Or is it really rude to make your food preferences known if you aren't the host?

It is to some palates. I adore Indian food, but go easy on the chilli as DH can't tolerate it.

I don't think it is rude at all to warn your host about food dislikes. If anything is is being considerate to your hosts. I like most things. I dislike parsnip, beetroot and shellfish, and cream doesn't agree with me, so the OP's menu wouldn't appeal.

Luckily we don't have any friends or family with food issues. One is vegan, one vegetarian and a couple are lactose intolerant, but they are easy to cater for.

Same here. Spicy/hot foods make me cough the place down, which I'm sure my host would like to avoid. Also I'm diabetic so need that taken into account - but not difficult or expensive to take into account once they know. 🌹

Most Indian food is not hot .

Not just you - I've never tasted even the mildest version of Indian food that I liked, it's too hot for me and I can't abide the smell.

For a whole weekend, or even a whole day, it’s very difficult when you don’t like the food.

But for one meal, to be pushing the food around and focusing on the conversation and the people who are there, knowing you’re going home in a few hours and have what you like “awful” is a bit OTT.

It's awful isn't it. That feeling of not being a bother. Of trying to look like everything is fine when you don't like the food.

I grew up in an eat what your given household. I find it so hard to say 'I don't like that' I prefer not to eat at others houses. I'm always so grateful if someone asks me first.

This.

I don't go out much, but the last few times I've been invited to a meal I have been told what the host planned to make and asked if it was ok for me.

I usually ask people ‘is there anything you can’t or don’t eat’?
I’m GF and recently dairy free plus trying to lose weight so am sympathetic to most things but would not cope with short notice

I personally think its ridiculous people find it rude. Why on earth would you invite people over and serve food they don't like? I was raised with a you get what your given attitude but when you actually think about it the idea that you would expect a grown adult to fake enjoying a meal for your own pleasure of hosting is ridiculous. They would just go home say how awful the food was and make a promise to get out the next invite. I would much rather my guests left happy, well fed and enjoyed my company

I always ask before I buy if there is anything they don't like.

I just won't eat anything that chains me to the bathroom anymore. But that's my problem so unless the host mentions her menu I just avoid those dishes.

All our friends are menopausal middle aged now so we all have food, drink issues these days even the men

Why should people be required to subject themselves to food that revolts them - especially if the host is serving it knowing they hate it - just to please said host? All this talk about eating together not being pleasant, but what about how unpleasant it is to be expected to eat something horrible to you and pretend you like it?

I LOVE leeks. Though by god what they do to my gut for about 3 days afterwards has made me avoid them for 20 years.

According to this thread I should eat them or I’m pathetic.

Theres a middle ground.

What do you want them to do, pretend they like it?

Besides which Thai red curry contains fish sauce!

It was chicken and leek so yeah a fair bit of leek 🤦🏻‍♀️ even the kids in my house enjoyed it so thought I couldn’t go wrong. He tried to pick the leeks out. I haven’t invited them back since then unless it’s been a bbq 🤣

I think I prefer this to the one evening when I’d told my in laws I was making a risotto with leeks. They waited until they arrived and my BIL said “so is there a lot of leek or just a bit as I don’t like leeks”

This is so rude!!

Would you rather be offended if, after cooking the food, your friends felt awkward, forced to eat something, or just couldn't bring themselves to eat at all?
If people are coming round to mine, I ask if there's anything they'd really like to have, rather than dislikes. I think that's just being a good hostess.

Why is it wrong @UnlikelySuperstar to say there are things you don’t like to eat? If you’re good friends it should be perfectly permissible to have this conversation.
If your friends visit and only nibble at your food, or hide it under their cutlery/napkin, you’d be mightily pissed off especially if you’d gone to a lot of effort?

Why not eat the nice food you’ve ordered on another day and enjoy it, instead serve them something simple and tasty? Then everyone is happy.

We always check with our friends first, for allergies obvs, also because why would you want to serve something they’d hate?! Surely trying to get something down you really hate and gagging on it has to be worse? Or do you want them hiding your meal in their handbag?

I wouldn’t go to a restaurant and choose a lentil stew because I fecking loathe the bastard things. Be nice, serve them food you will all eat.

I'm a nightmare around food. I get really anxious when we go to stay with people, and quite often can't eat what they're serving, I just eat the bits I can and move the rest around the plate.

A few friends know me well, so ask me if so and so will be ok and that's great. It's a throwback to when I was young, and I've tried to get over it, but there's still an awful lot of food I can't eat without gagging, so if someone asked me to give them a list, I'd be so grateful.

I always try to persuade people to go out one of the two nights if we're away for a weekend, then at least they don't have to worry about me, and I can eat something I know I can.

I think it depends what is on their list and when they gave you the list.

I absolutely hate cucumber. Even the smell is just vile to me. To the extent that I very, very strongly prefer not to eat anything that has even touched cucumber. However, I don’t tell hosts this in advance because it’s very rarely the main part of any dish and I can almost always just eat round it.

However, if I felt similarly about something like fish that is often the main part of a dish then I probably would mention it in advance to avoid the host going to wasted effort/expense and me having to choke down something I hate.

That said, I would have to absolutely LOATHE something to think it worth mentioning and I would only do so at the time of the invite or very soon after, not closer to the date when plans may have been made. I would also have limited patience with being presented with a long list. One or two things fine, lots is just being fussy.

As a host when inviting people I always say to let me know if there’s anything they don’t eat - saves annoyances when finding out later and I want to make them food they’ll like.

I always cater for my guests, i love cooking for people and I prefer to have them at my home then I can control the food.

I always cook a variety of things anyway, we are vegetarian, pescatarian, carnivore so I'm used to catering for 3 variations of one meal. I never plate someone's food either. It's either come and help yourself in the kitchen or in plates/bowls at the table to help yourselves.