To think that ow genuinely fall for the lies their men spin?

No, not at all, any more than the men who have affairs share characteristics.

Of the women I know who’ve had sexual relationships with men they knew were married or in longterm relationships,

one was a recently-divorced mother of three who fell head over heels for a man from overseas she met while teaching a cookery course, he left his wife, they’re now married;

one was a wild young French academic casually shagging her upstairs neighbour without thinking much about it —she’s now married to someone else with a child;

one had an affair with a married colleague because her own marriage was in a bad patch (she’s still with her husband, who doesn’t know, and is happier — her affair partner ended his marriage, was single for a year and is now in another relationship);

two were graduate students who had an affair with their married supervisors — one ended up married to him after his divorce, the other left him after his wife threw him out and is now happily married with three children and herself a senior academic.

Literally the only thing they have in common is that they had a relationship with a married man.

Low value? Poor quality?

What a horrible attitude.

Maybe they both just fancy an enjoyable evening with someone who doesn't despise human beings and constantly judge them for what is pretty normal human behaviour.

I was just thinking “what a misogynistic thread”…

“low value”
”poor quality”

Married women have affairs too…

It's old fashioned because it's a double moral standard which sets women against each other and absolves men from responsibility for their own behaviour. It's easier to use repulsive, sexualised insults against transgressing women than it is to expect men to honour their marriage vows all by themselves.

I have no respect for any woman who chooses to participate in an affair with a married man despite what he may tell her.
Woman should look out for each other.
The OW at the end of my marriage was a shoulder to cry on which was strategically offered at the right time. She had been sniffing around him for years. I didn’t see her as a threat as she was much older, unattractive and quite plump. She threw her husband out and moved mine in instantly. They lasted only months and throughout this time he was begging me to take him back.I refused.
Apparently she still hates my guts a decade later!
I think she believed what she wanted to believe at the time and had no thought for our children despite having her own.
I met a man post divorce and it was an instant attraction. I went out for drinks with him and he came round for a coffee a couple of times. We kissed only but I liked him a lot and we connected. I found out after a couple of weeks that he was married with a child.
I instantly told him I didn’t want to see him again despite how I felt. I felt awful even though I hadn’t known he was married. He did try to feed me the usual crap but I wasn’t interested.
I think despite circumstances and feelings it takes a better person to do the right thing. I just wish other women would think this way. Maybe they don’t care about the damage they cause. I cant and wont be that type of person.

Years ago my shitty ex cheated on me with some woman and denied it, but I found out. They then got married...and divorced. Because he was shitty. It was years later and I'm happily married, but I still took great pleasure in it and laughed my arse off that they were miserable and I wasn't some crazy whatever he called me.

Hi, Doris. I’m considering sleeping with you daughter’s STBXH. Anything I should know before giving him the go ahead?

@nothingcomestonothing Or we blame both (if the woman knows).

Wow. Imagine a bunch of men writing about women like this - on heat? Low value poor quality women?

How about we blame the man breaking his marriage vows and not the (other ) woman he's lied to?

They believe it because they want to. And I think certainly in the case I’m thinking of, the bloke convinced himself so much it was all his wife’s fault that he was equally convincing to his affair partner, who then thought his wife deserved it for making his life a misery. He showed everyone else what a weak minded prick he is.

Whats interesting is despite how badly he was willing to treat his wife his new partner totally believes he’ll be 100% brilliant with her, because she’s special.

Very low value and a poor quanlity woman? How very Old Testament.

You need to remember that the man the OW sees is your husband at his very best. Remember the man you fell for? The way he treated you? Made you laugh/feel interesting/supported/special? Well he's doing exactly the same to her. Imagine yourself at the height of your feelings for him, when he was at his most attentive. You trusted him, believed the best of him, and so does she. Of course she will need to suspend her disbelief, delude herself and turn a blind eye, but you above all people should know he's capable of inspiring those type of feelings when he puts his mind to it.

This.

Two of the women I’ve known who’ve knowingly had affairs with married men were distinctly lacking in self esteem. One of them was quite vulnerable. The men seemed sort of predatory. A third was shockingly selfish and cold, but in the intervening years has revealed a lot of mental health issues.

I honestly can’t imagine finding a cheat attractive. I was an unwitting OW when I was young and naive but dumped him as soon as I realised. Been propositioned on the school run too, which was just grim.

This is ridiculous. There’s not one type of woman who has affairs, far less that it’s some kind of guarantee of ‘poor quality’. There are as many reasons as there are affairs. Absolutely affairs create chaos and heartbreak, but they’re also extremely common. You’re demonising a huge percentage of the population.

I think they do believe it. Often it’s very sincere when a man says that he never really loved his wife, felt trapped due to kids and all that claptrap. He will have often re written history in his own head to justify his actions so believes his own bullshit. Newsflash - nobody held a gun to the bloke’s head at the altar.

for a younger woman at work, a bloke with a bit of
seniority who trots out this bullshit seems to be believable

it’s not a cliche for nothing

They're not all the same, are they?

Some women are blindsided and horrified when they find out they are the OW.

Some know but are gullible and fall for promises that the marriage is over, he's about to leave etc.

Some know and don't give a shit.

It’s all got a bit Reddit/incel in here

”in heat” ? Yak

I think there’s a high chance the OW doesn’t care about the home situation initially.