To think that ow genuinely fall for the lies their men spin?

Yes. Let's stone them to death.

Oh hang on that still happens.

They do all have something in common, though. Selfishness and disregard for anyone else's feelings but their own.

Men and women both have affairs. Some statistics suggest women have slightly more affairs than men when they are younger. It turns out people like having sex with people they are attracted to. They don’t necessarily want to marry them and have babies so it doesn’t matter if they are not husband/father if the year. Women who have children with these men may just be more interested in having children and not so bothered about what the man is like. Maybe they are cynical and don’t have much faith in men generally?

Yes. And the answer is that there are as many reasons as there are people. Also, that this is pretty widespread behaviour, and the extent to which it features in novels, film, TV, opera, almost all forms of popular entertainment, suggests that, along with crime, it exerts a general cultural fascination with breaking the rules.

The question is, in essence: "Why do people have sex/relationships with people who, for whatever reason, they shouldn't?"

No, I've not. Your later responses attempt to back pedal but you clearly still think you're much mightier than any other woman who has been the OW. Your OP starts by blaming all women who have being the OW because clearly, according to you, are top stupid and fall for their lies. You then, after lots of rightful backlash, say you actually mean the women who are willing accomplice. But if you'd have actually meant that, you wouldn't have multiple posts about how stupid they are for believing their lies. So no, I haven't missed the point of this thread. You've clearly got something going on in your home life and it's making you feel better by hurting others.

And where did I say they can't? Did I blame every man, or did I respond to the OP's thread where she is talking about men cheating and women being too thick to see past it?

A great post. Sums up the dynamic perfectly

Well, 'you' fell for his BS first so why get angry that someone else does 🤷‍♀️
General 'you' of course though no way there isn't an OW in your past/present

And if the kids 'are hugely traumatised' it's because both parents can't put them first in the whole shitshow. And it's sometimes Mum who is so 'shook to her core' that she allows the venom (very very low value, poor quality etc) to seep into every ounce of her 'blindsided' life. What do you think THAT does to the children?
I think it must be easier to be 'blindsided' than admit you chose a dud tbh. You get past having to acknowledge that by ensuring all the focus is on the OW and how awful SHE is. Yawn
You'd think anyone with a 'modicum of intelligence' would avoid such a rat but someone didn't for him to be a cheater.

Women are conditioned from birth to want the fairytale. All the princess crap is everywhere and every princess needs her prince to be happy.
I have a friend who tolerates the shittiest behaviour from a man because she lurves him and she’d rather have him than be alone.

I've always turned down married men who have tried to flirt or have even made more explicit offers than that. Mainly because I didn't want a messy, complex life full of heartbreak.

In one case only I remember being tempted:
I was new in town and a bit lonely, and I remember there was a thought there that perhaps I was special in some way that his wife was not.
But then I thought harder and considered that actually his wife and I were probably very similar people, just in very different situations and that we were equals.
And I thought about how unremarkable the guy probably was if you got to know him behind closed doors (even though lots of women around town fancy him, and he can be charismatic).
I imagined how his wife probably has to pick his socks up. And then I went online to read about people who had affairs. I was relatively naive in the ways of men, but by going online and reading in forums such as MN and others, I realised that it's all a big game to these men and they are using you for sex. It's such a cliched pattern and I did not want to be duped.
And also I thought how no man on earth is worth two women. How men are just not really all that, and that they should not be encouraged to think that they are. Chump Lady calls being the Other Woman "sucking the cock of the patriarchy". It just didn't fit in with feeling that I was a feminist.

So that is the story of my swerve away from all that. I guess the main thing is that I am not especially impulsive.

waterdusky..... women lie and cheat too.

XH told OW (who happened to be a friend of mine!) that I was:
unsupportive, was uncaring, didn't understand him (etc etc. You know, the usual Script). Oh and that we'd split up.

Truth was: I was the breadwinner; I was supporting him and doing my best for him; I was trying to coordinate (and pay for!) multi-agency help for him to get sober/clean (whilst working FT, keeping the house in good nick and parenting the kids); that we'd separated (temporarily) in order for HIM to get time/space to get sober/clean; that we were working on saving the marriage (that had been wrecked through years of his addictions, and abuse from those addictions).

As a supposed friend, she could have spoken to me, or asked me how I was doing or what was happening. She never did. She either fell for the lies, or conveniently chose to ignore the truth (or try to find out the truth). I believe in her case, it was the latter.

Now, he made the wedding vows to me, in front of our families and friends. He broke them, which is disgusting. He could have just dumped me first/ended the marriage and then gone off with her (I would have had more respect/acceptance of that), but he chose to behave in a disgusting and deceitful way. She didn't make any vows (but she was at my wedding so knew fine well we were married, and she knew we had young children), but I still, to this day, can't understand how a friend could treat another in such a way.

In hindsight, they both did me a big favour. I will never trust anyone again like I used to. And my life is a lot more peaceful now than it was. Still, a few months down the line, she (and he) came crawling back after they split up.

And who are you to decide who is a "quality woman". You sound absolutely vile. This entire thread is misogynistic venom. Try blaming your vile husbands who put their penises before their families. Calling another woman names doesn't make you any more intelligent, any more beautiful, any better as a human. You both fell for his lies. And look at the amount of wives on this forum alone who take back their cheating husbands. Look at the amount of threads on the relationship boards where men have been cheating for years. Is that the woman's fault for being 'less intelligent'? Or can we all agree that the man is a cock-womble instead of constantly blaming women and giving the men a get-out-jail free card because he's a man and clearly can't help it 🙄

I can only say , as someone whose ltr broke up because of an affair, the effects on me were devastating. The aftermath was the worst period of my life . I have had massive trust issues subsequently.

I imagine the men lie to them, just as they lied to their partners.

It depends- there's a difference between a woman who meets a guy at a bar or online, they date, get to know each other a bit, but he fails to mention the little inconvenient fact that he's married. There are a lot of men like this (with some variations (the marriage is over, we just live together because we can't afford to sell/the children/etc - it's an open marriage that I've failed to discuss with my wife or let her know it's open for me.) It can be devastating to discover you are the OW when you had no idea, especially if you've started to fall in love.

It's a different situation setting after someone she knows to be married but she wants the challenge of seducing him, or the money and lifestyle.

And there will be people who meet at work or somewhere, get on very well, make an effort not to start anything but realise they're in love.

Some will have low self esteem, feel it's no threat to the marriage, but he's the only person who has looked at her, all she deserves. Knowing it's wrong just confirms she's the terrible person she already believes herself to be.

Or she's in a bad marriage, feels she can't leave because of the children, money, (hasn't discovered MN,) whatever - and an affair gives a glimmer of light to her days, she feels wanted and desired if only for a few minutes.

Most people who are aware the affair partner is marriage will probably tell themselves all sorts of reasons to justify it and many will feel guilt. Of course they know they shouldn't do it, but they'll find reasons to justify it to themselves and they'll feel guilt.

What possible relationship is there between knowingly engaging in a relationship with someone who is married and being opposed to termination? Or being a virgin before marriage? Or being 'dedicated to your offspring' -- are you saying no one is 'dedicated to their offspring' any more?

And I can assure you that anti-abortion types still exist, though I'd be far from impressed by the 'morals' of those who feel women should be forced to continue with pregnancies they don't want.

I see now why you've started this thread, it's to round up all the vitriolic comments that you can, in one handy thread.

I have no respect for women who do that either.

Never underestimate people's capacity to believe what they want to believe - they fancy the other person and will self delude in order to justify sleeping with a married man.

Lots of ow just don't care. It may even be a benefit for them if they are also married and just want the sex. Some people are inherently selfish.

I think there are a few who are genuinely deceived.

That's basically it.

Some people have affairs because they're shit people, some are vulnerable, some are married to the wrong person. They're just not all the same.

That's what I am saying - but on MN, it's always the same, silly OW sucking up all the man's lies. It's rarely the case. But it's easier and more comforting for people to think that.

Of course, women do it too.

A friend of mine had an affair and used the same cliches (no sex life, separate lives), and the man believed her. He would have agreed the sky was green if she’d told him that, he was infatuated with her.

So men can't have low self esteem or no self respect?

An affair isn't a one size fits all thing, there's so many different factors at play you can't possibly put everyone in the same category.