To think that ow genuinely fall for the lies their men spin?

Most aren't told initially that the man is married, they're lied to. So they're blamed for believing the lies and later blamed by men for being "bitter" and blamed by women for being "scum" or "the lowest of the low".

I feel like usually it's the man that gets the most flak

On here??? You must be new. Very new.

I feel like usually it's the man that gets the most flak tbh. People often say that as the OW is single she has no responsibility to the family.

If you'd read all of my comment, you'd see I was questioning/bemoaning the general, sweeping statements about all women in this topic - the OWs and the wives.

That's what's sad, the fact that so many want to categorise / pigeonhole everybody in the same way. The reality is that each and every one has their own reasons for doing whatever they do.

Because the thread is about OW that's why.

It always is. That's the point.

Why do we not spend all this time wondering why married men have affairs or how they could do this to their families? Why are we so unquestioning about that?

@ItLiterallyJustSaysFoldInTheCheese
What's sad on this thread is that there are such sweeping statements and generalisations being made, but always against the female in the situation.

Because the thread is about OW that's why.

Was thinking exactly the same, it is more stupid and desperate to insist on keeping a cheating man than falling, briefly, for one.

I agree. It's a devious thing to do.

Well with that lack of logic you could say that the wife failed to keep the attention of a pretty poor specimen herself. Sounds horrible, doesn't it? Also stupid.

Stop focusing on OW; focus on the cheating married person.

While such women do exist, based on what I've seen, I actually think it's the rarest type of OW. And her type is a man who loves the idea of two women fighting over him.

What's sad on this thread is that there are such sweeping statements and generalisations being made, but always against the female in the situation.

All OWs are poor quality / harlot / etc etc as well as being incredibly naive and stupid to fall for the MM's lies.
All Wives that have been cheated on have been naive in not realising an affair was going on.
All Wives that decide to stay are naive in believing the MM has changed.

Let's be clear. Some OWs may have these tendencies. Some wives may have these tendencies.

For the record, my stance is that yes, having an affair is immoral - regardless of your sex. I believe the blame rests solely with the person who has previously committed to someone else, be that through marriage vows or simply by way of a serious relationship. But I do also understand that the world isn't black and white, and there are lots of nuances to consider.

Yes I totally agree. It’s understandable and I think why quite often a few years down the line, when betrayed spouses are emotionally ready to see what their husband actually is, the ‘reconciliation’ often fails.

@MidnightMeltdown 'They' are horrible people? So 'they' and every situation is exactly the same? Blanket statements like this are just meaningless.

Yes, I think they are. Anyone who gets involved with someone who is in a relationship is. You know that they are lying to their partner, you know that hurt will be caused to the other person, and that you have helped to cause that hurt. So it's not a meaningless statement, I meant every word even if you don't agree.

'They' are horrible people? So 'they' and every situation is exactly the same?

Blanket statements like this are just meaningless

The mental gymnastics thing reminds me of people being abused as a child blaming anyone else but not their parent who hurts them as they depend on them (their parent) for survival.

So blame the next nearest?

'OW deliberately targeting the man involved'

You make it sound as though the man was a poor helpless victim

Yes, this 100%

BOTH women fell for the man's lies

Some of them simply don't care and get off on the fact another woman's man wants them. Talking from personal experience here they are ballsy as fuck and when it implodes on them they are very good at playing the victim 😂

I don't 'blame' the OW but I dislike them immensely. I think they are horrible people who only care about themselves.

This thread is absolutely repulsive. Yes it's awful to be cheated on (I've experienced it many times) but the way some of you are talking about the 'OW' is disgusting. Talking about how women should support other women then calling OW low value or poor quality. Put the blame FULLY on your shitty DH or DP who decided to cheat! Though with some of the responses here I'm not surprised they looked elsewhere!

Yes it's always the women's fault. Ever since Eve 'tempted' Adam away from the garden of Eden, this sort of mentality has been embedded across cultures.

It's astonishes me that in 2024 people are still coming out with this claptrap demonising 'the OW' as if they are all the same.

Going by the logic of OP's post, if the OW is an idiot for falling for the man's lies, then surely that would make the wife an even bigger idiot for marrying him in the first place? This mentality of always blaming women is nonsensical.

I'm not blaming the OW, I fully blame my husband.
I do hold her accountable as well though as she knew myself and my children existed and didn't give a shit. Even said as much!
She wasn't innocent by any stretch of the imagination, and continued to try and contact him.

Tell me how I cannot possibly also take issue with her?

As I said previously, it's not a sexes thing here for me, it's shitty humans irrespective of the sex.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻.

I mean, in my, albeit minimal, experience of men that cheat- they are all a bit shit in the first place. I’ve never heard of an affair and thought “oh bloody hell, I can’t believe it. He was such a pillar of the community and the husband to rival all husbands”. Most of them have more red flags than a Manchester United game.

So maybe whilst we are on this misogynistic bollocks and blaming women for everything, why don’t you ask the wife why they wed and had children with such a waste of space in the first place? They clearly fell for the lies as well…..

Honestly not victim blaming at all - more opining as to why it’s easier to blame the OW over and above the husband.