To think that ow genuinely fall for the lies their men spin?

@Wouldyouguess , the ow my ex was involved with was like that , she seemed to see it as a victory , that she had got involved with someone with a 3 month old baby !

There are OW who initiate affairs and dont care about the wife and/or kids. It's like self-preservation. They see something,m they want it, they take it. Sometimes in affairs there is no bs, just two people with no scrupules.

Makes me think the OW take it too fast to form a relationship with men and don’t get to know them first. Going slow works every single time. If they can’t wait 3-4 months while we get to know each other, they aren’t worth getting to know.

That’s not just an “OW” trait though, how many times do you see women talking about seeing someone barely a handful of times and they’re “in love. Planning their whole lives around whether he’s replied to a message quickly enough, ignoring every red flag, talking about moving in etc etc. some women are so in need of connection they’ll ignore every instinct, look for signs that aren’t there and end up being hurt.

@aimans the truth is an old saying right here! "A standing cock has no conscience!!!"

Oh she is, she's also a decade younger than him so she is more about the online life, everything goes up including crap talking me, im the bitter jealous crazy ex don't ya know 😂 She knew about me & the kids but I'm sure he fed her a line but she knew he was still living here as she messaged me a cheeky message the night I caught him on the phone to her at stupid o clock. I told her in one of her many emails (it was constant at one stage) that it was him who had caused the damage etc but she was a willing participant but the ruining of our relationship was on him

Friend had a boyfriend who told her he was in the process of a divorce. She fell for his bullshit until his wife found out about her and rang up and screamed at her. That put paid to that!

Just remembered I was being reeled in as an OW when I was in my 20s, by a man 20 years older.

Guy I met through work, said he was seperated, by dinner number 3 he told me he was still living with his wife, but they were seperated. It was too much of a drip feed, and I suspect that she didn't know they were living as brother and sister, but he had to have some excuse to say we couldn't go back to his place.

Ended there for me, but I felt awful that I'd already kissed him.

I know a woman who the OW in an affair in the past- she claimed she didn't know, he said he was seperated and he spent every weekend in a little flat in the town his ex-wife lived in so he could see the kids, weekdays in the city where he worked long hours - and brought her out for lovely dinners and headed 'home' to see the kids on Sat mornings

It was sort of plausible that she was an innocent victim, but thrn she was a lot more frank at a hen night - of course she knew, but saw it as not her problem, she didn't care that he was cheating and lying, she had no sisterly feelings for his wife, who should have know anyway as he didn't go home till Saturday morning. I think a lot of it was an ego trip for her - I'm so sexy he's risking everything for me.

Sister of SIL so I see her at things, but I'm not a fan since she told us the real story.

This is a horrible thread.

Reporting for several reasons

theres also some people that know x person is married or in a relationship but they try to seduce and have an affair due to the challenge of it

The OW believes what they have is so special because he's willing to risk everything for her. Or that their marriage is effectively over anyway, I mean they never have sex and sleep in separate beds right? Or they are 20 years younger and don't have the life experience to see the BS for what it is. Or they don't give a crap as long as they have won and got one over the other woman. Or they see the trappings (money/status) as worth shitting over the other woman for. Any kids in the mix? Collateral damage.

I think they are only thinking about themselves and what they want.

There's nothing normal about wanting to indulge in an affair with someone whose committed to someone else. You have to be lacking in a great deal of empathy and / or emotional intelligence to do that.

I don't think they do, I don't think they care about anyone but themselves. They know they're being used and it's lies but truly do not care enough to challenge it unfortunately.

OP did your DH have an affair?

@KimberleyClark Women who home wreck are horrid. However, some men are such good liars they actually lead double lives. My friends husband X worked away down South all week and came back home for the weekends. She found out he had been having an affair with a woman from work and living in her house all week he was away, rather than the 'hotel.' The woman said she had no idea he was married. He had told her they were separated. She did however continue the relationship with him, I suppose she had caught feelings after a year of living with someone!!

Yes it baffles me how woman knowingly having an affair with a married man can possibly think that man is any sort of a prize.

Saying "low quality" or "low value" woman is dehumanising and horrible!
As just one example some women have anxious attachment style so find it hard to not get sucked into those situations and the manipulation wanting to believe the man is good and things are more complicated than they are.

If you research why people have anxious attachment style it's for deep almost medical reasons such as prolonged trauma or abandonment at a young age affecting the brain.
Empaths often attract narcissists as they are so kind and loyal they find it hard to not give them the benefit of the doubt no matter what.

So in response to your question yes some women obviously pare aresholes and don't give a shit about breaking up a family and know full well what the man's like but there are many that aren't and arguably are a victim in the situation too.

Well look at the threads on here. A woman posts saying she owns her own house and she's moving a man in who thinks he just needs to pay half the bills and everything else will be taken care of. Every single time I say I think he should contribute more I get shouted down by people saying the poor man, stop trying to take money off him, stop using him for money etc. some women will always take the man's point of view. Always. A lot of divorced women have discovered that to their cost when an abusive man keeps their muro friendships and the divorced woman is cut out of those friendships.

Gold digging is a very common reason ime

Security and better positioning for the ow's previous dc sends any morals and red flags out the window

With respect how would you know what is happening in your ex husband's relationship? I am on the receiving end of this type of speculation from my DHs ex wife, and she couldn't be further from the truth.

She sounds so classy!

There is usually two sides to every story. I am a second wife (NOT the OW) as they had broken up many years before we met. DHs ex wife is a diagnosed lunatic and I didn't need to be told lies as I have seen it for myself.

Pretty sure the OW my dad has now shacked up with believed all the tripe he fed her 🤷‍♀️

I met a ‘great’ guy. Took things slowly and got to know him. He made a mistake with his children’s ages. I then pushed a bit harder. Nope he isn’t divorced. He was too careful for my liking with the language he used to describe being separated.

I am not some man’s sloppy seconds. He can divorce first and call me if he wants to date. His poor wife though. He has erased her from his life yet hasn’t filed to divorce her. Their youngest child is 4. If he really cared about his children he would put some effort into making his marriage work or divorce, providing proper support for the children and their mother.

Makes me think the OW take it too fast to form a relationship with men and don’t get to know them first. Going slow works every single time. If they can’t wait 3-4 months while we get to know each other, they aren’t worth getting to know.