Or is it really rude to make your food preferences known if you aren't the host?

I was on your side until you said you were pretty much doing 9 dishes, all with seafood and cream. I love seafood but always check because it can be suck a difficult one for some people, and loads of folk don’t get on with cream in their food. It isn’t exactly lots of variety like you said; it’s 9 dishes containing seafood and cream. I think they probably thought there would be something he could manage and then you told them what you were serving and they’ve realised they had to say something as you’ve not got a plain option. They probably would have just made do it if was chicken or something but since they’re having to tell you it isn’t suitable, they might as well just tell you everything.

However; in this circumstance I think it’s ok to suggest they bring a dish along which the husband will be able to eat if he ends up not wanting anything you’ve made.

I think it's fine to explain that you have a problem like this before accepting an invitation... but not to accept first and then provide a list of dislikes later.

Allergies yes, very important.

Others, are choices. You can always make a veggie stew, curry, Jacket potato, salad, etc. And however is not eating meat can eat form those.
They are welcome to bring something as well that suit their choices.

I'm that fussy person with strong aversions to a thankfully small number of foods, including sea-food.

I once did the force yourself to eat it to be polite at a dinner. And sat there with every mouthful coming back up into my mouth, and having to swallow it a second or third time. I stopped when I knew the next time I was likely to outwardly vomit on the table. Never again. so now I let people know in advance.

It's not the same as something just being not something you particularly enjoy, everyone has those, and if course I'll eat them if need be.

Your guests were rude to leave it so late to tell you though.

My fussy friends love me cooking for them as I don't make a drama out of it. People are usually extremely embarrassed about their aversions and anxious about how others will react, because the world is full of twats who think it's a moral failing.

In this case, yes, it’s very rude - they should have said “whilst I’m sure it’s delicious we’re quite fussy and not too keen on x x and x so we’ll bring our own food/eat beforehand and just come for drinks/dessert”.

I think if they gave you lots of warning (way before you’ve planned a menu/bought food etc) saying one or two things they particularly don’t like is fine. If they’re majorly fussy and not super close friends (who you’d accommodate despite ridiculous fussiness) they just shouldn’t accept dinner invites at other expense.

Well, the poster immediately above you wants them to "fuck right off"

Some folks really are clueless at hosting. If someone isn’t eating, there can be multiple reasons, from feeling unwell to simply the food is bad, or it’s something they dislike. It isn’t rudeness as the majority reason. Asking discreetly so as not to embarrass them, if you can get them something else is the way forward.

really stunned at the folks who think inviting people for dinner they should just eat it no matter what.

It’s a balance isn’t it. I don’t eat red meat anymore but if I went to a dinner party and was given beef I would eat it.

I don’t eat any seafood. If I was served it at a dinner party I would politely decline or if I am asked, I say in advance that I don’t eat seafood.

Salmon makes me gag. I literally want to throw up if I smell it. Despite this, my close friend serves it to me every single time I go there for lunch or dinner. She’s sat next to me at numerous meals at other peoples houses where they’ve handed me a similar meal with the salmon omitted or with chicken substituted saying “chicken for Gertrude” but it doesn’t sink in.

I have to leave it every time!

@CurlewKate I'd say not liking pork isn't enough to be counted as a picky eater.

If there are a bunch of other things you also don't like, to the extent it makes it difficult to find something you like or for other people to cook for you, that's what I'd class as a picky eater.

They seem completely OTT. Personally I think allergies/bad intolerances/vegetarian/vegan should be mentioned to the host beforehand and well in advance but other than that I think guests should just put up and get on with it. The one exception is fish or seafood, I’d always check with guests beforehand as I know they tend to be a love it or hate it food and I’d want to check.

I have a weird hatred of all soft cheeses and also any goat or sheeps cheese. Literally makes me gag, all my close friends know, however I’ve never told other people ahead of a dinner party. My usual trick is to try and separate the cheese from the other food as much as possible and then swallow it down whole in small bites without chewing 😂.

I don’t generally run the menu by guests beforehand (I think food at a dinner party should be a surprise) but some people do ask which takes the fun out of it a bit as you instantly know they are going to be picky 😂.

Also what kind of meat eater has such an aversion to chicken that they can’t even eat it?! Chicken is like the most inoffensive meat there is, I can understand it not being their preferred meat and being a bit meh about it but to actively hate it enough to bring it up to rule it out for a dinner party seems mad.

What's the difference between "I don't like pork" and being a picky eater?

You're cooking for others but you 'couldn't be arsed' asking them what they can eat?

Tbh you're as rude as your guests.

As a host - observing someone move the food around their plate would annoy me - so rude, I'd have to say something..

Like many things, I think tone and context matters. So - generally those kind of invitations come with an “any allergies?” question attached. I think it’s absolutely fine at that point to say “not an allergy, but I’m really not keen on spicy food/goat’s cheese….(or whatever)”. And probably helpful for the host to know. But sending a huge list, or waiting until close to the occasion? That’s inconsiderate and rude. People are hosting you for dinner, not running a restaurant.

YABU When I'm hosting I always ask about allergy, preferences or whatever - happy to cater for any of the above because I want my guests to relax and enjoy their food - not eat it to be polite.
If I forgot to ask, I'd be happy to be reminded.

I am allergic to seafood and would never choose to eat chocolate, though I will if put in front of me. People often do a chocolate dessert as everyone likes it, well I don’t. DH turned up with a tart tatin last night as my valentines gift as he knows me well.

I mean I have an allergy but I think quite a few people are not keen on seafood/fish. I do love fish it’s just seafood I am allergic to. All a bit biblical really by accident :)

I actually always ask if there is something people don’t like. I don’t see the problem.

I have twice been given octopus by our French neighbours.
Tbf they asked us several years ago what we wouldn’t eat, octopus never crossed my mind as an option.
I usually manage to eat half and plead a small appetite, dh who normally eats anything also struggles to eat it.

And your friend was ok with that? I’d have been very embarrassed!

I think this is really rude. I suppose if somebody absolutely cannot stand tomatoes then maybe give a lot of warning in advance. Even so I would think they were being precious unless it was an allergy or intolerance.

I don’t understand your bit about making your preferences known if you are not the host. Why would the host make their preferences known and to whom would they do that? Makes no sense at ll.

You should have asked your guests if there is anything they don’t eat.

Well the only point of saying upfront is to save the host the hassle and cost of cooking something they won't eat....so if they have done that too late that's out of order.
I am a fussy eater and would normally never dream of doing this but there are things I simply could not eat if you paid me millions or someone had a gun to my head. So if I was invited and thought my hosts may cook something like that (shellfish for example or rare/raw meat or fish) I would say something at the time of accepting the invite...."thank you so much, sounds lovely but I am a very fussy eater and I don't want to cause you any hassle."

Honestly, this is why we get food in if people are coming over. I’m not cooking for fussy adults.

Rude to send a list of food they don’t like, better to jyst decline invite.

People who have such extreme reactions to being served particular food items such as condiments nearing their use by dates, or soggy lettuce, or rare steak, I should imagine would let their host know beforehand of their ‘intolerances’, or just decline the invite!
Who holds dinner parties these days anyway? Just go to a bloody restaurant!

I think it your not going to take the time to check that your guests will like the food then you can’t get upset if they don’t like it