Or is it really rude to make your food preferences known if you aren't the host?

My friends are all well aware of my pickiness and go out of their way to check with me if the food they are making is ok. I really love that they think of me, even though I don’t expect it. I think it’s just what you do if you are hosting and want your guests to be happy

Rude. Although I have to say if someone offered me seafood I would leave it untouched.

I once cooked salmon specifically because one of the guests said she was a pescatarian. Only for her to say at the dinner table that she only eats small fish...

I definitely think a good host checks - not only for allergies, but in general if there’s anything your guests don’t eat in particular.

I always ask about likes/dislikes.

I’d hate to serve someone something they hate.
(the only food I dislike is mayo and I once had to force down egg mayo and then coronation chicken).

I’d find an unasked for list of ‘here’s what we don’t want’ quite off-putting but agree it’s nice to ask as a host. That said I’ve asked the ‘anything to avoid’ question in the past and been told a resounding no. I made a very tame paella, and it turned out they didn’t like prawns, chicken on the bone, peppers, onions, or rice that isn’t from the Chinese takeaway. I also made chocolate fondant and one of them doesn’t like chocolatey desserts. Then they had kids, said the kids ate anything and - oh no they didn’t. I am wildly over-accommodating but FFS gimme a chance!

You're probably best not accepting invitations, tbh. I get that you can't help it, but issues around sell by dates and with how food has been stored / cooked are best kept out of someone else's kitchen.

I have IBS, am lactose intolerant, and due to ARFID, seafood (among other things) makes me vomit. I tend not to go to dinner parties, though my close friends are aware of these things so it doesn’t often cause issues.

Having said all that, if I was invited to a dinner party, I’d likely decline politely and not bother the host with that paragraph. My food issues are my own, and I navigate meals reasonably well these days. Your guests should have declined, I suspect, if their needs are so exclusionary.

It sounds like it's the one DH who's being picky.

Honestly, if it were me, I'd do him something different, just for him. And, depending on how much or little I liked him, I'd make a show of ensuring it's in its own little serving dish and announce "this one's just for Terry, seeing as he can't eat any of the other stuff" and put it right in front of him.

People can be so rude sometimes. You welcome people into your home to break bread and they state their preference of how it's done - in YOUR home!

Nothing to do with allergies (DD has a severe tree nut allergy).DH loathes salmon but manages somehow, with a combination of mashing up, or passing to me, or silent retching to deal with it. After 22 years he has now told two sets of regular dinner party hosts.

I wish people were more empathetic.

I hate that i have food aversion issues. I have struggled my whole life with it. It’s not about just turning my nose up at certain food, my body has a physical reaction to certain foods purely because of its texture (I probably have undiagnosed autism). The judgement I’ve had to face by people who are lucky enough to not have these issues is just tiring. I’m sure I can’t stop you hating people like me, but trust me, if we could change, we would

To an extent, yes, but not if the cost is too huge, tbh. Hosting is supposed to be fun and if I have to jump through difficult or time consuming hoops and compromise my vision of what I want to serve so that someone can be picky, I’d rather I enjoyed myself than them.

I enjoy meeting some challenges, and don’t feel this way about people with allergies or the like. But catering food for lots of people to rigid guidelines for a few when it’s just a matter of preference just isn’t somewhere I’m that interested in going often.

I wouldn’t treat anyone badly, but I wouldn’t always have the bandwidth to cater for them.

Another ARFID-er here, I'd always run a menu past guests before cooking for them, I take zero pleasure in serving people food they hate.

However when I say I don't eat something, I do not mean 'I do not like this, it is not my absolute favourite' I mean 'this food will reduce me to tears and a retching vomiting mess, it instills such horror and revulsion in me'.

And that is generally what I assume others mean when they say they don't eat a particular thing. So I would not make it for them.

I guess for non ARFID types, when they say they don't like a food, what they actually mean is 'I'd not eat it from choice but it's fine, i can physically consume it and won't puke or die or burst into tears/flames'.

The two are not the same thing, at all.

This is what I’d do - probably adding it’s X Y and Z - if you want to bring something else for yourself, no problem

Tbf it was a fairly big risk to plan a very heavy seafood menu not knowing if people like it or not. Some people really detest seafood or fish in any form. I do think you've got to take some responsibility for that one.

You are not being unreasonable.
This is really ride, sure you just eat what you ate served?
I don't have much time for fussy eaters though

It used to be so much easier to host a group of friends for supper. I think when more allergies became prevalent other people jumped on the bandwagon and talk about their preferences, likes and dislikes as if they are of the same weight as eg coeliac which means someone could be extremely ill if they eat food contaminated with gluten.

I don’t mind accommodating medical need obviously but trying to think of a menu after ten people have stated their dislikes, intolerances etc just feels very hard work and stops me cooking what I feel inspired to make. It’s a shame as gathering a crowd for food used to be more spontaneous and easy.

Maybe wine cheese and biscuits is a safer bet. But not if they’re vegan.

Oh that's interesting. Not trying to self diagnose here but that's the issue I have with certain ingredients where I am almost fearful of the food items. I shall read up thank you

Many neurodivergent people have very specific food preferences due to sensory problems. I hope people don’t just label them as fussy or picky and treat them badly because of it.

Another vote for it being rude this late in the day, but equally I think it’s odd not to check in advance for dietary requirements and preferences. Just because you don’t have any doesn’t mean other people don’t!

I think seafood in particular is quite a risky choice unless you’re sure people like it or you’ve also done a veggie option. But equally if they’re ruling out foods like seafood, chicken and dairy, they’re probably not going to enjoy lots of dinner parties!

I think sea food is a common dislike and allergy so I wouldn't plan it if I wasn't sure.

Tend to do chicken and a vegetarian alternative - though it seems even these are tricky which takes it beyond usual likes and dislikes.

Seafood is a tricky one and actually yes I'd expect some people to say sorry I don't eat seafood. The polite thing to do as a host is to ask for allergies and intolerance and is there anything in particular you don't eat?

Surely you want your guest to enjoy their meals?

I can't stand picky eaters.

You arrive, you eat or you don't.

I'm happy to serve coeliacs, IBS, allergy sufferers , vegans, gluten free, or anyone else who might be made ill but faddy eaters can fuck right off.

If they've said they don't like seafood that wouldn't be unusual to me as lots of people don't like it. That would be something I'd check with everyone before planning the menu.

A list ruling out many other versatile ingredients is taking the mick, very picky and rude though.