To think that ow genuinely fall for the lies their men spin?

I agree it’s a lazy trope. My friend has had two affairs. She has attachment issues I think and likes her partners less available.
She also doesn’t have kids, has her own house, good job and lots of friends. There’s nothing financially or materially to be gained from dating a married man. In fact she binned one when he split from his wife and it was clear she would need to be supporting him through the divorce.

This is a hateful thread and whilst I agree that affairs are destructive to families, misogynist views such as the ow is thick, zero self awareness, removes blame from the man who said I do to his wife.

Very much doubt exH's OW thought she was being used.....exH was her OM.

I think that it may be because they may not expect a happily married man to be paying for a membership at Match.com and Tinder? plenty of “happy husbands” there, playing to be single or separated away from people who knows they are not.

I have heard a lot of women complaining of married men in online dating, but I have never heard a man complaining about married women being there…

Most people I know who have had affairs over the years have been women and they have arranged these ' exit' affairs in order to end unhappy marriages
Although the husbands involved didn't realize for ages.
I'm certainly not condoning anyone who cheats but this my own experience of a few people I've
come across or heard about

My mum had an affair - she was married, her affair partner was married. Why this focus on the women's motivations? It takes 2 to have an affair.

I think every man and woman will have their own motivations and rationalisations - life is not simpe, there are many shades of grey. In my mum's case they saw each other as starred crossed lovers fated to be together. They did divorce their respective partners and marry. It was a long and pretty unhappy marriage, but I think having created such turmoil to be together it was far harder to bail a second time.

Both the cheated on parties eventually remarried - I know my dad's second marriage was very happy, so in that respect my cheating mum did him a favour. So no easy winners and losers - just messy human emotions.

Yep . Once something goes up sense goes out of the window

I was told by my brother that a man will tell
A woman anything to get her into bed .

Yes because they are madly in love / lust. To them he is Mr Wonderful , a wounded dove who has been treated dreadfully by his wife / partner.

I think often the man sees a younger, fresher, more nubile woman and the OW sees a distinguished slightly older male with a lot of £££ and smooth talk. 😂 Both often end up disappointed IME.

You have no idea why someone is having an affair.
Or that anyone "is falling for lies"

Why would one assume that the OW is being used?

Is it because women don't like sex so it's always a man enjoying it and a woman giving it to him to get some other benefit?

What a horrible thread. It suits the OP narrative to see everything as all or nothing when it comes to affairs, but there is nuance and different situations and different outcomes.

Everyone involved in these situations is a person with their own stories, motives, hang ups and personalities. Whether that's an OW or an OM, a husband or a wife. It's really just humans doing what they do.

The harlot (OW) and the angel (ex-wife) viewpoint is very misogynistic.

I’ve been the wife shattered by several of these OW. Ex wife now 🥳
I have always thought anyone who starts anything with a married man is scum. It’s black and white.
You can’t ’fall in love’ with someone if you don’t start something. The OW in my examples all knew.
I have also been approached by so many married men. You know what? I just didn’t start anything. Because they are married men.
I am not religious. I just have my own standards. Yes I know the French way of doing things and human nature and all that but if you do anything in your life you have to hide you know it’s wrong.

Why differentiate men and women? The type of person to conduct an affair has poor character. Or one of them is very vulnerable, or young enough to lack experience and empathy.

I thibk we are advising not to charge rent as we don't want the op to risk her equity by him "contributing to the house" which has happened in several well known legal cases.

Not as we love menz. It's factual legal advice!

This is a repulsive, misogynistic thread.

If I were married to someone who expressed some of the views expressed here, I’d be looking for a new relationship!

Nah… if a cheating husband can manipulate and betray his wife of years to think they are happy, he is a great partner and a wonderful dad, he can certainly convince a woman who barely knows him that he is single or that his divorce is just about to be finalised.

Obviously, it is much easier to assume the other woman is a shit person in constant heat as described in these posts, because it is easier to blame the other woman than open your eyes and accept that you have a shit husband, because believe me taking action against a cheater is life changing while blaming the other woman allows the wronged wife to keep her lifestyle and continue playing happy families.

Both wife and OW are victims of the same cheater.

PS:
Before anybody accuses me of lack of sympathy for the wronged wife, I need to point out that I had a cheating husband.. and the courage and integrity to send him to hell rather than spending my life with a man I would never be able to trust again.

People who cheat are very good at manipulating. Men who cheat, but want to stay married are excellent at it! They feel flattered by attention and put on a show for the OW. The OW falls for it, starts to get friendly and listens to stories of the poor man and how he has a horrible wife/life at home etc.

OW feels sorry for this poor genuine man trying to do his best. Gets close emotionally and then the inevitable happens.

Wives are rarely as stupid as their cheating husbands think and know something is up. The affair gets found out and suddenly it all falls apart. The OW sees another side to the poor put upon man who when things aren't going his way can turn nasty, not only about his wife/life but towards OW.

Sometimes 2 people genuinely fall in love and live happily ever after. More often than not it descends into a tit show with everyone getting hurt and the 'poor man' trying to paint himself as the victim, blaming both women for ruining his life.

I think, fundamentally, OW are aware that he is hurting kids and the wife, but in their mind its "fair game" and they don't see the wife as worthy or worry or concern (or the kids). Especially if the OW is younger - in her head, it will be "the wife is old and nasty to my lover, the kids just want money and maybe not even his, no one understand him like I do". They are part of The Script.

What evidence do you have of this.. the cheating husband’s word…? Threads like this seem to be often written by an aggrieved wife looking to minimise blame of her husband and maximise blame on the OW. The language of ‘low quality’ and ‘low value’’ women is ridiculous. As is the frequent assertion that ‘OW generally like a challenge’. What strikes me is that there are so many attempts at misplaced vitriolic oneupmanship from the wife that no one actually has any idea about the OW or why she is in that position.

FFS this thread is so depressing!

The line so many trot out on here is 'oh, it's the married man at fault, that's where the blame lies'. But no... here we have what you really think! Let's blame the 'poor quality' woman who has snared the helpless man away from his family.

Why is there no term for a male 'mistress'? Because we should all paint the picture of a harlot woman who let down the entire female sex by sleeping with a guy who's already 'taken'.

To be clear - both parties are at fault (except for situations where one has been genuinely hoodwinked).

However, I do think there are so many nuances when it comes to the why. Some fall in love with this forbidden fruit, some just want the thrill of the sex, some may want something else. The 'OW' is not necessarily falling for his bullshit, sometimes they see through it entirely but aren't bothered because they're not in it to steal them away, it's just temporary fun. Immoral, heartless yes of course, but it's not always about wanting the man for themselves.

I actually like women, I’m a woman’s woman. I don’t have affairs, I actually think because I like women, so when a man blames his break up on a crazy ex etc that is a huge red flag to me that he doesn’t see any part in the breakdown of his relationship.
I have a number of friends who have had affairs, I think only one did it because of arrogance and greed. The rest have done it because of low self esteem, yes they’re attractive intelligent succesful women but they have low self esteem at the base of it. One of my friends it’s because her Dad never validated her (because she was the daughter) and she was seeking something. To the outside she looked like a homewrecker but I also saw someone sad and seeking. And at the end of the day she never made a vow to anyone. I’m not saying the behaviours ok. I’m just saying that there are often deep reasons behind it.

You see the OW being defended on here all the time, it's never her fault, she's always a victim

It's often the OW who initiates it all.