To think that ow genuinely fall for the lies their men spin?

Sorry didn't finish

--Don't feel the need to constantly bring down other women

.--

Yes I'm apparently an OW 🤣. Because if you're not you can have only one herd-mentality opinion 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Rather than just having lives a life and understood the complexities of relationships. I've been cheated on and divorced him. But I blamed him totally, he was the one who made the vows 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Plus I don't feel the need to cons

I'm an OW as well, apparently. Because you can't hold a married man responsible for himself unless you shag one. I'd forgotten about that one, it's been a couple of weeks since I heard it.

Hmm yes. I was the OW. I'm bright and certainly don't suffer from low,self,esteem.
I met a man through work and we became friends. That,friendship turned into more and we realised we wanted to be together, so he left his wife for me. We are still together, still happy and getting married later,this year.
Even though it's been over a decade his ex wife still maintains that we're just a fling, that he'll come crawling back to her and that im the devil incarnate.
I didn't care about her then. I don't care about her now. I also don't care for a relationship with his now adult children because as far as I'm concerned they are way too much like their stupid mother. My partner maintains a relationship with them and that's up to,him.
Sometimes in life you meet someone under less than ideal circumstances 🤷‍♀️

Yes, experiences are very different aren't they? Yet somehow there's thread after thread about OW, where every women who has a relationship with a married man is reduced to a stereotype. A hideous clone. Repulsive, disgusting, amoral, desperate, untouchable (except by nice women's husbands seemingly), stupid, yet somehow smart and manipulative enough to coerce an otherwise faithful man to cheat on his wife.
And when people point out their experience of being an OW, its all, well yes, but...but that's different. It's those other other women we mean! Well what OW are they? Because I've known several women who've had affairs, and been cheated on myself. And never once have I thought what does he see in her? In every case its been obvious she's attractive, to him at least, or there's a spark. And in all but one case, the man worked very hard indeed to court her.
So to me, the question isn't why do women of a type that exist largely only in the imagination do this that or the other; its why do married men cheat. The constant focus on this mythical bogey woman does nothing to further our understanding of that.

And remember - when a man married his mistress he creates a vacancy.

This misogynistic turd, which was itself originally coined by a misogynistic turd, needs to die a death too.

@NecessaryNC24

Keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better,

But it's nonsense.

Why would it make me feel better? What an odd remark - words hit home perhaps and you recognised yourself.

Married for nearly 50 years and no OW on the horizon so far. Have a few desperate friends who have shagged married men then find they move on after leaving their wives using them as an excuse.

Then they marry someone younger and prettier.

And remember - when a man married his mistress he creates a vacancy.

This is awful. I have been cheated on but the woman had no idea and I had no ill feeling towards her at all. The wife should never have done this to you. You did the right thing by telling her, I was so glad to know and it made me feel better to know the woman wasn't complicit or taking the piss out of me with him. I'm sure most people would be so grateful for you telling her. He sounds absolutely disgusting I hope you're well rid.

As someone who was cheated on I’m genuinely curious to know whether some posters have been shocked to find out that their husbands had been having an affair.
I’ve never known a situation where the couple were blissfully happy and the wife finds out and has no idea.
The majority of the time it is obvious and ie certainly was in my case. He was out all the time, less interested in the family, snappy, looking to cause arguments. Looking back now if I had been older and a bit more mature I would have seen the red flags and not married him in the first place. We were never suited and this is ultimately the reason the marriage ended, not the affairs. This is a far more healthy way to look at it rather than getting bitter etc. Yes he’s been a shit dad but now my DC are adults that’s between them and him. I see so many posts on here full of anger and bitterness and it’s such a waste of energy.

I think a lot of women are unable to spot a badd'n, whether they be the 'first' or the OW. In my office, there are two single mums doing their best to raise their children and the stories they tell about their exes are awful. I don't see how they didn't spot this before having children.

There's actually no point attempting to reason with this level of hypocrisy, delusion, fiction, reductiveness, misogyny, fury and sheer lack of paragraphs.

I hope someday you can learn to hold men responsible for themselves and their commitments. And not see cheating men as agents of justice for their OW. You're far from alone on here in thinking that, but that one really, really sticks in my craw whenever I see it.

So weird that so many women are being left for
poor quality low value women.

The misogyny on this thread is off the charts. Ironic really given how much societal misogyny plays into men having affairs.

Exactly this!

@Workworkandmoreworknow

Thats a bit of an assumption to make! I have been through a divorce so I know exactly what it’s like.

I think you’ve misunderstood my post. Of course it’s much easier for people to leave if they have somewhere to go to. What I’m saying is that men will be vilified for leaving regardless of whether there is someone else to go to or not so many will line someone else up before they go. Whether it’s right or wrong it’s what happens. Many women do this too but I know more women who have left marriages with nobody lined up than I do men.

Keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better,

But it's nonsense.

Disturbed for believing the OW isn't responsible for her part, dangerous for defending it in such a black and white, emotionally unintelligent way that you truly believe the MM is the only one at fault. I think the OW is in many ways worse, maybe because I'm a huuuuuge misogynist or maybe because as women we all know what each other goes through being a woman on a daily basis and the OW laughing at you, making fun of your life crumbling whilst she enjoys what you think you have feels like a very deep betrayal. You can lose many partners in life, but losing the sisterhood ( and I know people like you don't believe in that because it then excuses shitty behaviour by women to other women ) is a far bigger loss. Who do you turn to when you're heartbroken if you can no longer trust other women to get it? No wonder women so often take their own lives when they have been terrorised into such crippling loneliness, but its fine the OW is blameless. As for the man being rewarded with cheating sex, I don't consider that much of a prize? Says a lot about your thinking if you think cheating sex is a big reward for him. I think it's quite gross and undermines healthy sexual relations with loving intentions. It minimises the pathetic sod to a jumble of animalistic urges and a lack of self control. 'More cheating sex' isn't a reward.

@MountainBarbie thank you. My facebook used to say where I worked (doesn't now) and she came to my work with her kids and refused to leave. On another occasion she stopped her car to confront me when I was with my young nephew. It was absolutely awful. Will always wish I'd never told her. I developed awful anxiety. He tried contacting me a few times in the years that past via Facebook and instragram and he got blocked.

They are pretty desperate if they get involved with a married man at all, having failed to attract a single one.

Yes, disturbed and dangerous to say a MM is 100% responsible for what he does. And not an agent of justice who deserves more cheating sex in order to bring due punishment to the woman he cheats with. You're right, I take back everything I said about your reasoning being ridiculous. How could anyone argue with this.

Experiences like this are very different and I hope you know the posts against OW on this thread aren't talking about you at all. You may have technically been one but if you truly believed he was virtually single and childless you are absolutely as much a victim as the wife is. Hope you're okay now.

From my experience I believed the lies. He told me he had no kids, when he had 2. He told me they were separating and living separate lives in the same house. When I found out his lies I told the partner and she was hell bent on ruining my life as I 'must have known'. She's still with him nearly a decade on and they have more kids. Good luck to her.

Christ people like you are dangerous, I too think you're not worth the energy. Very disturbed thinking there.

She might well be a horrible individual but this prince still chose her over his own wife and family, his own personal responsibilities. But all your glee and schadenfreude is pointed at her and not the man who caused it to happen. Because she's the woman.

She's also only one person in one situation. She's not every person who ever had an affair.

Anyway, you asked. I did say that I knew it wasn't worth the energy. I think it's pretty obvious to anyone who does actually think a married man is responsible for where he puts his own dick. It's a mess of lazy misogyny and man pandering but it's par for the course on here.

Oh and this shouldn't need a mention as it's blindingly bloody obvious but this post is ABOUT OW so yes the focus will be on them. Stop excusing OW's poor actions just because there's a man involved. We l know he's a tosser, can still think the OW is a heinous bully with sociopathic tendencies and no moral compass in the mean time.