Would you punish this?

I think it's really normal when you've made what feels like a power play with money, for a teen to power play back.

Focusing on her health and 'we can't have it in the house if we can't have healthy size
Portions' would be more appropriate than focusing on the cost and obedience

Give over, I sometimes sit and eat a tub of ice cream, or a full bag of mini eggs, or half a cheesecake if the mood strikes 🤷🏼‍♀️

I'm not overweight and exercise regularly, eating a tub of ice cream isn't going to condemn someone to a life of unregulated scoffing.

I'm with you on this.

I couldn't get worked up about it, she just won't have ice cream the next day because she's scoffed it all at once.

If your biggest issue is her eating a full tub of ice cream rather than half, I'd say you're doing a good job. She's not out smoking, she ate ice cream.

Yes "help them" being the most important part. So not buy them a big tub of ice cream and then shame them for eating it.

Ah so we shouldn't buy out children ice cream and we teach them about healthy eating habits by simple osmosis now do we? No conversation to be had at all?

this thread is utterly bonkers, it must be half term 😂

I don’t have teenagers but I would be annoyed too OP, you have her a nice treat and asked her to do something and she blatantly did the opposite and couldn’t care less afterwards. And probably felt quite sick, imagine the sugar in a whole tub of icecream.

I have x2 girls, the eldest would prob do the same and doesn’t care about consequences, my youngest would just do as I asked and not think about rebelling against it. So different. The teenage years are going to give me nightmares!

Definitely do not shame them but in life we are given access to large amounts of things and need to be guided in how to consume them. Christmas is a massive chocolate fest for many but we don't give free reign to pig it all before boxing day. Should we drink all that wine in one go because it's ours?
Someone needs to consider why she felt the need to eat what is designed commonly to be 4 portions ..assuming a B&J size tub...in one sitting

The luxury ice creams are around 500ml and the ones like Ben & Jerry’s can have around 1000 calories I’m sure - so it is a lot to eat in one sitting. I don’t think it’s controlling telling someone to eat less sugar when tooth brushing is an issue

If she’s not brushing her teeth twice a day then I’d stop the sugary snacks. If she gets them at her dads not much you can do about that. I hate teenager attitudes and don’t allow my kids to be rude to me. Not without a lecture every single time, that started well before the teen years which was good as they knew by the time the hormones started raging that they couldn’t speak to me like shit. Wasn’t happening. I’m fairly lax on many things but speaking to a parent like shit is not on. I’d pick my battles though and the punishment for this is you stop buying nice food treats, especially knowing she’s not brushing her teeth properly

teaching your kids everything in moderation isn’t control…blimey

It's a good thing that's not what I said then.

….or here’s a thought…teach them portion control?

teaching your kids everything in moderation isn’t control…blimey

Yes "help them" being the most important part.
So not buy them a big tub of ice cream and then shame them for eating it.

Hi OP,
I would mentally drop this whole toxic episode.

If your daughter struggles to have an off switch with nice food support her by buying her a one portion pot next time - it's not nice to "punish her" for struggling with something lots of people struggle with.

Her "attitude" is influenced by what went before. What is she going to say "thanks mum for food shaming me and treating me like a greedy child". Course she is going to be pissed off and lash out.

You can treat this perfectly kindly "let's just get a treat size tub as it's hard to stop with a bigger one".

Although if she doesn't have a weight problem and wants to over indulge now and then it's no biggie. If she makes herself feel ill/sick she will learn. Best to just foster a lifestyle where there aren't bug tubs/family packs of stuff just for her.

If you don't want her to play you and her dad off against each other then you need to be on the same page but rules about ice cream sound like she is about 5. Let it go.

My guess is 500ml

Also surely it depends on the size of the ice cream tub. Some are quite small individual ones and others clearly family tubs.

This. If she commented why haven't you bought me ice cream this week I'd simply say 'Oh I thought you said in future you'd get your dad to get it for you'. Play her at her own game and in future she'll think twice before dragging him into any future disputes with you.

You know I’m not sure why her eating the whole tub in one sitting was a problem if you were content for her to eat it over two? Like she just won’t have it tomorrow and don’t buy it in future or get it very rarely.

She’s 14, time to take ownership of her diet. If she wants to eat crap and feel like crap, her choice. I’d pick your battles and model what healthy looks like.

If this is not really about the ice cream and more about the divorce situation then that’s a whole different thing.

No. I would let her eat it all if she chose to.

There's a difference between guidance and control.

Yes, you can say "I wouldn't eat that all at once" or, "once that's gone, it's gone until next week when I do the food shop" - but punishing a 14yo for deciding they want to eat all their ice-cream in one sitting instead of splitting it over two makes absolutely no sense

It's normal for teenagers to push boundaries and bend the rules though.

I would also argue that having a tub of ice-cream in one evening as a one off is the very definition of "everything in moderation".

This thread is really strange! Usually on here I find that, compared to my own approach, people infantilise and excessively protect their kids - yet here we have a mom being demonised by the majority of posters by trying to have input into her fourteen year old daughter's portion sizes.....

Do you guys honestly just buy food and allow your kids to eat it in any quantities and at any speed they want? You don't ever tell them they have had enough junk food on one particular day or whatever?

Bizarre. Especially those who reckon OP's attempt to stop her daughter consuming an entire large tub of ice-cream in on sitting, is evidence of her own disordered eating?

And who, believing this, also think that taunting her about it over the internet is the compassionate way to approach the issue.......

OP, if you haven't already I would stop reading this if I were you. Some of the comments are downright cruel, and loads of them are a bit unhinged......

I think over eating the wrong types of food is fairly typical at this age. I wouldn't worry too much. Mine used to say similar things re their dad and we aren't even divorced. The trick is not to make a big deal out of it as they then use it as a metaphorical stick to beat you with. Seem unconcerned but maybe don't buy ice cream again for a while.

I would let her eat it. She might end up feeling a little bit sick afterwards, but I think gorging occasionally and feeling unwell or regretting eating a treat all at once are things most children experience on the way to eventually developing a healthy level of self-restraint.

It’s not about the consumption, it’s about enforcing control and making food a battleground.

Very odd responses on this thread. Someone said op is reflecting her disordered habits on her daughter? Surely having a lax attitude to a 14 year old eating a large tub of ice cream is sowing seeds of disordered eating. Over consumption is just as bad as under consumption. 14 year olds still need guidance too