Or is it really rude to make your food preferences known if you aren't the host?

I don't think it's rude if you let the host know well in advance; and in a spirit of asking a favour, rather than giving an order.

Most hosts would prefer not to give their guests food that they dislike. Certainly, I'd rather know.

However, it IS rude and inconsiderate to spring it on your host at the last minute, when they're likely to have already planned the meal and bought the ingredients,

Having said that, having been a strict vegetarian most of my life, meat or seafood would be a clear no-no for me, under all circumstances. I’d kind of expect any one who knows me well enough to invite me for food to know that though!

Maybe because I’m fussy, but I always ask in advance for likes / dislikes etc. There are things I just cannot eat, not due to allergies, but just can’t due to taste and / or texture. (I’m one of those people who will throw up if they try to eat something they loathe). If the host hasn’t said anything though, and something I can’t eat or just really dislike is served as part of a dish, I wouldn’t say anything, just quietly eat around it if I can. Sometimes I’ve “been so full” that I couldn’t finish the food, then left early to go to eat at home, but that’s unusual! Luckily if the company is good I usually forget I’m hungry, so it’s just not an issue, and I eat when I get back home.

Seafood Isn’t even an out there thing not to eat?

i think you missed the boat here, you should have “been arsed” to actually cater to your guests.

Gosh I wish I were this ballsy 😝

It's interesting how many people say that they would routinely ask if there is anything that people don't eat. This wouldn't usually occur to me.

If I have people over for a meal, they're typically my friends so I already know if they're veggie/gluten free/halal etc. If I was hosting a stranger for some reason, I would probably ask. Though,
as a vegetarian, I have always felt that the onus is on me as the guest to flag up that I have a specific dietary requirement that might be considered to be outside "the norm".

It would never occur to me that adults would have such strong likes and dislikes that they really couldn't eat a particular meal. I would always check preferences for visiting children as so many kids are faddy eaters, but I think the vast majority of people grow out of this phase?

I think your guests were rude, OP. If they are really fussy eaters, they should have told you about this problem when they accepted the invite.

Sorry, I think YABU. As the host, I would say it is your responsibility to check for any food preferences before you buy the food. It isn't ungrateful of your guests to state their preferences. You don't have to be grateful for something that you don't want!

I frame it as is there anything that makes you unwell? That moves it away from mere not liking.

Tbh, if there are no allergies/intolerances or other medical/religious/ethical restrictions, I would assume that an adult probably had an eating disorder if they gave me a list of likes and dislikes in this way.

Most grown adults are more than capable of eating what is in front of them, so this level of fussiness would indicate some kind of psychological issue?

You are rude not to ask them in advance if there’s anything they don’t like.

I abhor cucumber, raw onion and anything with vinegar in it, and would gag if I forced myself to eat them. Luckily all my friends know this. But if a new friend was catering for me I’d tell them.

Why would you want your friends to force themselves to eat food they hate? Surely as a host you’d want them to have a nice experience?

I don't cook for people until I know their food preferences. If I host people I want them to feel comfortable and enjoy their food. I can't do that if I haven't talked to them about what they do and don't like to eat. I think your attitude is all wrong; hosting is about your guests having a good experience, not you pleasing yourself and then getting the arse because you've cooked something nobody wants to eat.

I’m in 2 minds about it

on the one hand, if they are fussy, they should have said upfront. A friend invited me and dh to a dinner party and I immediately said look I’m really sorry, my dh is quite fussy, if that makes anything difficult, he can just miss parts of the meal out. It was fine and we were invited again! He did end up eating everything anyway, both times.

on the other hand, serving a lot of seafood is quite risky. I’ve never eaten oysters or crab/shellfish/stuff like that, don’t even know what to do with it or what it tastes like. I’m not fussy, however I think I’d be a bit hesitant at a dinner party as it seems that stuff is often responsible for food poisoning. Shellfish is a common allergy - but how might you know if you’re allergic if you’ve never come across it? I would have gone for something simpler for these reasons.

This is why I hate going to dinner at someone's house

There's loads of things I don't like and I'd hate to be rude and refuse whatever it was - and I would never give a list!

So I'd rather we'd go out and I could choose!

I'm also think ED!

It seems weird and rude. Unless maybe one or both have some kind of ED issue or are ND and get freaked by certain foods? Is the stuff they don't like already part of what you were planning to make? Could you just literally offer them the veg and sides only? If people are uber fussy then it's better than nothing. Or ask them to bring something they can eat as you'll be making x dish.

When I host, I always ask for foods they don't like, or do particularly like. I want to ensure my guests enjoy the food I make for them, why would I want them to grin and bear food that they don't like?

I think you are being ridiculous to find this really rude. The only way I would be on your side is if they've done it really last minute like on the day or within a couple of days.

I personally, will always ask about food preferences when inviting, so I don't start planning the menu until I know likes/dislikes.

It does seem a bit rude, but whenever I ask anyone for dinner and they accept, my first question is always is there anything they don’t eat? So in a sense, they may have inferred that you would want to know this ahead of making a lot of effort to plan a meal.

This. When I host I always ask ‘anything you don’t eat?’ If I get a list as long as my arm I will eye roll (allergies aside obviously), but if I heard ‘I eat anything except coriander/mushrooms/mayonnaise/something else easily avoided it wouldn’t bother me.

I hate mushrooms. I absolutely could not force them down to be polite (and why should I??) to be honest if I were hosting people for food I would ask if there were anyhing the guests don’t eat - I’d want them to actually enjoy the food…

How was it done? That determines if it was rude or not.

When accepting an invitation, stating dietary requirements to your host is the right time. It is not rude. Bad manners would be turning up and informing your hosts them. Or even worse, having weekend guests and people stating a new preference for a during a meal.

I am more than happy to accommodate food preferences, if done in advance. In your case, as long as your guest can eat a few things I would be happy. Say bread, salad, chicken and pudding. I would still serve paella with seafood for other people.

Surely the first thing you do when you are hosting is ask if people don’t like certain foods? I’ve never hosted or been hosted when the person cooking hasn’t asked this. Surely you want to cook something everyone will like, that’s the point of a dinner party?!

I wouldn't choke back seafood for anyone. If you told me the menu and it was seafood I'd make my excuses to not attend, sitting in someone's house surrounded by the smell of seafood would make me retch. Not my idea of a good time. I'd be polite about it though.

This is what I always do too

You can't get your head around people having likes and dislikes? This is Def a you issue. Do you eat any food put in front of you even if the taste / texture makes you feel sick or have you genuinely never had a food you don't enjoy? Sounds like you've learnt that your wants aren't important and so you expect others to repress theirs.

A good host would check of there was anything someone really didn't like.

I don't like prawns. I'm likely to retch at having to put one iny mouth and eat it. As my friend and host why would that be something desirous to you?

As long as I was told when they accepted the invitation, I wouldn’t mind.

Close to the day when food has been planned/bought, that’s rude.

We’re used to catering for a lot of different needs as in our household we have, 2 vegans, a vegetarian and a meat eater, an allergy and an autistic child with some sensory issues with food. Meal times are always fun! 🥳