are going to have things they don't like.

I guess I don't have that many fussy friends (anymore). Used to be more of an issue, but I've stopped entertaining odd people in my life! 😂

You’re all unreasonable. They were pushing it giving you a long list, but comments like this show your mind would have been made up no matter how they approached it:

Yabu - it's fine to let someone else put loads of effort into hosting and time and money only to then say 'don't like that/won't eat that' like a rude teenager

It’s always worth asking if there are any particular dislikes - even if only for the unusual answers you might get. A friend once told me “I don’t like prawns, mustard, sweet and savoury mixed together or custard”. That was the end of my prawn and prune fricassee with mustard custard topping.

I adore pineapple juice but can't cope with the texture of pineapple.

I love tomato based sauces but can't cope with pieces of tomato (I can pick them out though).

I love the flavour of strawberries but even the thought of eating then makes me queasy.

I love the flavour that onions bring to a dish, but can't eat onions.

I wish I could just eat normally.