Or is it really rude to make your food preferences known if you aren't the host?

YANBU - adults who are picky eaters (genuine allergies or medical conditions aside) and make a fuss about it are pathetic.

Yeah it's rude. I'm vegan and would tell hosts that (I hate doing it as it feels awkward but it causes more awkwardness not to) but I wouldn't bother telling them likes and dislikes, I'd just subtly pick and choose or force it down.

TBF though (aside from animal products) there's not not much I really don't like.

There are plenty of things I prefer not to eat e.g. pork. But I could tolerate it . I was also raised to eat what was put in front of me. Inc when a friends mum as a joke gave me a chopped tomato for dinner I was about 8, said thank you very much and started.

But, I do tell people that are cooking for me I don't eat any sort of seafood. I tell people after feeling bad that a friend went to a lot of effort to make calamari and other seafood dishes for dinner for me.

Also when friend are coming over I run by what I am making and ask if that's OK

The number of people on this thread saying some variation of ‘I’m not fussy but I will literally vomit / gag / scream if I am served mushrooms / shellfish / jelly etc.’ You’re a bit fussy! That’s OK!

I've catered parties like this.

It is actually simple.
2 starters
2 or 3 main dishes
2 desserts plus some reserve nice ice cream in the freezer
and let people choose.

Funnily enough, a good roast will usually cover most food preferences.
Obviously you need a veggie option,
mutiple vegetables eg roasted carrots etc as well as green veg and 2 gravies (one veggie one meat)
It would cover all the options on your list.

While I would prefer to cook an Indonesian rijstafel or a Indian curry, the point of having people round to dinner is to have a nice evening over food, so if a classic roast works, then I'd do that.

I have to say, I have never served shellfish or even fish to anyone without asking first. I know too many people who are fussy/allergic

I am a little bit fussy with food but I can force most things down except mushrooms. I cannot stand them and they actually make me sick so I normally tell people I have an allergy to mushrooms, just so I don't have to go through it! I think that's acceptable and everything else I just put up with even if o don't really like it.

YABU. We host friends once a month (we alternate months) and each couple knows what the other doesn’t like as we’ve told one another.

If we’re planning a new dish, we always check in with our friends to make sure it’s something that they’d like, why wouldn’t you? I don’t see this as something to be offended at whatsoever.

Cook him some chips and he can help him self to try the other dishes.

Sorry but a good host should ask. You haven't okayed the menu beforehand and as such they have felt the need to say it. A quick text to say "I'm planning on cooking this. Is that okay?" wouldn't have hurt.

I wouldn't say it personally and I see why you think they are being rude. However, as them I would also find it awful to sit and pretend I like the food in a close- knit environment.

I think there's an issue on both sides really. At this point with it being so close to the meal they'll get what they're given.

by "hosting" do you mean having friend over for dinner? Or a week?

I get that it is a bit awkward, but would you rather put loads of effort into cooking a meal and then not ahve your firends eat it? that would be worse surely?

@Chaptertwobegins but a dinner invitation is just that - an invite, not a summons. Surely you invite people over because you want them to have a nice time so why not check what they’d like?

“I also am really unforgiving of fussy eaters and think 'it's not going to kill you even if you don't like the taste just eat it' but I can't say that as a host “

I understand what you are saying but as a guest if you said “would you like you come round for x” and I didn’t like it, I’d say “no thank you”. Why do you want to invite people for a meal they hate eating and force down? That’s no one’s idea of fun.

I don’t really know the answer to this. If it is something that you just wouldn’t chose to eat in a restaurant, then I think you should probably toughen up- I would never choose to eat risotto for example, but I would eat it without fuss if put in front of me. BUT I absolutely can not stand fish, and in the same way veganism is a choice that I am expected to respect when serving food
to a guest I think I would like the same courtesy when it comes to that.

Allergies aside, there are many dietary preferences that we are expected to accommodate now- I think my one request of no fish is probably a lot easier to accommodate than no meat, no fish, no eggs, no dairy etc.

Really fucking rude. If you're not actually allergic, or doing it for ethical/religious reasons, AFAIC you eat it and say thank you. I've eaten loads of things at people's houses that I wouldn't choose for myself. It's not a big deal.

I absolutely cannot tolerate spicy food so I would say something well in advance. I also won't eat tomatoes. I can tolerate passata but no way would I eat anything with lumps of tomato and fresh tomato in a salad would be even worse! So I suppose it comes down to what's worse, saying something in advance or (obviously not just before the meal) or picking the bits out of my food and leaving them on the side of the plate!

It used to be good manners that as a guest in someone's house you accept what they provide, say thank you. And appreciate the time and effort they put into entertaining you. Considering you didn't pay for any of it. Now people right list of what the want and don't want apparently. How times have changed.

On the fence with this. I usually ask, is there something you really really hate? A list is piss taking. My two friends hate cheese, when my brother in law invited them to lunch he made risotto, delicious it was... if you like cheese. One friend put on brave face and ate it, the other couldnt as her distaste was so pronounced she would have thrown up. I prefer someone tells me if there is something like that.

They e ruled out fish, seafood, chicken and dairy?? Massive piss take . Im definitely in the ‘eat what you’re given’ camp

I agree! I wouldn’t be giving a list of preferences, that’s rude! But I have a certain food I don’t like and I genuinely can’t stomach, if someone serves me it I can’t eat it. It’s popular in dishes and I have been to dinner at someone’s house before and been served it as the main meal and I’ve had to pretend to eat/struggle a mouthful and not gag/ pass it onto someone in secret as the last thing I want to do is upset the host. It’s all been very awkward. So now I do tell someone if I’m invited over for dinner. I think it lessens upset and I’d hate to offend my host by not eating the food once it’s been cooked and placed in front of me.

like others have said, you should have asked - is there anything you don't eat?

There are many things I would not choose on a menu, but wouldn't mention it and happily eat at someone else's house, but there are a couple of things I really dislike and would struggle.
2 of my (teen/adult) kids hate mushrooms, that is a hard one, as they will happily pick them out of a dish and eat the rest (because they try not to be too picky) so I don;t usually mention it, but we once went ot someone's house and had garlic mushrooms as a starter, that was awkward as I knew they really couldn't eat them, so now I do mention it.

I had a lady round for ameal recently who eats - anything except sausages. Which is quite random but easy to accommodate!

I ask people if there's anything they really like/don't like or are allergic to before I plan the menu.

Surely if you’re inviting guests to eat at your house, you’d consider cooking something they like?
I mean, I would not eat anything I don’t like, if someone put pasta, cheese, mashed potatoes, casserole, stew, goulash, and other food infront of me, I’d not be eating it!

If you have extreme food issues, then it’s best to suggest an alternative (eg drinks and nibbles). I fully and personally understand food difficulties but these are a quite separate issue from being princessy about not liking this, that or the other and expecting to be accommodated.

Why would you eat things you hated?

I've got a 'fussy eater' who will be ill if you feed him certain things. It's not just a case of him eating things to be polite, he'll suffer. And if we stay long enough so will you!

Yes Id do this, with just pasta in one of those tomato sauce pots and some garlic bread. I agree about the seafood- its an acquired taste, and some people have a fear of food poisoning from it, but chicken, seafood and dairy? You have an excuse to put it in front of him, as if others eat it, he wont have any other food.