Or is it really rude to make your food preferences known if you aren't the host?

I find it rude that people can cook for people without telling them what the menu is. I wouldn’t eat something I didn’t like.

I was at a friends recently and she had cooked a meal ( I didn’t actually know she was cooking) and it contained seafood which I despise and absolutely will never eat. So I politely refused. I think it’s more rude to assume that your guests will like X meal without checking. It’s a waste of everyone’s time

When I am hosting, I always ask in advance for any likes/dislikes because I want to serve food that people enjoy. I wouldn’t though send an unsolicited list of my likes and dislikes when I am a guest? Allergies, yes, but preferences no. It is awful though to go to a friends house for dinner having not being asked for preferences and to be served something you despise. Prawn cocktail is my nemesis 🤣🤣 Many have been discretely shovelled on to DHs plate because I cannot stand it, but I don’t want to appear rude by not eating it.

If its said at the time that you give the invitation then that's fine but not after you've already bought the ingredients. If I invited people round to dinner (which I rarely do, only one friend at Easter that I know eats everything, and some friends for halloween when I do a buffet so no issues there) I would ask at the same time as inviting them if there's anything they really can't stand to eat as I do emphasise with strong aversions (I can't eat mushrooms, the texture really makes me gag, other food I dislike I can generally force down and I've lost most of my childhood fussiness as an adult due to forcing myself to try foods I didn't like and discovering my tastes had changed)

As a host I’d always ask if there were anything I should avoid but as guests their job is to turn up, eat your delicious food, thank you, praise it and go away again.
It‘s a social contract. They are horribly rude.

In recent years it's become 'fashionable' for life's dedicated attention-seekers to declare that they "just can't!" eat this or that, sometimes for medical reasons but often not - it's a handy bandwagon for the Look-At-Me brigade to jump on.

They are "Special" and boy, do they want the world to know and acknowledge it!

I would be sorely tempted to snap "well you can sit there until you darn well eat it, Picky!"

Tricky to move it around when the whole dish is something you can't eat! I think the courtesy would be in the host asking if there are things their guests can't eat or that would simply spoil the meal for them.

I tend to think you can have "normal" dislikes or you can have maybe a couple of weird dislikes and after that you get to "sigh, catering is going to be such a pain".

So I would count (for example) offal, shellfish and blue cheese (and maybe actually hot spicy food rather than just flavoursome type spicy food) as "normal" things I would assume people might dislike and not serve up without checking. I could then deal with one or two more things on top (e.g. Mary can't stand coriander) and beyond that it gets really annoying.

However, I used to be a very fussy eater and so I'm generally prepared to cater for most people. People ruling out incredibly common foods (specifically onions) is a pet hate though.

Sorry haven't RTFT but what happened to just being happy to be invited to someone's home for a meal. If you don't like it you move it around the plate or palm it off to your partner. It's really not that hard. People are so self-absorbed these days. Try it you might just like it ( not talking about allergies obviously). And it's ARFID ( not afrid as a pp said) and highly unusual in adults. If you have it just let your host know you are bringing your own food. FFS

It’s very rude to announce lots of dislikes at last minute when they know you’ve got ingredients in. Yes to making a small separate dish for her DH.

not unreasonable. Probably the #1 reason why I don't like to have ppl in for a meal anymore. Takes the fun out of everything and makes it a stressful high-stakes situation. So rude!!

We've started to ask in advance with some friends. In the past we didn't and they seemed ok with whatever we served but, having also eaten out with them since and seen how many questions they ask of the waiting staff and how many menu choices they reject we've realised that they didn't actually like many of the foods we'd been serving them at our home.

YABU. A good host should ask when the guest accepts the dinner invite. “Is there anything you don’t eat?”

It does seem rude but then I always pretend I'm allergic to prawns because I really don't think I could manage to eat any if presented with them.

I can’t stand lamb either.
I used to date a dreamy Yugoslavian man - so intelligent, so successful, so handsome and charming.
He took me to a BBQ with his “people” and as we walked around, they had racks of beautiful pork chops waiting to be charred. I was relieved, because I thought they were big on lamb.
So it was time to eat - salads & breads & potatoes, etc etc and these gorgeous chops - and I took a big bite, and it was LAMB!!
Damn. 😂
And I had to pretend like I enjoyed it so as not to offend my very gracious & lovely hosts.
But I could barely choke it down lol.

It's good hosting to ask if there's something one doesn't eat.

My son's autistic and there is a lot of food he can't eat or doesn't wish to, due to texture etc.
Some man not guess that, so you never know:

I ask people if there’s anything they don’t eat. I once arrived at a friend’s place to be told she was cooking liver. She was very grumpy when I said I couldn’t eat it, but offal is literally the only thing you might serve as a main course that I can’t eat. I’d never serve pork or fish without checking.

Incredibly rude.

I'd be tempted to tell them it's a potluck and to bring their own food.

I’ll try anything once… but game, offal and anything with aniseed/tarragon/fennel are wasted on me. I can’t stand the taste and have attempted them in numerous ways. Will get pushed around and bits nibbled at but passed onto the chap if possible.

im not a big seafood fan but will try it.

I really don’t like cream based Sauces and find them too rich but will eat them.

feed me strong spicy stuff at your peril as I will bloat within 30 mins to a painful degree and happily pass gas to relive the pain as and when it presents the opportunity for the rest of the evening.

I always ask guests if there is something they don’t like/cant eat and will happily work around the various dislikes etc.

currently have a gluten free, lactose free, tomato allergy and raw onion sensitive friend staying with me so am learning a whole new world of catering skills!

I would definitely tell the host if I followed a certain diet, for example, vegetarian, pescatarian, etc., or if I was allergic to something. Preferences such as not liking aubergines and olives- I don’t think I’d mention it. I’ve just had small servings of them at other people’s houses when they’ve prepared dishes containing them.

I cannot eat any food that's remotely spicy. It's not an allergy as such (though it doesn't do my acid reflux any good), I simply can't endure getting my mouth burned. That includes anything from pepper up.

Seafood - fish is fine, but I'm not eating invertebrates. Prawns look like insects (even more revolting out of their shells).

I can't stand the smell or curry or the texture of tapioca.

I someone asked me to dinner I'd be checking what they were making before accepting. I'm past being prepared to force myself to eat something to please someone who didn't bother to find out what I can eat.

You'd be wrong to assune that. Apparently about 30% of adults self-identity as picky or fussy eaters, at least according to the Washington Post. Still more will eat most things but have one or two strong dislikes. Mushrooms and coriander perhaps, like one of my friends.
It's really quite common.
What's not so common is how this couple dealt with it, I think.

You're brave even doing a dinner party OP, I've given up. We might host a casual bring-a-plate gathering or BBQ and just put the basics on ourselves.

Allergies aside, every second person (myself included) is on some kind of 'way of eating' these days, before you even get into likes and dislikes. I can barely get my own family to agree on one thing to eat!

I would rather ask/be asked.

But if not, I would just keep everything crossed that I liked the meal. I wouldn't actually say anything though.

So you're moaning about being rude but would make a show of him being a fussy eater which is also rude