Or is it really rude to make your food preferences known if you aren't the host?

But would you not, when inviting someone over, ask if there was anything they couldn't eat/didn't like? I was giving a vegetarian girlfriend of DS' lots of Yotam Ottolenghi type vegetable-based dishes for months, before he let me know that she really didn't like this kind of food and 'veggie' in her household meant Quorn substitutes in burgers/ragu/cottage pie. I've known double-dyed carnivores who hate lamb/pork but will cheerfully fall upon everything else. Some people are really weird about any cut of chicken that isn't breast fillet.

It's tricky if the host doesn't ask for the guest to then chip in, though, without looking a bit entitled and snotty. We had a party for some neighbours when we first moved in, and were informed in advance by one guest that she could only drink 'very good quality wine' otherwise she would be ill! I responded we were really happy for people to bring and drink their own to supplement what we would be providing!

I wouldn't do it myself but I wouldn't mind guests telling me what they don't like tbh.

It would be awful if they turned up and didn't like the main thing I'd cooked.

There is one thing I cannot eat even to be polite
and it's a pretty standard food for most people. If I'm going to someone's house for dinner as in a sit down meal I would tell them as if it was in the meal I wouldn't be able to eat it.
But if there were other options I'd say nothing.
If I was cooking for someone I would probably ask if there was anything they didn't eat.

If I am having people over for a meal, I will always ask them if there is anything they don’t eat, because this covers allergies and preferences and aversions. I’d rather start out with all the information, and use that to plan the meal.

If I’m a guest at someone else’s house, and I’m served something I really don’t like, I will do my best to eat it - for example, I cannot stand coriander (the herb, not ground coriander seed) - it tastes like soap - but if it is in the food someone has gone to the effort to cook for me, I will eat it.

I would love to see the list of nine different dishes, @UnlikelySuperstar, and also how extensive the list of "don't likes" you got back was. I get stressy trying to get dinner on the table for any more than the four of us that are usually here, I think I'd be a grateful guest at your house 😃

I’m another person who is glad that dinner parties aren’t part of my life. My friends and I either get a takeaway or meet up in a restaurant. It takes the pressure off anyone with dietary restrictions.

What have they said they dont like?

As a guest you either tell people up front if there's something you really can't eat or you put up and eat it politely/eat around things. It's rude to only say once people have bought the food. And if you are picky acknowledge that you are picky. It's all very well saying you really hate it, but if everyone does that the poor host runs out of possible options pretty fast.

If I think there are likely to be issues I speak to people in advance, but it's on them to communicate clearly. The worst are people who claim to eat anything and then won't. Although it can he hard to remember the things you don't like because you often forget they exist as you ignore them! I'd struggle if served tongue for example.

The considerate approach works well if there's only one individual requiring special handling and that person only objects to, let's say, fish. One item then, or at most two - say fish and tomatoes.

You have a massive problem on your hands if multiple guests won't eat:
Onions
Garlic
Basil
Parsley
Rosemary
Beef
Chicken
Fish
Tomatoes
Cream
Cheese
Pork
Lettuce
Olives
Mushrooms
Carrots
Broccoli
Anything spicy
Food that is green
Food that is red
Potatoes
Rice
Pasta
Food that reminds them of their granny

Allergies apart, people should suck it up for one evening. They're going for dinner in someone's house, not a restaurant.

Upthread a poster mentioned “my well-being”: well, I think a host is just trying to get some people together for a dinner, not putting on a personalised wellness retreat
Exactly this 😂

Yes they did, I have recently stopped eating meat and this was taken into account on a recent return visit

I eat pretty much anything but once went to a dinner party where they served mushroom risotto. Every mouthful was torture.

A question I have is do super-fussy guests return the compliment when they host - ie asking everyone about preferences?

It’s the job of a host to be a good host, but the job of a guest to be a good guest. It seems a lot of posters are expecting more from their hosts than they are willing to offer in return. Upthread a poster mentioned “my well-being”: well, I think a host is just trying to get some people together for a dinner, not putting on a personalised wellness retreat.

I always ask if there are any dietary requirements when someone accepts an invitation for a meal.
If it's just a couple or a family, I would tend to do a sit down meal and one of my go-tos is a casserole with chicken, onion, mushroom and pepper in a tomato sauce which I serve with either rice or potatoes. I cut the vegetables into big chunks so that it is easy for someone who doesn't like them to pick them out and I put it on the table for everyone to serve themselves. For a bigger group, I tend to do a buffet with a variety of different foods and I make things that leftovers can be frozen for a night when I don't have time to cook.

I have a group of young people from the church for a meal every couple of months before we go to an event together. One is vegetarian so I just make vegetarian food for everyone. Sometimes I buy pizza and other times I make a couple of pasta dishes - macaroni cheese and a tomato based pasta. I know that some of them are quite fussy and one lives on processed food and is wary of trying anything different, so I stick with what I know they will all eat.

This thread just reminds me how much I love buffets.

Well, if you do insist @asdunno 😂

Have always checked with guests beforehand. One friend only eats chicken, another doesn't eat mushrooms - we cater for their preferences. Not hard to do really

I think it would be rude if it were acquaintances or people you personally didn't know that well, like a partner's uncle or something, but I'm not sure how you wouldn't know your friends' preferences.

But when cooking for more than 4 people we generally do a table of things people can help themselves to rather than a formal sit down meal. Or we tell people at the time of inviting them what food will be served, for example at new year we did a big multi-part warming tray of separated pulled pork, chicken, stir fried veggies etc for bao buns and tortilla wraps. So people can eat before if they fancy something else, or potentially bring their own/addition.

Wouldn't have helped the person who only eats seafood, and the meat eaters may have been unhappy.

You should have cooked something vegan, like a red Thai curry.

As a guest I would probably put up with what I was given, unless it was coconut. I'm lucky that I can eat and enjoy pretty much everything. As a host, I ask my guests in advance if there's anything they don't like. For that reason YABU.

I really dont like cinnamon or rosemary. I also hate lamb so I would have to tell people beforehand, or just not eat anything.
My idea of hell is roast lamb with rosemary .

When I have guests over for the first time I always ask if there's anything they don't like when i invite them. I find this approach works well.

If I am hosting between 2 to 4 people, I usually ask if there are any dietary aversions or intolerances. If it is a large number, I don't bother as I will be serving various dishes. Also with larger numbers, the harder it becomes. One of the worst dinners I hosted was for 6. Of that, I had one person who wouldn't eat fish, another who would only eat fish or seafood, a veggie who wouldn't eat cheese, and someone else who was GF and meat eaters. It was a nightmare to plan. I ended up cooking different dishes and did not enjoy hosting that combination. I never did that particular group of friends again!

Yeah maybe our way is strange but in our group we've got Spanish, Italian, French, Chinese, South American, Tamil and British people all in our group that regularly eat together in each others homes, maybe once a week or a couple of times in a month and we mostly tend to make food from our culture or background. You know in advance what you're getting.

We have loads more friends that we socialise with in different ways, but these get togethers are to enjoy food, we also go to places that do food we've never tried before and are adventurous eaters, fussy friend just wouldn't work.